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Biggest Fear for birth and baby

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
Lately this has been creeping up on me, so I thought, I'll share my thoughts and maybe others can tell there's as well?

My biggest fear is, that I won't be able to connect with my child. I am just no one that "clicks" very easily with people or children. My husband usually has an instant connection with little children and babies. And I am sometimes a bit jealous though.

His biggest fear is, to be a responsible father. His father stinks, so this is something really important to him.
post #2 of 42
My biggest fear about the birth is that I'll tear again. That was awful last time.

My biggest fear about the baby is that I won't be a good enough mother to a second child because I won't have the energy I had to devote to the first.
post #3 of 42
I have this same fear too. I'm not very bonded with either of my parents. That's why natural birth and breastfeeding are so important to me! I'm so afraid of a c-section for this reason. I'm praying praying praying for a healthy and safe natural delivery. I need all the help nature can give me!
post #4 of 42
I'm so glad you posted this! My biggest fear is just weighing on me a lot. My fear is that this little guy will be premature like my first child. DS came at 35 weeks and even though he was healthy (no NICU), I still feel like he wasn't ready to be born. DS1 felt just miserable and couldn't be set down for the first 6 weeks of his life (I mean literally 24/7) without crying uncontrollably. I feel like if he would have come later that he would've been more comfortable in his own skin out in the world.

And this past weekend I camped with DH's family and their friends. All weekend I kept hearing how low I was carrying and how there is no way I'll go another 3 months...sigh...they were all nice ppl but playing on my fear so much! And I'm not due until Nov. 28th!!
post #5 of 42
If I lay it all out there, my biggest fear is that the baby would die at the homebirth and I'd get to live with/hear about it for the rest of my life. I know the chances of that are slim, but it is my biggest fear.
post #6 of 42
This is so timely, because I just had very vivid dreams about this last night...my fear is that I'll never know what it feels like to go into labor on my own. This is silly, right? Because all babies come out eventually! But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if my body is defective and my visions of a beautiful homebirth will result in disappointment--stuck in the hospital bed, on the pitocin drip again.

I'm also worried about tearing again and that my tendency to "overthink" things will somehow impede my labor.

Phew, thanks for listening. That felt good to get out.

Belltree and Carrie-- These are your first children, right? Your fear is totally understandable. I do know that bonding can be a very real issue for some, but for many (if not most), meeting your children for the first time is something like falling totally, hopelessly, head-over-heels, crazy in love one hundred times over.
post #7 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogautumn View Post
This is so timely, because I just had very vivid dreams about this last night...my fear is that I'll never know what it feels like to go into labor on my own. This is silly, right? Because all babies come out eventually! But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if my body is defective and my visions of a beautiful homebirth will result in disappointment--stuck in the hospital bed, on the pitocin drip again.

My first two were induced so I know how you feel. When dd was coming, I knew. I had barely any labor all day but I could feel the regular contrations. My water broke at about 10:30 that night and then it really kicked in. There was no mistaking.
post #8 of 42
Worst case scenerio for me for the birth is a c-section. Even though I KNOW it would only be an a true emergency, I still don't think I could ever get over birthing a baby that way and all that comes with it. (I think this one is mostly because I've been in the room for a few)

The birth itself... I dread the pain. I dread pushing. Pushing hurt like hell with my last birth... I think because his body was born all in one heavy duty push. I do sometimes have moments of panic when I think about pushing another baby out.

As for this child, I fear a lot more about he and his health. I have big concerns about autism as we already have a son with it. My last child had really bad colic and it would be very difficult to have another scream-all-day-and-night baby, but we'd survive. Of course I haven't even allowed myself to really take in the reality of having three children who are four years (developmentally delayed) two years, and a newborn. I am a little scared I won't bond with him as easily as I did the other two.
post #9 of 42
good thread topic..

i don't really have any concrete fears--but more just this vague panic that i won't be able to cope with life once this new kid is born :

bad timing, yk? i am supposed to be working MORE, not taking time off to deal with childbirth. i don't want to have to prioritize things like that, but we are in too much trouble financially for me to do anything else :
post #10 of 42
my biggest fear for birth is an episiotomy(i know, should be the least of my fears), but it is still very fresh in my mind and it still gives me chills thinking it could always happen without me knowing.

my biggest fear for baby is he isn't healthy... i would feel more guilt over this than anything i ever have. before i knew i was pregnant i did plenty of awful things that could have done damage(he moves A LOT with good force so this eases my mind some), but still... him coming out with something wrong and unfix-able would just break my heart.

please come out strong and healthy kaine.
post #11 of 42
Thread Starter 
frogautumn, thank you for your kind words What you said, is what I read in books, but then I am afraid of ppd as well. I know I should be worried about other things, like my health, the health of my baby etc. But heck, you can't always choose your fears.

