Tandem nursing - support please

[Jennbee]

I could really use some support, words of encouragement, anything, with what to do with a demanding toddler who wants to nurse more than I'd like her to.
My baby is 4 months old and my toddler is 23 months old. My toddler has finally become more verbal in the past month and now she is very demanding when she wants to nurse. I often have to sneak upstairs with baby just so that I can nurse her and then put her to sleep. I just don't want to nurse both of them at the same time, everytime. Any tips on how to lessen the amount of times that a toddler would want to nurse?

[pbjmama]

Can you nurse the baby in a sling or otherwise 'on the go' so the toddler doesn't see or is distracted? IMO 23 months is old enough to have some limits so if you don't already have those in place you could try that. I think the key is letting the child know ahead of time so they know what to expect and have a sense of control over the situation. Last part especially important for an older child in a tandem situation as sometimes this demand to nurse comes from being jealous that the baby gets mama time and comfort when the older child doesn't. Good luck, it does keep getting easier.

[prothyraia]

My two have about the same age difference as yours. Nursing during pregnancy was really hard for me, so my oldest got used to limits before his brother arrived; this might make what I did after the baby was here not as simple for you. I know my son responded much better to my limiting time rather than nursing sessions. So, rather than tell him he couldn't nurse, I'd still nurse him mostly on demand but only for a minute or two.

It gets easier the older they get, I've found. Our worst moment was when my oldest came over and bit his nursing brother's head because he wanted to get to the breast

It sounds cheesy and silly, but when I was nursing my oldest and the baby was happily occupied with something else I would declare, firmly, "No, DS2, you may not nurse right now. DS1 is nursing. You have to wait." I figured that might help make up for all the times my toddler had to wait for his brother to finish.

[Jennbee]

Thanks for the replies. Setting limits hasn't worked well so far. Mostly when they nurse at the same time, my toddler is hanging head down over my side, while baby is lying next to me on the bed. So, sometimes it's hard to get her to stop when I tell her that she has to be done. She starts crying when I tell her to be done.
She had actually quit nursing for the last 2 months while I was pregnant. And when baby was born she started up again. At first she didn't remember how to nurse, so she would just put the nipple in her mouth and looked like she was expecting me to make the milk come out. Then it was so cute when she finally figured it out.
So, I'll probably keep working on setting limits. We most likely won't be giving up tandem nursing anytime soon.

[lurve]

i will be tandeming in six months so near BTDT. but it does seem from what i have read is that the toddler will nurse a lot at first and then slow down once the novelty wears off. so no real advice! but great gowing on the tandemning!

[lil_miss_understood]

Originally Posted by Jennbee

Thanks for the replies. Setting limits hasn't worked well so far. Mostly when they nurse at the same time, my toddler is hanging head down over my side, while baby is lying next to me on the bed. So, sometimes it's hard to get her to stop when I tell her that she has to be done. She starts crying when I tell her to be done.
She had actually quit nursing for the last 2 months while I was pregnant. And when baby was born she started up again. At first she didn't remember how to nurse, so she would just put the nipple in her mouth and looked like she was expecting me to make the milk come out. Then it was so cute when she finally figured it out.
So, I'll probably keep working on setting limits. We most likely won't be giving up tandem nursing anytime soon.

I'm here with you, Jennbee.
I don't nurse mine at the same time ever. I'm just not built to do it laying down and don't have a chair in which it would be anything resembling comfortable.
What has helped with DS2 the most is giving him notice that nursing time is coming to a close and counting. That might sound ridiculous but... As soon as DS3 starts to fuss if DS2 is nursing, I will tell DS2 "You have one more minute and then I have to feed DS3." I watch the clock until the time changes and then I count backwards from 10 to 0 and gently tell DS2 "Your time is up. You need to unlatch now." In the beginning (and sometimes still, though rarely), we had some melt downs but I'd tell DS2 he was welcome to get a book and I'd read it to him or he could get a blanket and cuddle with DS3 and I, but otherwise ignore the behavior. We did have one incident of him biting DS3 but it must be noted that DS2 only nursed on my left side until DS3 was born and then got shifted over to my right side (long story involving an inverted nipple). So he felt displaced bc all of a sudden DS3 got what he thought of as "the good side". Then he realized that DS2 got one side (the left) and he got one side (the right). Of course, all of this is specific to our situation...
Anyway, hopefully something I've wrote will help somehow.

[jillmamma]

A few things that helped me...
~ nurse while DS was otherwise distracted...playing cars, watching a movie, playing outside, etc., also keep him busy so he would not ask as often
~ instead of just saying "no", I would tell him "night right now, but later after..." (nap, lunch, whatever) and he seemed to accept that better
~ nurse DD in a sling so that DS would not notice exactly what she was doing