Military Moms - Sept. - Oct. 09 - Page 7

[~Katie~]

I think me telling him that I'm not allowed to look better than him got him in gear He's been working out after breakfast for the past week. I'll definitely take your food recommendations and get him some things on my next shopping trip.

Now I need to rant about housing. I am so DONE with on-post housing and the crime. I've had my GPS stolen out of my car twice, and now my wallet is gone. My wallet was in my house. Every single neighbor around me has had something either stolen or vandalized. This is a community-wide issue since the spring, and no one has been caught yet. It is most likely teenagers. I am determined to move off post once DH gets back. I don't care if it costs us more money, having security knowing that there is less criminal traffic around my house is worth it to me.

Tabitha - Great that you have activities to keep the kids busy. That will help a lot. It will take some time to adjust but you will settle in and get yourself into a routine. Having support through your unit is going to be extremely helpful for you as well.

[Alohamelly]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

Those are great ideas! I will save these ideas for care package time. I was going to suggest raw almonds, but I think someone has already done so.

AFM: We are doing pretty well. The first night alone in the house was a bit tough on everyone, especially our doggie who barked at every little noise and kept us all up. However, we seem to be settling in some. We have new sports for the older boys starting up in a week, and art classes for my smaller kiddos. I haven't felt very well lately, so not much cooking, but we are eating nutritiously. I've been connecting with other unit wives, especially my neighbor whose DH is the Chaplain for our unit, so I really don't feel alone. I think Halloween will be a bit tough, as DH loves to dress the kids up and take them out trick or treating . I have heard from him a couple of times so far, and anticipate talking to him every other day or so.

Thanks everyone for thinking of us. Hope all is well with all of you.

Glad you are doing well. We are struggling badly here. Fortunately, we have activities to keep us busy during the day, but evenings are very hard. I can't believe it's only been 5 days or so since my husband left. It already feels like he's been gone forever. I'm having a hard time keeping it together. At least tonight I managed to make a decent dinner - meaning it didn't come from a restaurant or out of the freezer!

[Alohamelly]

We went and had our picture taken yesterday through http://pmdaportraitsoflove.com/index.php Definitely worth doing if they are in your area.

Why does everyone have to be so nice to me? I'm so sensitive that it makes me cry and it's embarassing.

[~Katie~]

Originally Posted by Alohamelly

We went and had our picture taken yesterday through http://pmdaportraitsoflove.com/index.php Definitely worth doing if they are in your area.

Why does everyone have to be so nice to me? I'm so sensitive that it makes me cry and it's embarassing.

This reminds me, OPlove will also do free pictures before, during, and after a deployment.

I was very emotional during the start of our deployment also, I swear I cried at least once a day and cried a lot in the car for some reason. It does get easier Don't feel embarrassed about crying, it really helps to release those emotions. This is hard, no doubt.

[DocsNemesis]

Hey mama's. I'm not a military mom-yet-but my fiance is concidering joining the airforce. There's still a lot of questions for us before he makes a decision and he's waiting until this baby is born and a little older before even thinking of it.

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

Anyway, as a result, if he were to get stationed elsewhere I'd either have to leave my kids (not going to happen) or he'd have to go alone. Right now this is the biggest deciding factor as to whether he's joining or not. He wants to be a mechanic (aviation).

It's kind of funny not knowing now what's normal since I'm from a military family! (My grandfathers were both war vets, my uncle is a vet, my dad is a vet, and a lot of my friends in highschool were army kids-or joined after graduating themselves.)

[Maluhia]

Originally Posted by mntnmom

I'm hoping someone can help. I'm trying to have a homebirth in Germany. I have the website to search for midwives, but I was hoping one of you ladies might have information about English speaking midwives in the Kusel area. Landstuhl isn't doing referrals right now, so I'll have to switch to prime or pay out of pocket. but I'm trying to find someone before I make any commitments. Thanks

I'm so sorry I hope another Mama knows the answer - I sure don't!

Originally Posted by DocsNemesis

Hey mama's. I'm not a military mom-yet-but my fiance is concidering joining the airforce. There's still a lot of questions for us before he makes a decision and he's waiting until this baby is born and a little older before even thinking of it.

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

Anyway, as a result, if he were to get stationed elsewhere I'd either have to leave my kids (not going to happen) or he'd have to go alone. Right now this is the biggest deciding factor as to whether he's joining or not. He wants to be a mechanic (aviation).

It's kind of funny not knowing now what's normal since I'm from a military family! (My grandfathers were both war vets, my uncle is a vet, my dad is a vet, and a lot of my friends in highschool were army kids-or joined after graduating themselves.)

