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A Weekend Away - Would You Go? - Page 3

post #41 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
She's talking about 2 days!! No one said anything about a week long trip!
another poster said she was going for a weeklong trip
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post #42 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:47pm
Well, I'd go. But I'm not you!

It all depends on you and your family. I am very lucky to have a husband who has been an equal partner in parenting our child. I'm lucky to have had a baby that was an easy-going little sprout. If I didn't think he could handle it or think she could handle it, my decision would be different.

You actually sound pretty confident in your husband--that is a great thing and it makes me so sad to see how uncommon it is!
post #43 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
Yes, I would go. I don't buy into the idea of a mother feeling guilt about leaving their kids with the other parent.
Couldn't have said it better. Enjoy.
post #44 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:49pm
Quote:
I think it would be really awful for a baby to wonder where that person went to and are they ever coming back??
You do realize that some women's work requires them to travel? Or even deploy?

Your child has a wonderful father, what is there to feel guilty about? My mother worked weekends when we were toddlers and so our Dad took care of us every weekend. Growing up, I was equally close to my parents and I do think some of that was having parents who really believed that fathers are equally as important as mothers.
post #45 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:51pm
I wouldn't even take the time to post about it, my bags would be packed and I'd be out the door so fast all you'd see was my dust.

Go enjoy yourself, forget the guilt it helps no one, you daughter will be with her father the one on one time will be amazing for them.
post #46 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
You do realize that some women's work requires them to travel? Or even deploy?

Your child has a wonderful father, what is there to feel guilty about? My mother worked weekends when we were toddlers and so our Dad took care of us every weekend. Growing up, I was equally close to my parents and I do think some of that was having parents who really believed that fathers are equally as important as mothers.

Yes. the need to work does not change a baby's development.
post #47 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:52pm
Go and have fun.
post #48 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
You do realize that some women's work requires them to travel? Or even deploy?

Your child has a wonderful father, what is there to feel guilty about? My mother worked weekends when we were toddlers and so our Dad took care of us every weekend. Growing up, I was equally close to my parents and I do think some of that was having parents who really believed that fathers are equally as important as mothers.
do you think babies understand time, etc? I know that sometimes separation cannot be avoided. But the baby still will wonder where their mom went, and miss her.
post #49 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:54pm
Quote:
Yes. the need to work does not change a baby's development.
Can you clarify that? I'm not sure what you mean.
post #50 of 111
9/8/09 at 9:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
Can you clarify that? I'm not sure what you mean.

i mean that babies don't understand time and seperation the way we do. and mom NEEDING to work doesn't change that.
post #51 of 111
9/8/09 at 10:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
Does your DH leave your kids with you for longer than 1 hour per 6 months of age? Just because mom's can nurse babies doesn't mean they are more important than the dad.

Also - way to make every mom who has to work feel guilty. Some women don't have a choice and have to leave their babies for longer than your guidelines.

OP, your DH is a parent too. Let him do his job and go have some fun.
This is just what works for OUR family. We find that for our kids, the physical presence of Mommy is important
post #52 of 111
9/8/09 at 10:34pm
Would I have gone and left my 16 month old for the weekend? No.

That said, I don't think you should feel any guilt over doing so. Neither of my kids could have handled it well (and while DP is a great father, they were both heavy nursers at that age so it would have been traumatic even though he was there). But my family is not your family and it sounds like you have everything planned out and that it will NOT be traumatic for your family. Your realistic desire to go (I also would have been sooooo stressed out leaving my toddlers that long) makes it seem like a good idea. Add that into it being so close, so if it doesn't work you can be back fairly quickly, seems like an excellent plan.
post #53 of 111
9/8/09 at 10:47pm
I left DS at 13 months old (also not nursing) to go to a conference, left first thing Wednesday morning, got back late Saturday night. He was completely fine! I was definately more a wreck than he was. He was with daddy and with grammy while daddy had to work. It didn't hurt our bond in the slightest. According to them he didn't cry for me at all...not even after "talking" to me on the phone. He was definately excited to see me when I got home. I had HORRIBLE mommy guilt, especially because this was a totally my choice event and I flew 4 states away to go to it. You'll only be a 1/2 an hour away if they NEED you, and she'll be with her daddy. Go and ENJOY!
post #54 of 111
9/8/09 at 11:26pm
I remember once someone gave me grief for going out of town for a weekend (Friday night through Sunday mid-day), and the next week my DH had a work commitment one night, and it struck me that he didn't see the kids for exactly the same amount of time as me -- he saw them Tuesday night before bed, didn't see them at all on Wednesday because of the after-work thing, then saw them Thursday afternoon after work.

