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I went OFF on a lady at Sam's Club yesterday - Page 5

post #81 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisainCalifornia View Post
I think you were just as rude as her, and you did it in front of your child. If you don't believe that hitting is appropriate for your child, then why in heaven's name would it be appropriate to hit an elderly woman?

I would of just rolled my eyes at her, and then calmly explained to my child that we would never do that, as I don't hit people--young or old.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why everyone here thinks you did the right thing.

I am certainly not perfect and have lost my cool at times, but I always feel appropriately chagrined after the fact--and will even tell my kids "momma should not have said that...".

I have to agree with this. Many ways to address this situation without being inflammatory.....for example:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
Once, an old man made a snide remark about my son (autism) who was having a meltdown and who we were trying to get out of the store as fast as we could. I told DH to take the kids on to the car. I told that older man. "My son has a developmental disorder called Autism. Sometimes, he is unable to express himself in an age-apprpropriate manner. He is not doing this to bother you on purpose." He said, " If that were my kid, I would spank his butt." I told him, "Yes, and if I did, you would be the first to call DCF on me. Maybe you should learn more about developmental disorders before you spout off your mouth next time. Good day." And then I left.

Takin up for yourself is not rude. Being older does not mean that others have to let you run your mouth and be nasty.
This is great. Not rude or in the person's face, but strong, confident, and putting light on how rude the other person was.

I'm not sure what I would have done, but there are a lot of options between
"turn the other cheek/walk away and let the rude person "get away with it" "
and
"get in their face and give it back to them".

How would I want my kids to respond in a situation like this? I defintely don't want them getting in someone's face, especially if the person is no real physical threat to them and is only beign verbally rude. I'd want my kid to walk away, or make a calm, confident statement and walk away - not get in the person's face.

OP, I saw you said you were leaving the thread, but anyway - I've been where you are - my daughter can be QUITE vocal and physican when she's emotionally/physically spent,and I've gotten the looks - I haven't heard anyone say anything to me, but I'm sure people have commented. I just don't see the value in dishing back at rude people....if anything, you gave her even MORE ammunition to go tell her friends, "and then the mom got in my face and YELLED at me! She was probably never spanked either, that's what's so wrong with families, blah blah blah....." I'm sorry you were having a rough time and your kiddo was too; the woman was COMPLETELY out of line.


It's not about being better than someone, or letting people 'get away with' anything; to me, it's about thinking about how I'd want my kids to act in a situation, and acting that way. I am all for standing up for yourself and your family, but not in this particular manner.
post #82 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Epona View Post
I LOVE it.
post #83 of 198
Wow, I wish I had the balls to say ANYTHING, let alone what you said.

I think I would have stuck to the "that was really rude" sort of comment, or even just told her that her inappropriate comment made my hard day even harder, but I don't know about speaking violently like that. I have done it once or twice before, and although I felt great for days, I never could figure out what felt so good about it because it really was at someone else's expense.

My mom had a piece of advice about driving that I think fits this situation nicely: "It's not your job to honk when someone else is a jerk on the road. You might scare the other drivers." I think if you are offended or hurt, you should say so, but it's not really your job to make people behave or have better manners. Of course, I never even have the guts to speak up at all.
post #84 of 198
I just read the OP's post and no one else's (sorry!) but yes I have been in your situation and the store employee said "You need to spank her a$$" (She was 18 months old!) and I turned around to her and said "Did she come from YOUR uterus? No? Well then back off!" And yes, she did.

I think you did a great job mama!!!!
post #85 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoMommy View Post
Wow, I wish I had the balls to say ANYTHING, let alone what you said.

I think I would have stuck to the "that was really rude" sort of comment, or even just told her that her inappropriate comment made my hard day even harder, but I don't know about speaking violently like that. I have done it once or twice before, and although I felt great for days, I never could figure out what felt so good about it because it really was at someone else's expense.