I think moving every 2 years is normal - longer than that is "lucky" and less is not abnormal. Honestly - I think custody issues with step kids is a HUGE hurdle for a military family and I know more than one military Mama who can't follow her DH because she legally has to stay in one place for the courts or give her kids to an XH.

In your situation I don't think I'd encourage DH to join the military.

[DocsNemesis]

Yeah, I was kind of thinking the same thing. We are planning on moving one way or another, to SC-the other side of the country-in 3-4 years and my ex knows this. We agreed to figure out custody/visitation at that time. Obviously if he were in the military, we'd end up moving...well, who knows where! But at that point it won't be such a big deal, since my kids will be a bit older, in school, and better able to understand long periods of time without mom or dad. Maybe we'll just put this off for a few more years and see where we are at that point.

Also-Hi all you Ft. Lewis moms! I grew up in Tacoma and Lakewood and I'm about an hour north of Tacoma now, though my mom still lives there.

[Alohamelly]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

This reminds me, OPlove will also do free pictures before, during, and after a deployment.

I was very emotional during the start of our deployment also, I swear I cried at least once a day and cried a lot in the car for some reason. It does get easier Don't feel embarrassed about crying, it really helps to release those emotions. This is hard, no doubt.

We contacted all of the Op Love photographers in our area before my husband deployed so we could take family pictures. It was really disappointing. Two of them weren't doing Op Love photos at the time, one of them moved away and the others never returned my emails or calls at all.

I can't believe how emotional I am this time around. I've done this 3 times before! I guess this time there's just more at stake since we have more kids and we really miss him a lot.

Originally Posted by DocsNemesis

Hey mama's. I'm not a military mom-yet-but my fiance is concidering joining the airforce. There's still a lot of questions for us before he makes a decision and he's waiting until this baby is born and a little older before even thinking of it.

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

Anyway, as a result, if he were to get stationed elsewhere I'd either have to leave my kids (not going to happen) or he'd have to go alone. Right now this is the biggest deciding factor as to whether he's joining or not. He wants to be a mechanic (aviation).

It's kind of funny not knowing now what's normal since I'm from a military family! (My grandfathers were both war vets, my uncle is a vet, my dad is a vet, and a lot of my friends in highschool were army kids-or joined after graduating themselves.)

My husband is Army, but I'm an AF brat. We moved around, but not as much as most people think military moves around. We were in Denver for 5 years, Hawaii for almost 10 .. so my dad's job was pretty stable. I wish I could say the same for my husband!

[Madalyn]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

I think moving every 2 years is normal - longer than that is "lucky" and less is not abnormal. Honestly - I think custody issues with step kids is a HUGE hurdle for a military family and I know more than one military Mama who can't follow her DH because she legally has to stay in one place for the courts or give her kids to an XH.

In your situation I don't think I'd encourage DH to join the military.

I agree. Not to sound totally pessimistic but the odds of getting a base within an hour or so of where you live now is probably slim to none. DH and I are from NC. When he filled out his dream sheet of assignments in bootcamp he put a NC base at the the top of the list and then worked his way down the east coast. We did get a base that was on his list (which I believe that in itself is rare) but it was of course the one at the bottom the furthest away from our family.

Oh and my husband is a mechanic too.

[gingerstar]

Originally Posted by DocsNemesis

My biggest concern at this point is the moving around. How often do you typically get bounced around in the airforce as an enlisted father? It really wouldn't be a big deal to me normally but I have split custody with 3 of my kids. This means I either have to stay within an hour or so of their father or not see them a huge part of the year-and at their ages, it'd be a bad situation for all of us.

I don't know if this would work for you, but we had friends who shared custody as a military family, and the way they did it was 6 months with mom, then 6 months with dad, wherever the family lived at that time. They split it so that the kids were in school here one semester, then switched at the holidays and began school in January at the other home. But yes, it would be very hard, however you did it.

[Soul-O]

Docs Nemesis:
I can definitely speak to the shared custody issue. I fought long and hard to get a decent move away order for my two older children. At this point, my ex has the older boys for all non-school vacations: winter break, spring break, summer break minus a two week vacation for me. My order allows us to move wherever we are assigned (within the United States). However, I also have a particularly vindictive ex who likes to drag me back to court periodically looking for sole custody because we move too much :. Anyhow, I would suggest speaking with a family law attorney who is knowledgeable about move away orders in your home state. Some states are more sympathetic to military moves than others, and the amount of visitation your ex is currently exercising plays a part.

