~ Fall IVF Cyclers ~ - Page 5

[poetgirl]

5Terre, First,
I agree that it is always a wound. Even being elated to have had this early success, I was subject to a long diatribe of insensitive pregnancy/ivf talk this weekend and I was surprised to feel how much this experience has shaped me and how that is firmly planted. I will never forget what I call 'the dark side of the moon'. I will say that I always felt so 'fertile' in spirit, in nature, in outlook on life and I took my lack of fertility extremely personally during the past three years. I realize now there was a glitch in the system that had nothing to do with me and I was always the woman I thought I was. Maybe I would not have come to that had I not had success but I hope I would have. The feeling is not contingent on getting pregnant. Lastly, even though this whole process is not at all what was expected or wanted, at times I couldn't help feeling on some level a rare appreciation for my body even attempting to produce a litter of eggs at once. Even when we were not successful, I felt compassionate toward my reproductive system for trying something so beyond normal capacity. I don't know if any of that will help. It's such a rough road with aspects you never imagined. More

Ktcl, Your projected ER will likely be a bit different so hopefully Megin can be there too. Personally, it was important for my partner to be in the room with me at ER. It is a really vulnerable intimate time and that support was so important to me. If you are alone the afternoon after the ER, just set up an area for yourself ahead of time with everything you need, so you can just sink in when you go home. GL with the shots. You can do it. Playing loud music while I did it kind of helped me, divided my sensory focus on something else, otherwise I felt all my perceptive energy was zooming in on the shots.

all around~

[5terre]

Quick question: I just had my U/S after 6 nights of stims. The sonographer has me write numbers down on the clipboard, but doesn't tell me much. I wrote down 13 and 13.5 on the line for right/left follicles (it is size, not number, I asked). Does that mean I only have 2???? Also there were 3 <10mm. I'm freaking out that there are only two... please tell me that is the average size of them... Must do the Anji meditation asap...

[gemasita]

5terre - sounds like you had at least 5. 2 that were 13 and 13.5 mm in size and 3 that were less than 10 mm in size. PLUS...I think they don't write down the smaller ones so you could have several more but they are not writing down the sizes of those yet.

AFM - my shot HURT this morning. I don't know what was up with that. It pricked like the dickens. And no AF yet.

poetgirl - what a great post. I feel the same way - fertile in a lot of ways and very "proud" of my ovary for doing so well and proud of my body for doing this, which is asking a lot of it. I know some other women who are moms now but say they still relate more to people going through fertility treatments because it was such a big part of their lives. I can totally see myself being the same way.

[Julia'sMom]

Originally Posted by poetgirl

Ktcl, Your projected ER will likely be a bit different so hopefully Megin can be there too. Personally, it was important for my partner to be in the room with me at ER. It is a really vulnerable intimate time and that support was so important to me. If you are alone the afternoon after the ER, just set up an area for yourself ahead of time with everything you need, so you can just sink in when you go home.

I agree that you need to be completely trusting of whomever is your support person for ER. They will see you in the drugged-out groggy state and hold you hand (potentially thru puking). Personally, I needed a support person at home for at least a few hours. I was still quite out of it and wasn't able to do much except use the bathroom. If your partner won't be there, definately get food, drinks and meds (extra strength tylenol) set-up before you go to ER. That way when you get home, you don't need to move anywhere other than your station. Good luck!

[5terre]

Daisy Yes, joyfully, simply, and in the privacy of your own bedroom this is certainly NOT.

Poet That is a good thought, to feel appreciation toward your body for trying so hard to do work beyond what is expected of it.

Gema Sorry the shot is painful.

Well it's not over yet, but it looks like I am a poor responder and I am expecting this cycle to get canceled after my bw/us on Friday morning. E2 was only 94 yesterday. They tripled my Repronex dose last night, who knows maybe that will help. I'm 32 and FSH was fine so we weren't expecting this. I was prepared for the possibility of not having anything normal/healthy to transfer, but I was not prepared to possibly not have enough eggs to even proceed with the ER. I am feeling very low and have had a lot of tears.

[gemasita]

5terre - oh gosh. That is certainly unexpected. Of course, I would rather be cancelled (since it's so expensive!) and try again with a different protocol then them go ahead with it and not have a good cycle. My last cycle probably should have been cancelled and while I would have been disappointed, I kind of hate to hear that they went forward with it when they probably shouldn't have. Well, this is what they mean by "taking one day at a time." It's hard to watch and wait every day and feel so out of control but that's all we can do. I know this must be just really disappointing for you. Keep us updated though - things can change. This is all good information for them.

