Military Moms - Sept. - Oct. 09 - Page 3

[remijo]

Finally got our ship date! DH leaves on Feb 16 to Ft. Jackson for basic then to Benning for OCS then to wherever for training. The timing is good and bad. He will be home for the birth and to meet the baby but gone for his/her whole first year practically. I almost wished he was gone for the pregnancy more and back sooner but that's the way it works.

[gagin37]

Just now making it over to the new thread. Dh has been on leave for the last couple weeks and we've been really busy as a result. We just got back from a quick weekend trip to DC which was a lot of fun. neither of us had ever been, so we saw a lot of the memorials and monuments.

SarahW- so glad you are ok, I can't imagine how scary that must have been. Wishing you a speedy recovery and trip home!

[HappyFox05]

SarahW - Glad you're (mostly) ok & I hope the burns heal well. And please forgive me for thinking, "Finally - another MDC mama who's been blown up". As a (up til retirement last Oct) military member & a mom, I've always felt like a bit of an outsider. We'll keep you in our prayers.

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by remijo

Finally got our ship date! DH leaves on Feb 16 to Ft. Jackson for basic then to Benning for OCS then to wherever for training. The timing is good and bad. He will be home for the birth and to meet the baby but gone for his/her whole first year practically. I almost wished he was gone for the pregnancy more and back sooner but that's the way it works.

Good luck mama, and good luck to your DH. Basic is very intense, as it should be, but OCS tends to be unnecessarily crummy (i.e. lots of movement and communication restriction that seems to be without purpose). My DH left for OCS 10 days after our youngest was born, and only saw him twice prior to graduation even though we lived at Fort Benning! Do you have any idea of what your DH prefers for branching?

[Sarah W]

I should be manifested tonight and flying to the US tomorrow!

I do think there should be a military smilie. I don't think it's as contentious as a "I support the war" banners. There are military families and those families have members who are deployed. Politics aside, there should be that type of support for members.

[~Katie~]

Glad you're going home, Sarah!

DH left today This was over way too quick. Let's hope that the next 7 or so months fly by.

[gagin37]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

DH left today This was over way too quick. Let's hope that the next 7 or so months fly by.

[~Adorkable~]

a early welcome home fore
Sarah!
a big hug for Kattie

[Soul-O]

Sarah: Good to hear that you are safe and sound back in the states. Here's to a speedy recovery!

Katie: . I hope the next seven months go by in a flurry of fun activities and great memories for you and your two.

Here's a question to spur some conversation: What is your best suggestion for self-care while your DH/SO/DW is deployed? I'm working a lot on making sure my kids will be supported, but haven't thought too much about myself, beyond scheduling activities to keep busy and hiring a regular sitter for 1 - 2 mornings per week so that I can get out on my own. Thoughts from the more experienced mamas?

[~Katie~]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

Here's a question to spur some conversation: What is your best suggestion for self-care while your DH/SO/DW is deployed? I'm working a lot on making sure my kids will be supported, but haven't thought too much about myself, beyond scheduling activities to keep busy and hiring a regular sitter for 1 - 2 mornings per week so that I can get out on my own. Thoughts from the more experienced mamas?

Those are two important things. I don't have a regular babysitter but it would be nice if I did every once in a while. I think for a while it's a good idea to have low expectations of yourself until you figure out a routine. I give myself permission to have down days where I take a break from things and hang out in my pj's and watch movies with the kids all day. It's really important to have "you" time, for me that tends to be after the kids go to bed but I will honestly spend 4 hours sitting on the couch doing nothing but reading or watching TV or using the internet and I don't feel guilty about it. I need to shut off my brain for a while.

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

Those are two important things. I don't have a regular babysitter but it would be nice if I did every once in a while. I think for a while it's a good idea to have low expectations of yourself until you figure out a routine. I give myself permission to have down days where I take a break from things and hang out in my pj's and watch movies with the kids all day. It's really important to have "you" time, for me that tends to be after the kids go to bed but I will honestly spend 4 hours sitting on the couch doing nothing but reading or watching TV or using the internet and I don't feel guilty about it. I need to shut off my brain for a while.