Krystal323, I sort of know what you mean. I had hoped to finish my degree in a year and I will run out of funding. Yes, this is a very much wanted baby, but it also came a bit of a surprised, after being told, that I would not be able to conceive without hormonal therapy and IVF.
post #12 of 42
I'm worried about not having the strength (mentally/physically) to endure a long labor.

Tips?
post #13 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by belltree View Post
frogautumn, thank you for your kind words What you said, is what I read in books, but then I am afraid of ppd as well. I know I should be worried about other things, like my health, the health of my baby etc. But heck, you can't always choose your fears.
Just an anecdote...I am considered at risk for PPD. My mother committed suicide as a result of PPD when I was a baby, her sister suffered severe depression and addiction issues which resulted in her suicide, and I have struggled with minor-to-major depression throughout my life. When I was pg with DS#1, I was seeing a therapist, taking Omega 3s, and had established a relationship with a psychiatrist in case we felt meds were necessary. They never were--I think I had the opposite of PPD--it was like some sort of post-partum euphoria. It was a tremendously powerful and healing experience. I also think that our success with nursing and other AP methods really contributed to a feeling of well-being. I plan on doing all these things again with the addition of using the placenta in order to be proactive.
post #14 of 42
Thread Starter 
frogautumn, thank you for sharing your story. I have been thinking about "placenta eating" as well. I know that hormonal changes (PMS) can really through me off sometimes. But we are also debating a Lotus birth, if the hospital let's us do it. And I am not sure, if eating the placenta and Lotus birth wouldn't be excluding each other.
post #15 of 42
Frogautumn, thank you for sharing your story, as well. I had bad prenatal/PPD w/ DD. I have a strong family history as well, and having social issues on top of that (my father died, DH didn't want me to keep my pregnancy, etc.) I felt driven to the edge constantly. I can't believe I survived, actually.

I'm going to keep what you did in mind; I think I'll keep the Omega 3's flowing this time PP, as they have helped TREMENDOUSLY with prenatal depression (what's that? ) and have the counseling lined up in case I need it.
post #16 of 42
my biggest fear Today is the pain of labor i did my boys both wit no pain killers and no epi and i remember how Really bad the pain was and it scares me to think of labor again!
my 2nd fear is my mom she is so bonded with my son its Great but she doesnt seem to really care much about this pregnacy at all and i fear she wont connect with this baby seing and she had 2 girls and lost my brother at 38 weeks thats why she says she is so bonded with my son
post #17 of 42
Since I have GD I'm worried about the baby having blood sugar issues after birth. I'm not so much concerned with size, I think that's a grossly overused scare tactic.

As for the birth, I think my biggest fear is a c-section. I barely escaped having one with dd. I just don't want to deal with surgery. Of course if I have to, I have to-but I will do everything in my power to avoid it.
post #18 of 42
Is it really vain and shallow that right now one of my biggest fears is that I'll poop in front of everyone?

Seriously though, I'm not that scared that something will be wrong with the baby or me. I guess I just have a lot of faith it's going to be "okay."

That said, I really felt/heard what Youngfrankenstein said about something going wrong at a homebirth and not just having to deal with the grief, but also the guilt and condemnation (both internal and external).
post #19 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by jess5377 View Post
Is it really vain and shallow that right now one of my biggest fears is that I'll poop in front of everyone?

Seriously though, I'm not that scared that something will be wrong with the baby or me. I guess I just have a lot of faith it's going to be "okay."

That said, I really felt/heard what Youngfrankenstein said about something going wrong at a homebirth and not just having to deal with the grief, but also the guilt and condemnation (both internal and external).
We're sisters! I am excited to try a water birth but I've heard so many stories of "floaties".

I know I "went" while my boys were born (inductions so no natural cleansing) and dh said it was really gross. And that's saying a lot because nothing grosses him out.

Seriously, again, I have made peace with the risks of homebirth but no one else IRL is as educated about the subject. It's their perceptions that I fear if the unthinkable happens.

Of course now I'm going to get ranty about the risks of hospital birth that no one blames mom and dad for.....
post #20 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by First-Time-Mommy View Post
him coming out with something wrong and unfix-able would just break my heart.
This too, for me. I'm afraid of something awful like anencephaly that would have been diagnosed by ultrasound had I been willing to have one.
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