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I went OFF on a lady at Sam's Club yesterday - Page 9

post #161 of 198
I haven't read all the comments, but I for one not only think it was a perfect response, but I think it could have been really important too. I am not one to sit back quietly when it comes to many things. I stopped being quiet when I realized that maybe I needed to say what others wouldn't or to say what others might need to hear.

Telling off the older lady was mearly turning it around on her so she could see the ridiculousness in what she was saying. Luckily she said it to you. What if she had said it to a young mom who was struggling with her own confidence in her parenting and hearing this older, should be wiser woman comment on spanking the kid and what if the mom would have? Maybe your comment will make this old woman rethink what she says to people. Even commenting back "that was rude" could be seen as rude in some peoples eyes so why not go all out and tell this woman WHY she was ridiculous, which you did in one short sentence.
post #162 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
I agree...eye for an eye makes the world blind, two wrongs don't make a right...
but the OP wasn't wrong.
post #163 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post
Yes, this. OP, I wrote in a previous post I'm bothered by the support/praise that this was the "perfect" (at least one person ahs used perfect and/or best) thing to say to that rude woman, than I am by you losing it. Everyone loses it. I lose it. I'm not always graceful when stressed...I don't think you're a horrible person. I'm basically responding to other posters who are not stressed right now, who are reflecting on the situation with a calm mind and still think that it was great.
This is what I have gotten from many of the responses too. OP, I am glad you stood up for yourself and your child and I am sorry that woman was rude to you, but unless you believe that she should have had her butt smacked, I don't see how it was the perfect response. I have never had anyone make a comment like that to me but I hope that I would respond that what my child and I need are kindness and understanding. Is much more likely that I would tell her to mind her own business.
post #164 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
In one post, you imply not to be rude, yes? Yet your next post is less than nice. It kind of reminds me of my friend who postulates that we must be kind and compassionate to everyone and everything, yet she relishes smooshing bugs every chance she gets.
You're right, I was less than nice in my response to the person who said she wouldn't mind modeling this kind of behavior for her own children. I could have said it in a better way. Ironically enough, the OP could have as well, don't you see? How can she say this was the right thing to do if she is doing the very thing that she is angry about? If you really feel people shouldn't contradict themselves, then it would be difficult to argue against the previous question.

Quote:
Originally Posted by darcytrue View Post
but the OP wasn't wrong.
She used violent language to say that violence is wrong.
post #165 of 198
Ever heard of irony?

Makes you think.....
post #166 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by expatmommy View Post
Ever heard of irony?

Makes you think.....
If that's directed towards my last comment then I'd really like to know what you mean by that because I seriously don't feel like I was being violent in my responses.
post #167 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
You're right, I was less than nice in my response to the person who said she wouldn't mind modeling this kind of behavior for her own children. I could have said it in a better way. Ironically enough, the OP could have as well, don't you see? How can she say this was the right thing to do if she is doing the very thing that she is angry about? If you really feel people shouldn't contradict themselves, then it would be difficult to argue against the previous question.



She used violent language to say that violence is wrong.
I don't find the language violent. I'm sure the OP didn't REALLY mean that the lady needed her butt smacked.


Of course I would never think of this at the time but "I think YOU need YOUR mouth smacked" is a more appropriate answer.
post #168 of 198
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Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~ View Post
... hornicular swearing...
May I use this phrase?
post #169 of 198
I think some people are reading too much into visceral "oh HECK YEAH" responses.
post #170 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
If that's directed towards my last comment then I'd really like to know what you mean by that because I seriously don't feel like I was being violent in my responses.
Not the poster your quoting, but her comment makes sense to me.

Let me start by pointing out that mama whose children you commented on did nothing, and said nothing. You're the metaphorical older lady waiting in the Internet checkout line.

However, even if you preceived some wrong directed at you personally in her actions, throwing out that biting remark about her children catagorically goes against everything you've argued here. "two wrongs don't make a right" "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind", et cetera.

Thus equaling irony.
post #171 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
Not the poster your quoting, but her comment makes sense to me.

Let me start by pointing out that mama whose children you commented on did nothing, and said nothing. You're the metaphorical older lady waiting in the Internet checkout line.

However, even if you preceived some wrong directed at you personally in her actions, throwing out that biting remark about her children catagorically goes against everything you've argued here. "two wrongs don't make a right" "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind", et cetera.

Thus equaling irony.
No, those children have not done or said anything yet. However, the mother says that it's okay to be violent towards someone as long as they are violent towards you first. This is where I had the issue, so by pointing out that I didn't want to be around her children in the future, I was basically saying that kids pick up on violence (no matter what the reason or cause) and often display the same type of behavior. Like I said, I could have been nicer, so in that regard I was contradicting myself. However, I feel that you and others are missing the essential point: violence is never the answer, no matter how much a person feels entitled to their behavior. That said, maybe it wasn't the wisest thing for me to point out the fallacy in the way I did. Violence begets violence, as it seems...