Good luck with your decision!

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by DocsNemesis

Also-Hi all you Ft. Lewis moms! I grew up in Tacoma and Lakewood and I'm about an hour north of Tacoma now, though my mom still lives there.

We are an hour SE of Tacoma.

Can't speak to your custody issues but I think your chances of getting a post near your kids are slim.

We are going to Germany and my kids passed the EFMP review today! They're officially developmentally normal as well as physically healthy! Now, we just have to wait from Baumholder.

[EdnaMarie]

BTW... does anyone here know of a good resource for washing, starching and ironing fatigues??? I want to do it properly the first time. I'm washing on cold, delicate, but I think it's easy to see when something has not been properly ironed or starched, so tips / links are much appreciated.

I got my Gap rewards and I'm spending it on a fancy cocktail dress to match my shoes. My husband is an E-4. Will I need it or should I spend my money on something more low-key instead?

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

Is your dh in the Army, EdnaMarie? If so, you aren't supposed to starch the ACUs. They are meant to be "wash and wear" - no starching/ironing like the old stuff.

I wash my dh's ACUs on hot, with All or Cheer (which do not contain optical brighteners). The directions say to wash on cold, but they don't seem clean enough to me. If he has something special to go to (a meeting with someone important, etc) I will touch it up with an iron, but as a general rule, I pull them out of the dryer and hang them up.

As for a nice cocktail dress - I wouldn't go too fancy, but a nice dress always comes in handy. I don't know if it's changed, but when my dh was an E-4, there weren't many events that were "mandatory" for him - most fancy events that would require fancy dress were limited to E-6 and above. I miss those days.....

[EdnaMarie]

5LM, thanks! Yes, he is Army. I'm not looking forward much to events but I'm looking forward to the result of brown-nosing and being social at said events, which we hope to be promotion.

Good to know about ACUs. I didn't want him showing up unkempt. I will just be vigilant about getting them out of the dryer on time. I wash with BioKleen, no brighteners. Nothing gets clean in my mom's old top-loader. I hear we won't get to buy our own in Germany, either, though I was dreaming of a front-loader LG like the one I had before. Sigh.

The Gap doesn't have anything that fancy. It has to be versatile and black to match my shoes.

Is your DH E6 or higher? Were you the one who had to keep buying more lipstick? At least they sell nice lipstick in the PX. It's like Duty Free!

[~Katie~]

Yes ACU's are wash and wear, they don't wrinkle. I wash on warm and dry in the dryer, he pulls them out and throws them on. Just remember to take off his rank and everything before putting them in the washer. And FWIW, my DH is an O-2 and I don't dress up or wear really nice stuff ever. We've only ever been to dining out's when he was a cadet. Depending on the unit you may have a dining out once or twice a year, but I can't think of any other activity where more than casual attire would be necessary. Maybe dress pants for a holiday party but nothing more than that.

[EdnaMarie]

How interesting, Katie. I read on AFTB that I should respect dress codes as per invitation and some were given and they were way more formal than this West-Coast-born-and-raised, aid-working casual dresser has ever done as a requirement. It's so good to talk to Military moms that I have something else in common with.

But hey, wait a second. Are you just trying to get me to spend my Gap bonus on clearance items for a holiday helpers package?

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

My dh is now a W-2, and we've had some events where a cocktail dress was required. I'm thinking mostly about the General's New Year's reception or dining outs. I tend to be pretty conservative in my dress and have found many a dress, whether for a ball or a reception or a Hail and Farewell at Ross.

I think that like in anything, you'll find all kinds of dress at any event, but it is a general "rule of thumb" to follow the dress code in the invite - if one is specified.

Also, every unit is different in what events they hold. We've been in some units that are very "social" for lack of a better word, and others that have very few social events.

[~Katie~]

@Edna. Well if you insist....

It has to depend on the unit because none we've ever been a part of gave two hoots about what you wear, only for dining out's. I've honestly never seen a dress code for any other event. I am not a dressy person either so I dig that, but I don't mind dressing up every once in a while.

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

@Edna. Well if you insist....

It has to depend on the unit because none we've ever been a part of gave two hoots about what you wear, only for dining out's. I've honestly never seen a dress code for any other event. I am not a dressy person either so I dig that, but I don't mind dressing up every once in a while.

ITA. The last time we went to a dining out was when DH graduated from OCS, and the dress code was formal. Otherwise, dress is always casual. It would be nice to have a reason to get out of the jeans more often, but at least I save money this way!