A Weekend Away - Would You Go? - Page 6

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by limabean

I don't want to go down this road -- there's too much potential for hurt feelings.

I am pretty much okay with it now. I regret that they weren't born vaginally. But I dont' feel like it was my fault. There were true medical issues involved, and I feel happy to be alive, and for my children to be alive.

Same as WOHM - I know some (who now have grown children) who wish they could have stayed home. They felt it would have been better to be with their children. But there were other circumstances at play (one women was a widow very young). But she recognizes that even though it was not possible, her chidren would have been better off with her home.

[Beene]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

Very well said, sparklin

Beene, actually the opposit of what you say tends to be true. Usually when you meet a child's needs until they grow out of them, then they grow into healthy independant adults. However, when their needs aren't met in the early years, that is when I see adults who act like babies.

Got any statistics for when a mother's needs aren't being met? I do...

[Oriole]

Some babies demand their mamas more than others. Just a personality thing, or maybe a circumstances led for the bond to be exclusive. In that case, it might be bad idea to leave for a weekend.

But, in other cases, babies have a very healthy bond with both parents, or multiple caregivers (grandparents, babysitters, etc.), and don't cry at drop offs, and are happy to spend the time with those that watch them on a regular basis.

Either way, sounds like in OP's case the baby is more than okay, and it's great that OP trusts her husband and does not minimize his role in child rearing. It also sounds like dad is willing and no less able to parent. Which is a whole another level of great.

Enjoy the weekend. Dads are no less capable than moms, at least in our case. DSD spent early morning through 4-5pm with her dad from 3 months onward. She was daddy's girl until very recently through and through.

What babies need is love and security, and moms are not the only parents able to provide that, in some families. It's something to be celebrated for that family unit. It takes a village, and the whole bit...

By the way, I don't think historically mothers were exclusive caregivers. I think they heavily depended on other women in the community, once the baby started crawling and willing to explore the world, even more so, yk?

[Beene]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

and actually maybe they're not doing the best thing in terms of their child's emotions. But I understand that there are other factors like needing to buy groceries, etc. which benefit the child in other ways. I think babies are designed by nature/God to need close proximity to their moms. And I use the term baby broadly.

You know, I think that the disagreement here goes to show that it really is a matter of OPINION. There is no definitive way to PROVE that babies whose mothers never stepped out of the house are more functional adults. There are so many different levels of emotional and mental health that it is just not prove-able by any study. What about mothers who CHOOSE to have a career or to study while parenting? You make it sound like the only moms who work are those who HAVE to. My mother was a GREAT attached mother to me when I was growing up and she taught me what a woman is truly capable of in this life. She got her phd when I was 1 year old. I am an intelligent, emotionally mature, successful woman and a fantastic mother who chooses to work from home because it makes me happy. But I would NEVER judge another mother for choosing to be a great mother and having a great career at the same time.

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

Same as WOHM - I know some (who now have grown children) who wish they could have stayed home. They felt it would have been better to be with their children. But there were other circumstances at play (one women was a widow very young). But she recognizes that even though it was not possible, her chidren would have been better off with her home.

I think this is very different for each family, and that's the important thing to remember. Not all families are the same. I spent a lot of time in daycare from a very young age, but I am very well adjusted, hold a degree, in a healthy relationship, with a more or less stable job, and have a beautiful relationship with my SO of 9 years, as well as all of my siblings and parents. < I write from a happy place, can't you tell? >

I think when children growing up having attachment, confidence or relationship problems, it comes from a much deeper place than mom having to work or taking a weekend away, yk? It is absolutely possible to raise happy confident kids while working, or taking some time to refresh.

I wish my parents did that.

[BabyMae09]

I'm really glad that you're going, OP.

And I didn't mean to sound snarky to anyone - I wish that every Mom could have some time to refresh whenever she needs it

I was just saying that I PERSONALLY wouldn't pay much attention to that one post, because my family works differently

To each their own!

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Beene

Got any statistics for when a mother's needs aren't being met? I do...

I did not say, don't meet the mother's needs, I justy said there are ways of meeting them (I'm positive) that don't involve a weekend away from baby.

[Beene]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

I did not say, don't meet the mother's needs, I justy said there are ways of meeting them (I'm positive) that don't involve a weekend away from baby.

uh-huh....and are you in a position to define the needs of another mother?

[Dandelionkid]

OP- only you know what the cost-benefit ratio is for a weekend away. Some moms need time away and some not so much. I do know that, personally speaking, my batteries *recharge* very quickly. I take an hour at the gym 3x a week and feel like a new woman. Anything more than a couple hrs doesn't do anything extra for my peace of mind, rather I start missing the kids and the cost-benefit ratio goes down (I have a smaller one than you- 8 months). Not martyr on one side, selfish mother on the other- just different people with different needs! Hope your decision becomes clearer to you OP.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

OP- only you know what the cost-benefit ratio is for a weekend away. Some moms need time away and some not so much. I do know that, personally speaking, my batteries *recharge* very quickly. I take an hour at the gym 3x a week and feel like a new woman. Anything more than a couple hrs doesn't do anything extra for my peace of mind, rather I start missing the kids and the cost-benefit ratio goes down (I have a smaller one than you- 8 months). Not martyr on one side, selfish mother on the other- just different people with different needs! Hope your decision becomes clearer to you OP.

I used to recharge very quickly. I'd go shopping for an hour and feel like a new mom.

Now that my baby is almost 3, after a few miscarriages, and with a job that's no longer what it used to be, a few hours isn't enough.

What I'm trying to say is that needs can change over time. Things happen that change how the game is played.

[Equuskia]

Closing this thread as it has run its course.