The movie day sounds great! I was thinking that regular exercise, even it's just 30 minutes of Wii Fit or a long walk with the kids & doggie, would be key to keeping spirits up. This area is notorious for causing seasonal depression in the winter because there is little sunlight, so taking advantage of good weather will be important.

Katie: I did have to mention that I both smile and have tears when I look at the picture in your profile. Your DD is so lovely and full of joy, and it's obvious how much your DH is enjoying her in the picture. I get a sense from the photo of how difficult it is for the deployed person, who is missing their children but is aware of the need to finish the mission.

Originally Posted by MangoMommy

I totally agree. The military is much more than just "killing people" . Pick a natural disaster...our military is there.

This is so true. Many years ago, I dated a Seabee, and his construction battalion was deployed to just about every natural disaster one could think of (i.e. typhoons, hurricanes etc.) to rebuild. Our military does a lot of wonderful humanitarian work in many parts of the country, and does not get much notice for doing so.

[~Katie~]

Oh yes, exercise is crucial! I like to walk for at least 45 minutes with the kids every night, it releases a lot of feel-good hormones and helps me unwind a lot. I'm looking into getting Wii Fit for the winter time, how do you like Wii Fit?

And thank you for your compliment about the picture That was DH holding her for the first time, he wouldn't even wait for me to get out of the car so that's where their first pictures together were taken. I added some of R&R to my album for whoever is interested. I think for both of us we view this as a mission, for me it's an exercise in learning about all of my strengths as a mother and partner. This isn't really something you get over, it's hard no matter how you look at it, it's just a matter of accepting it as reality and learning to make it work as best as you can.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

Sarah: Good to hear that you are safe and sound back in the states. Here's to a speedy recovery!

Katie: . I hope the next seven months go by in a flurry of fun activities and great memories for you and your two.

Here's a question to spur some conversation: What is your best suggestion for self-care while your DH/SO/DW is deployed? I'm working a lot on making sure my kids will be supported, but haven't thought too much about myself, beyond scheduling activities to keep busy and hiring a regular sitter for 1 - 2 mornings per week so that I can get out on my own. Thoughts from the more experienced mamas?

Before DH was in training with the military, he was overseas working anyway, also in Afghanistan.

I have found that the following helps me:

1. Have a community. For me it's the YMCA. I hardly know the people there but I can put my kids in the nursery, we can go swimming there, and we can take classes that put a kind of spine or skeleton upon which to hang our weekly routine. Plus they have fun stuff like camp for kids and "Parents' Night Out" when you can leave your kids for a paltry sum and go have fun. Which brings me to:

2. Routine. We get up to the alarm so that we can go to bed on time. We go shopping on the same day of the week every week for a whole session (4 - 8 weeks) at the YMCA. We eat a hot breakfast. We always get dressed, no matter what. We always leave the house at least once for a walk, if for nothing else. These are tips for staving off depression, for keeping alive. Also, when DH comes home, he comes home to a real home that is functioning, predictable, and active. It's not like we've all been amoebas and he has to somehow activate us. Yes, we depend on him, but he can also depend on us.

3. I am trying to keep in touch with the military community in small ways (we get the Army Times, LOL, I never finish half of it, but I try!) at least now, will be bigger when he's actually at work. I want to start doing things for deployed soldiers even when he's not deployed. That way, I can feel more connected to him when I speak to him, to talk to him about things he can more easily relate to.

4. I'm going to counseling once a month. This has more to do with past, pre-Army problems but guess what: Tricare covers it!!! I'm totally planning on continuing.

So, those are my business trip / training coping mechanisms.

[remijo]

EdnaMarie,

Those are some great tips! I think those will really come in handy for when DH leaves in February. Thank you!

[Soul-O]

Thanks so much, EdnaMarie! Your suggestions are terrific! I would like to put together a list of the suggestions everyone has posted here for my FRG families - is that OK with all of you?

One option I didn't mention in my previous post.. get involved! I'm a company level FRG leader, and I joined the Officer Spouses Club. These activities keep me busy, and they offer the opportunity to serve others and also be served. I have met some great wives that I wouldn't otherwise have met because their DHs are in different units. I have also met with the upper echelon officers (i.e. garrison commanders, generals etc.), and been able to relay our concerns about deployments, post life etc. to them. I am not typically a "joiner", but I do like volunteer work, so these activities fit the bill.

