I'm 3 weeks postpartum, and I imagine that all of this is quite amplified by my postpartum hormones, as well as both DD and I adjusting to our newest addition and our new roles in the family. DD's behaviour feels out of control, and my reactions feel even more out of control. I want to be helping her feel secure and loved and important during this huge transition, and I'm doing an awful job.
I have been shocked by how quickly and intensely I want to hit DD in the last month or so. :cry: I'm in desperate need of simple consistent things to do (while also parenting a newborn) both to calm myself down and to address the behavior issues with DD when I find myself seeing red. This week I'll be home alone with both of my girls while DH is at work all day. I'm very worried about how this week will go.
Our two main issues right now are defiance/screaming "NO" and random constant misbehaviour anytime attention shifts away from her (especially if DH and I are talking to each other). These behaviours aren't brand new. She and I have had a rough summer.
Defiance - "DD, let's go upstairs and change your dirty diaper" or "It's time to put on your pajamas" or "It's time to leave" (somewhere else or the house), etc regularly result in DD screaming "NO!" and running away from me, giggling all the while. The giggling is really what results in me seeing red. She finds it especially amusing when I get angry, scream, or carry her and force her to get in the car seat, change her diaper, etc. I simply can NOT physically carry her and force her for all diaper changes, rides in the car, clothing changes, and so on. She also often responds this way when I ask her to stop doing something. We've been talking about being cooperative and helpful. We've been talking about doing things/making choices that make her feel good and that make Mommy and Daddy feel good. I have explained calmly why we need to change her diaper, get her ready for bed, put her down for a nap, etc MANY times. She is generally MUCH happier (and easier to get down for both naps and bedtime) when we're getting out of the house frequently, and I tend to be happier and calmer when I'm getting out regularly too. Just staying home does not sound like a good plan for either of us, but I don't know HOW I'm going to deal with it tomorrow if she refuses to leave her music class, or later in the week if she refuses to leave another activity.
Random attention seeking misbehavior - DD often does a whole list of misbehaviors back to back to back when DH and I are talking to each other or other times when she wants the attention to shift focus to her. If it's a minor infraction, I've tried ignoring her, but I find that if I ignore her the misbehaviors escalate from there - simple stuff working up to destruction, loud noises (throwing things, screaming at the top of her lungs, etc), and even hitting/kicking rather quickly. If I simply ask her to stop one thing, she starts on something else she isn't supposed to do and continues finding new infractions over and over and over again. Initially I can handle all of this very calmly and positively, but when she persists I have trouble staying calm, especially because it makes it hard to wrap up whatever we're talking about and give her the attention she wants.
I desperately need advice for making it through the next week or so. I'm also very opened to book suggestions - though I doubt I'll manage to acquire and read a book for awhile.
I have been shocked by how quickly and intensely I want to hit DD in the last month or so. :cry: I'm in desperate need of simple consistent things to do (while also parenting a newborn) both to calm myself down and to address the behavior issues with DD when I find myself seeing red. This week I'll be home alone with both of my girls while DH is at work all day. I'm very worried about how this week will go.
Our two main issues right now are defiance/screaming "NO" and random constant misbehaviour anytime attention shifts away from her (especially if DH and I are talking to each other). These behaviours aren't brand new. She and I have had a rough summer.
Defiance - "DD, let's go upstairs and change your dirty diaper" or "It's time to put on your pajamas" or "It's time to leave" (somewhere else or the house), etc regularly result in DD screaming "NO!" and running away from me, giggling all the while. The giggling is really what results in me seeing red. She finds it especially amusing when I get angry, scream, or carry her and force her to get in the car seat, change her diaper, etc. I simply can NOT physically carry her and force her for all diaper changes, rides in the car, clothing changes, and so on. She also often responds this way when I ask her to stop doing something. We've been talking about being cooperative and helpful. We've been talking about doing things/making choices that make her feel good and that make Mommy and Daddy feel good. I have explained calmly why we need to change her diaper, get her ready for bed, put her down for a nap, etc MANY times. She is generally MUCH happier (and easier to get down for both naps and bedtime) when we're getting out of the house frequently, and I tend to be happier and calmer when I'm getting out regularly too. Just staying home does not sound like a good plan for either of us, but I don't know HOW I'm going to deal with it tomorrow if she refuses to leave her music class, or later in the week if she refuses to leave another activity.
Random attention seeking misbehavior - DD often does a whole list of misbehaviors back to back to back when DH and I are talking to each other or other times when she wants the attention to shift focus to her. If it's a minor infraction, I've tried ignoring her, but I find that if I ignore her the misbehaviors escalate from there - simple stuff working up to destruction, loud noises (throwing things, screaming at the top of her lungs, etc), and even hitting/kicking rather quickly. If I simply ask her to stop one thing, she starts on something else she isn't supposed to do and continues finding new infractions over and over and over again. Initially I can handle all of this very calmly and positively, but when she persists I have trouble staying calm, especially because it makes it hard to wrap up whatever we're talking about and give her the attention she wants.
I desperately need advice for making it through the next week or so. I'm also very opened to book suggestions - though I doubt I'll manage to acquire and read a book for awhile.
s: here, no suggestions. I myself am struggling not to feel like a terrible mommy, and not to think my 3 y.o is a total monster. Just this morning, she pushed her 6 month old brother onto the floor, facedown, and he ended up with a bloody, swollen lip. 