But since he was in town and sleeping in the same house, he didn't get the, "Oh, but won't the poor kids miss you??? How can you stand to be away from them for so long???" crap that I had to deal with.
post #55 of 111
9/9/09 at 12:43am
I think it sounds like a wonderful oppurtunity and I would go. It sounds like your DH and she will have a great time together. When DS was around the same age DH took him to visit family out of town for a long weekend. I missed DS terribly but it was nice to have some downtime, and DH and DS had a wonderful time!
post #56 of 111
9/9/09 at 12:46am
Quote:
i mean that babies don't understand time and seperation the way we do. and mom NEEDING to work doesn't change that.
This child is not a nursling. Children need to feel safe, secure and attached. Some children are lucky enough to have two parents (two moms, two dads or mom and dad) or another caregiver in addition to mom so that their child's devleopmental needs are being met even when one parent is gone.

If you can find the data that shows that only mothers can meet 16 month olds developmental needs properly, I'd love to see it.
post #57 of 111
9/9/09 at 1:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
This child is not a nursling. Children need to feel safe, secure and attached. Some children are lucky enough to have two parents (two moms, two dads or mom and dad) or another caregiver in addition to mom so that their child's devleopmental needs are being met even when one parent is gone.

If you can find the data that shows that only mothers can meet 16 month olds developmental needs properly, I'd love to see it.
Do you think that a 16 month old understands time and separation the way we do? I know from experience that they don't. They are confused when someoen they have been used to spending all their time with day in and day out is suddenly gone. it's not about meeting developmental needs, perse. it is just that their development is different than ours. and yes, they will miss their mom, and probably not understand that she is coming back in 48 hours.
post #58 of 111
9/9/09 at 9:24am
OP, it sounds like you really want to go, so I would totally go for it. At 16 months I personally wouldn't have left my LO overnight, but if I had had your situation, I would have (hope that makes sense).

So go and enjoy yourself! And yeah, some of us will be living vicariously.
post #59 of 111
9/9/09 at 9:55am
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
Do you think that a 16 month old understands time and separation the way we do? I know from experience that they don't. They are confused when someoen they have been used to spending all their time with day in and day out is suddenly gone. it's not about meeting developmental needs, perse. it is just that their development is different than ours. and yes, they will miss their mom, and probably not understand that she is coming back in 48 hours.
In my experience...when you return on Sunday, baby will smile and life will go on. And baby will get a glimpse of the fact that sometimes Mommy isn't there, but she always comes back, and that Daddy can take care of her just fine too.
post #60 of 111
9/9/09 at 10:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Yes, I would. I think time to renew yourself is crucial. Being a good parent takes mental and spiritual energy. Furthermore, giving your dd time to be with dad and see dad as a primary care giver is a good thing.
I agree. Having time away makes you a better mom. That's what your lo needs! I think moms try to be superhuman these days, and it's not good for anyone. We all need a break, and a weekend is a perfectly reasonable amount of time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by madskye View Post

It all depends on you and your family. I am very lucky to have a husband who has been an equal partner in parenting our child. I'm lucky to have had a baby that was an easy-going little sprout. If I didn't think he could handle it or think she could handle it, my decision would be different.

You actually sound pretty confident in your husband--that is a great thing and it makes me so sad to see how uncommon it is!
I agree with this, too. Every family is different-- every child is different. What works for your family may not work for another. There shouldn't be any guilt involved in that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by madskye View Post
In my experience...when you return on Sunday, baby will smile and life will go on. And baby will get a glimpse of the fact that sometimes Mommy isn't there, but she always comes back, and that Daddy can take care of her just fine too.
YES! I'd go!
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