party: what would you have done?

[Siar]

I've just dropped my five-year-old DS off at a party. When we arrived I realised it was a disco (DS does not like loud noise) with flashing lights and everything. I didn't know this before. I would have stayed with him (in fact it's the first time I've ever left him at a party), but I had my six-month-old DD with me and I really didn't want her to be in that environment. I asked DS if he wanted to stay and he chose to. There is nowhere for him to escape from the loud music (except for outside and it's pouring with rain). I found the environment very stressful and a complete assault on the senses. I've asked a friend to keep her eye on him and I've phoned his Dad and asked him to arrive at the party early in case he wants to come home sooner. Do you think I'm looking after his needs enough? what would you have done in the same situation?

[Heavenly]

Personally, I would have said, "Have a great time," and left. I am not a big fan of coddling kids or being way overprotective. I think you are overthinking things and he will be just fine.

[Siar]

I didn't think I was being overprotective. Just concerned because I know from going to concerts with him in the past that he finds loud music painful and is often deaf for a few hours afterwards. Also it was the first time he'd been left at a party without a parent. I didn't say to him did he want to stay or leave though, I just said "are you okay to stay because I don't want to bring your sister up to the party" (she was asleep in the pushchair downstairs). I didn't make any issue of the loud music at all. thanks for your opinion though.

[Jessy1019]

Sounds like the parents set up a cool party!

I would have kissed my child good bye and told her to have fun. I'd expect her friend's parents to call me if she was really miserable for any reason, but it doesn't sound like a bothersome environment to me. In fact, Rylie went to a party like that when she was 3ish, at a friend's house . . . they had the disco ball, strobe lights, etc. She thought it was neat!

[earthmama369]

I have a sensory kiddo and I can see how he reacts more strongly at times to sensory input than other children. I think in that situation, at that age, I would do what you've done. Give him the chance to try it -- because you never know when they're going to hit a stage where they can figure out how to cope with something that's bothered them to distraction before -- and set up a means for early escape *if* he wants to use it. It sounds like your ds is at a good age to start trying these experiences a little more independently and see if he can figure out how to handle them and have fun, or if he needs to set his own boundaries a little closer next time.

[mysticmomma]

I think you did fine. I may have mentioned something to the host about "sensitive ears" in addition but otherwise you covered it. I don't see any overprotectiveness there.

[amcal]

I think you did just fine leaving him.

He said he wanted to stay and I think it's great that you let him.

I would be careful putting ideas into his head. I am very guilty of doing this - saying things like "wow, it's really loud in here - are you sure you want to stay?" When in reality, my kid probably never thought a thing about it or if they did, they were working it through on their own - weighing their desire to stay at the party over the irritating noise level. I think it's great that he worked it through and decided to stay.

Our kids are going to be exposed to things all the time that are maybe outside of their comfort level and it's great that they figure out how to navagate through them in a safe environment.

[Siar]

update: he seemed to enjoy the party, although his Dad says he was hiding under a chair when he went to pick him up!