My mom had a piece of advice about driving that I think fits this situation nicely: "It's not your job to honk when someone else is a jerk on the road. You might scare the other drivers." I think if you are offended or hurt, you should say so, but it's not really your job to make people behave or have better manners.
Of course, I never even have the guts to speak up at all.
Nicely put
post #86 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Oh, and you have, of course, explained to your three year old now that he's not melting down that it's wrong to smack anyone? It would have been idiotic to try to explain that to him in the middle of his meltdown at the store, but it is something that should be reinforced since he was exposed to that wicked woman's ideas.

Umm, It would be idiotic to say anything except, " I was wrong to tell that woman that she deserved to be smacked. It was wrong of her to say that you deserved to be smacked. No one should ever be hit."
post #87 of 198
People, early 50s isn't elderly. I'm 50 and have a 3.5 year old. It's not like the lady was in her 80s or something.

I would have probably said, sarcastically, "oh yes, violence is so wonderful you think we should all smack children around" or "you really think hitting a person will make them less upset? "
post #88 of 198
RIGHT ON, operamommy. I can only hope I have the stones to stand up to such nonsense if or when it happens to me and my child.
post #89 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
To be honest, I don't really understand posting something like this publicly if you only expect congratulatory comments. Obviously, not everyone is going to agree with everything that we all do. If you only want positive feedback, maybe you should only tell your closest friends about stuff like this.

This.
post #90 of 198
I've read through the posts and just had to add something nobody's mentioned. The butt is part of the "swimsuit area" so smacking on the butt could be interpreted as sexual abuse.
post #91 of 198
As I read through this thread I kept trying to picture the scene, and what's coming to mind ... I don't know. I don't get the "that's awesome!" line of thinking at all. It just seems kind of on the level of "no, you are!" as a retort. Which has never led to any particularly peaceable or educational ends on the playground, and doesn't really translate any better to adult discourse. That's not even about the OP ... I get that in a moment finding the perfect thing to say isn't easy, and I've had just as many "oh, I should have said ...!" hindsight moments as anyone else. I just really don't understand so much of the response here.
post #92 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by gsd1amommy View Post
Umm, It would be idiotic to say anything except, " I was wrong to tell that woman that she deserved to be smacked. It was wrong of her to say that you deserved to be smacked. No one should ever be hit."
Yes, that would be the sort of thing she should tell her son now that he's not having a melt down as she's trying to get out of Sam's Club. Are you trying to make that more clear or are you arguing that she should have said that to a tantruming toddler?
post #93 of 198
I still say Kudos to the OP for having a backbone.

But, now that things are calmer, I kind of agree with the poster who suggested that the OP tell her child that she was wrong to tell the woman she needed her butt smacked, just as the woman was wrong to say that a child needed his butt smacked.

Hitting is never right, regardless of the age of the person being abused.

But I also kind of agree with the logic that if this woman didn't see it as rude for HER to say what she did -- then she most certainly has no LOGICAL grounds for thinking the OP was being rude.

If people who are acting in ways that you (general you) don't like deserve to have their butts smacked -- then what about when others get offended with YOUR words or behavior?

At any rate, maybe a better middle-ground between passive and aggressive would be to say, "I don't hit adults like you for being rude -- so I'm sure not going to hit my little boy for being stressed." Still, these comments tend to hit us at the worst possible moments, so I honestly can't fault the OP for just saying what was on the tip of her tongue.

I usually can't think of anything to say 'til waaay after the fact. to the OP. We just need to live and learn and go on.
post #94 of 198
OK, what you said wasn't the most polite or respectful thing in the world, but it was concise, clever, and didn't use foul language. So, you probably did better than I might have done in that situation.
post #95 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
People who make nasty judgmental comments like this older lady do it because they think they can get away with it. Most people will quietly rush away and leave jerks feeling that they've won some victory.

We live in a society where the craziest, rudest person in the room takes control and everyone else sits back and tries not to make a scene, frankly I'm sick to death of that dynamic.