I find it interesting that no one who is on the OP's "side" really wants to address how violent she was in her response. Maybe she didn't really mean that she wanted someone to spank the old lady's butt, but by saying it she is basically advocating the same thing that she hates...abuse. She might have been "joking" about hurting the woman, but that still doesn't somehow negate the fact that she is saying spanking is okay (as long as it's directed towards old people and not kids, apparently)

Also, I'd like to add that I feel it's important for a person to feel they have a voice if someone is being aggressive, like the old lady at the store. If a person doesn't feel they have a voice then any response they create is going to empower them...maybe that's the reason behind all the praise? Most of us wouldn't have the nerve to stand up for ourselves in a situation like that so it seems wonderful when it happens? I've been in situations similar to that and have had to stand up for myself, and, I have to say, I wasn't the nicest in response. I didn't threaten any outright violence like the OP did, but I certainly was very angry and that came across clearly. It felt great at the time and I'm grateful for the experiences, but after reflecting on the way I reacted I see that I was no "better" than the aggressor. It's important to stand up for oneself, but not if it means stepping on someone's toes, no matter how much they appear to "deserve" it. We're all human, we all have feelings, and oftentimes it's the meanest people who are in the most pain and, thus, need the greatest amount of love and kindness.
post #172 of 198
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Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
May I use this phrase?
Of course!
post #173 of 198
Zenful, you keep calling the 'older' (as in older than the OP), mid-50's woman as 'old', inferring she is an 'old lady'. It's inaccurate and inflammatory.
post #174 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
I find it interesting that no one who is on the OP's "side" really wants to address how violent she was in her response. Maybe she didn't really mean that she wanted someone to spank the old lady's butt, but by saying it she is basically advocating the same thing that she hates...abuse. She might have been "joking" about hurting the woman, but that still doesn't somehow negate the fact that she is saying spanking is okay (as long as it's directed towards old people and not kids, apparently)
I don't think anyone is avoiding talking about it, rather there was no ACTUAL violence in the exchange.

Really it’s the absurdness of telling the women she needed to be spanked that makes the comment work so very well.

"Spank" is a euphemism our culture uses to mask the hitting of children. Hitting an adult is assault, hitting a child is "spanking".
Hitting a child is wrong, but “spanking” is good discipline.


The OP’s reply both pulls away the linguistic mask from the word “spank” and makes the woman advocating it look at from the eyes of someone on the receiving end of a “spanking”, thus personalizing it.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenful View Post
We're all human, we all have feelings, and oftentimes it's the meanest people who are in the most pain and, thus, need the greatest amount of love and kindness.
That sounds good on paper, but reality tells me you can't love the abuse out of an abuser.
post #175 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~ View Post
Zenful, you keep calling the 'older' (as in older than the OP), mid-50's woman as 'old', inferring she is an 'old lady'. It's inaccurate and inflammatory.
She was referred to as an "older lady" in the original post.
post #176 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by kalimay View Post
She was referred to as an "older lady" in the original post.
Yes, I know, exactly my point, Older, not old. And later, the OP clarified that she meant older than herself. My point that she was not OLD>.
post #177 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuamami View Post
Yes, I agree. It's okay to stick up for yourself a little bit, and I don't believe in letting the elderly off the hook, either. Plus, the OP said she was "older", I believe.
yes i agree with this. Plus there is a difference here. The older lady said it seriously... that the child SHOULD be hit. The mama repeated it back to her sarcastically (at least thats what I picked up on) not literally.

I think its not so much that rude deserves rude... and btw great job mama... but I think its about sticking up for yourself and your family. Just think of the times you dont say something and you regret not saying something or it bothers you for days and days (I realize not everyone feels this way after something like that) I think its better to get it off your chest and deal with it right then and there and put people like that in their place. The ruder the comment the bigger deal I would make out of it. I cant keep stuff like that in, it affects me physically and I like to get it out and then move on.
post #178 of 198
OP, I think you had every right to say something to that woman. However, I think a much more appropriate response would have been, "Human hands are not for hitting."
post #179 of 198
I just want to remind everyone to be respectful. No insultingly sarcastic comments or personal attacks please.
post #180 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
I don't think anyone is avoiding talking about it, rather there was no ACTUAL violence in the exchange.

Really it’s the absurdness of telling the women she needed to be spanked that makes the comment work so very well.

"Spank" is a euphemism our culture uses to mask the hitting of children. Hitting an adult is assault, hitting a child is "spanking".
Hitting a child is wrong, but “spanking” is good discipline.


The OP’s reply both pulls away the linguistic mask from the word “spank” and makes the woman advocating it look at from the eyes of someone on the receiving end of a “spanking”, thus personalizing it.
So you don't find violent language to be violent? You just made it clear that you feel spanking is violent, and yet you don't find what the older woman said nor what the OP said to be violent? This, to me, is the same as saying that verbal sexual harassment isn't actual violence (because its not physical) nor is the use of name-calling, ridicule or any other methods of verbal attack, for that matter. Do you honestly feel this is true?

Absurdity or not, what was spoken was violent in nature. You yourself seem to say this quite well.

Quote:
That sounds good on paper, but reality tells me you can't love the abuse out of an abuser.
I'm speaking of loving the person as a whole, scars and all. This doesn't mean that your love will somehow make them not be abusive anymore...only they can make that a reality. But, still, if you look at them from the point of view of having two choices: either hurt or love another human being then I see loving them to be the answer if you want to actually help them. They are just in a lot of pain and they probably haven't got the skills to know what it means to love themselves or anyone else. If people keep hurting them then where does this leave them? You don't have to treat others with respect, but if you knew that a small act of kindness could possibly be one of the few displays of love they've ever received then would you still be mean to them? I feel that all it takes is for someone to know that another person cares about them for them to start on a path towards healing and real change.
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