[Katsmamajama]

I'm totally having a preggo-brain moment, but to add on to the baysitter idea: Some installations have a program where spouses can get so many hours of free childcare, so you have some "me time" even if it's just running to the commisary. I can't remember for the life of me what it's called, though!

When DH deploys here, I try to focus 50-50 on keeping DD busy, and working on myself. One deployment, I worked on losing my baby weight. Or, I work on the house-- nothing serious, but just making some things better-- organizing closets, sorting out the kitchen and gettng matching dishes (that was a big one!), things like that.

[lalemma]

Can I ask a question of those of you who've had a baby while your husbands were away?

My husband is away for a few weeks right now for training, which I'm finding tougher than I would have expected (I'm at the end of the second trimester, first kid). He just told me there's a non-zero chance he'll be sent off in October for more training, training that would basically take him right up to my due date. So a pretty good chance that he'd miss the birth.

I'm not sure how to think about this. On the one hand, I know that if I have to do it, I can do it. Women give birth by themselves all the time. I'm sure it's no one's first choice, but you make it work.

But I also find it a completely overwhelming idea. How did those of you who've done this wrap your minds around the idea?

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by lalemma

Can I ask a question of those of you who've had a baby while your husbands were away?

My husband is away for a few weeks right now for training, which I'm finding tougher than I would have expected (I'm at the end of the second trimester, first kid). He just told me there's a non-zero chance he'll be sent off in October for more training, training that would basically take him right up to my due date. So a pretty good chance that he'd miss the birth.

I'm not sure how to think about this. On the one hand, I know that if I have to do it, I can do it. Women give birth by themselves all the time. I'm sure it's no one's first choice, but you make it work.

But I also find it a completely overwhelming idea. How did those of you who've done this wrap your minds around the idea?

I was at my mom's. That helped. Had a midwife. Frankly, we'd been going through some rough times so I didn't really want him there except as one human wants another human to see his child being born. I didn't want him to miss that, but I didn't miss him, if you know what I mean. Not at that time. That doesn't answer your question but that's how I did it. :

Anyway, re: smileys... let's not get this thread closed. Technically, we aren't supposed to debate moderation policy, or other threads, anywhere on MDC. I'm not a mod (HAH! so far from it, LOL) but I just know it's going to happen. I can see it coming.

[sapphire_chan]

Dh is about a month away from finishing his National Guard BCT and is thinking of switching to regular Army. He's been told that he could do that by seeing an Army recruiter in between BCT and AIT and that would let him go to AIT for a different MOS than his current one. His current one was chosen mainly because with him going into the reserves, we didn't want to move just for the one weekend a month. It's a vital one, but not one that uses any of his college training.

So his comparison lists (+ = pro, - = con) which I'd like you all to tell me if they're accurate

Active Army
+ steady job
+ improved benefits
- spending more time deployed
+ can get an MOS he wants
- have to move away from family to join unit
- may have to get rid of the cats

National Guard
- have to find a civilian job quickly
+ bonus and student loan repayment (may be available with active Army?)
+ less stressful training schedule
+ more control of life (like being able to move to a different state)

Really, it'd be better for him to go full-time Guard if that'd let him change MOS since one of his reasons for enlisting in the Guard was the chance to help out people in natural disasters and such.

We'll be in Columbia, SC one evening after BCT and in Richmond, VA for at least one afternoon and one day before he goes to AIT. Who should I call and how should I start the dialog?

[Maluhia]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Active Army
+ steady job
+ improved benefits
- spending more time deployed I can't decide how to make this BIGGER on this list, but it needs to be, in SO many ways.
+ can get an MOS he wants
- have to move away from family to join unit
- may have to get rid of the cats lots of military family have pets, I'm not sure why you'd "have" to get rid of the cats

National Guard
- have to find a civilian job quickly
+ bonus and student loan repayment (may be available with active Army?)
+ less stressful training schedule
+ more control of life (like being able to move to a different state)

Have him go into the Guard and change his MOS one he is in there - the people who are trying to change his mind have an interest in him filling a job in the regular Army where your MOS can be ignored for the "Needs of the Army."