Speak up! If nothing else a calm "that was inappropriate" or "mind your own business" is never out of place. Neither is the op's reply.
I agree. There are so many times when someone is behaving completely nuts and the people in the room just look, and move on, as though they're watching a show on tv and have no need to interact or be involved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
As for everyone who is worried about the example that was set for the child, I seriously doubt that a bawling 3yo even had the presence of mind to listen to the comments that were made. IME, upset children often don't even hear you when you speak directly TO them.
I agree, I seriously doubt the child was even aware of the short sentence exchanged between his mom and this other woman.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh View Post
People, early 50s isn't elderly. I'm 50 and have a 3.5 year old. It's not like the lady was in her 80s or something.

I would have probably said, sarcastically, "oh yes, violence is so wonderful you think we should all smack children around" or "you really think hitting a person will make them less upset? "
Yeah, my mom is in her mid-50's and I guarantee she isn't seen as elderly. Heck, I don't even see my own grandmother as elderly and she will soon be 79 years old. Age is no excuse for misbehavior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
I still say Kudos to the OP for having a backbone.
But, now that things are calmer, I kind of agree with the poster who suggested that the OP tell her child that she was wrong to tell the woman she needed her butt smacked, just as the woman was wrong to say that a child needed his butt smacked.
Hitting is never right, regardless of the age of the person being abused.
But I also kind of agree with the logic that if this woman didn't see it as rude for HER to say what she did -- then she most certainly has no LOGICAL grounds for thinking the OP was being rude.
If people who are acting in ways that you (general you) don't like deserve to have their butts smacked -- then what about when others get offended with YOUR words or behavior?
At any rate, maybe a better middle-ground between passive and aggressive would be to say, "I don't hit adults like you for being rude -- so I'm sure not going to hit my little boy for being stressed." Still, these comments tend to hit us at the worst possible moments, so I honestly can't fault the OP for just saying what was on the tip of her tongue.
I usually can't think of anything to say 'til way after the fact. to the OP. We just need to live and learn and go on.
The part I bolded sounds like something I would have said. Regardless, I still laughed when I read the OP. There is something pleasing about reading about someone doing something we all wish we could do.
post #96 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisainCalifornia View Post
Sometimes the elderly do say things that seem inappropriate. There could be many reasons for this, even mental health reasons. I am seeking kindness in my life, and I would never suggest that people should hit defenseless children--just as I would never suggest hitting anyone.

I just think two wrongs don't make a right. I can see you don't agree with me...and that's okay. I was just expressing my opinion about it. I think that what the older woman said was inappropriate, but the response that the OP gave could have been better. Threatening to hit anyone is never the answer in my mind.

Take care,
Lisa

Duuuuude. Didn't read all the responses yet, so not sure if this was said already - but the OP said she was about 50. That is HARDLY elderly...I'm pretty sure my mom and dad would be fairly offended to find out that people thought that was "elderly".
post #97 of 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by OGirlieMama View Post
OK, what you said wasn't the most polite or respectful thing in the world, but it was concise, clever, and didn't use foul language. So, you probably did better than I might have done in that situation.
That!

Seriously, I'm the brat that smiles sweetly then calmly says "Go yourself" to these people.

The OP handled it without foul language, which is more than I can do.
post #98 of 198
wow! her behavior was so rude! you did just the right thing!

eta: just skimmed this thread a bit and wanted to say that i think you were setting a fine example. to the extent your ds was following what was going on, i think it's nice he knows you had his back.
post #99 of 198
I think your response was hilarious.
post #100 of 198
Most of the time I don't believe with meeting rude with more rude or adding more hostility to an already hot situation, but sometimes that's the only thing people will 'hear' - and if you're bold enough to say something that rude in the first place, you should probably expect that one day someone is going to give it right back to you.

Also? Old? Does not mean a thing. Old people are still people, and just like the rest of the population there are some mean horrible awful no good Judgy McJudgealot old people. The whole 'sweet little old lady' thing is pretty much a myth and 'sweet little old men' molest children every day and some of them get away with it because we infantilize old people - they're cute or sweet or any number of words we use for babies and that's a. rude and b. just straight up wrong. Old people are just as able to be mean and obnoxious as the rest of us...like that guy who slapped that kid in Walmart. He wasn't exactly young.

So, ya know, don't ACTUALLY going around spanking strangers but I am almost certain you saved any NUMBER of moms and their kids from getting nasty comments from that lady again.
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