AAM - had a rough night. Went to an event where I thought I could get away from baby talk just enjoy myself and it didn't turn out that way. I felt a little bit like I was at a baby shower. LOTS of baby/pregnancy talk. I was thinking, "this isn't good! I shouldn't be here!" So I left early but the damage was already done. Plus, one of my friends told me she is pregnant. And of course, I am THRILLED for her but sad for me. Then started thinking that I would be sad if this cycle didn't work because then we would miss out on being pg at the same time, which would be neat since she is a good friend. I just can't handle thinking that far ahead so I tried to stop thinking about that. AND...this Lupron has already started making me crazy. I really don't think I am good on Lupron. It and my body do not agree at all! I'm REALLY trying to concentrate on listening to my relaxation CDs. And I was supposed to work Friday and have that be my last day but I might skip it, which would make yesterday my last day. It's hard to know how I'll feel tomorrow. I need the money!

[poetgirl]

5Terre, I am SO sorry hon. My heart just aches for you. You weren't expecting this and it's a huge disappointment. I was oversuppressed when I cycled with Lupron so we did this past cycle with no bcp, and used Ganirelex instead as the suppressor. I used half doses of that and did 450 of gonal for 11 days I think. When the follicles had reached 10 mm, we switched to the full dose of Ganirelex and added in the repronex. This was a plan that I came up with my RE after consulting with the SHER institute (they specialize in difficult cases and offer free consultation). If this cycle gets canceled, you may want to look them up just to get more info for next time. I also took 75 mg of DHEA from the failed IVF to the successful one (5 mths) right up til ER. There is increasing evidence it helps with response and egg quality.
Again, I'm so sorry.

Gemasita, Oh that sounds like the wrong place at the wrong time. You probably wanted to airlift yourself right out of there. I am so sorry. Wishing every good thing for you this cycle. Waiting for AF, right? I'm sorry the Lupron is making you nuts.

Seedlings, how are you?

Daisy, Are you keeping yourself chill? The few days after ET were hard for me after I had the estrogen over 6000. If you cramp and feel sick, don't worry. It's not going to impede implantation. Just keep your smartwater close by and get through it.

[gemasita]

poetgirl - oh, yes, thanks for reminding me! AF came this a.m. so my Lupron Evaluation is scheduled for tomorrow a.m. If all is well, we will start stims. I'm a little nervous since Lupron is new for me.

[Seedlings]

Originally Posted by 5terre

Well it's not over yet, but it looks like I am a poor responder and I am expecting this cycle to get canceled after my bw/us on Friday morning. E2 was only 94 yesterday. They tripled my Repronex dose last night, who knows maybe that will help. I'm 32 and FSH was fine so we weren't expecting this. I was prepared for the possibility of not having anything normal/healthy to transfer, but I was not prepared to possibly not have enough eggs to even proceed with the ER. I am feeling very low and have had a lot of tears.

Oh I am so sorry . Are you talking to the nurse or re about what is happening? If your not talking to the re can you put a call into him and find out his opinion? My last re was not around very much during the stims so I am not sure how much he was actually aware of my response. I would just want to make sure he knew asap. The more info you can get from him the better. But I am sorry to hear this and please be good to yourself. Your in a dark spot and I am sorry ((((hugs))))) feeling this sort of pain hurts one to the core. Let us know how your doing.

[Seedlings]

Originally Posted by gemasita

LOTS of baby/pregnancy talk. I was thinking, "this isn't good! I shouldn't be here!" So I left early but the damage was already done. Plus, one of my friends told me she is pregnant. And of course, I am THRILLED for her but sad for me. Then started thinking that I would be sad if this cycle didn't work because then we would miss out on being pg at the same time, which would be neat since she is a good friend. I just can't handle thinking that far ahead so I tried to stop thinking about that. AND...this Lupron has already started making me crazy. I really don't think I am good on Lupron. It and my body do not agree at all! I'm REALLY trying to concentrate on listening to my relaxation CDs. And I was supposed to work Friday and have that be my last day but I might skip it, which would make yesterday my last day. It's hard to know how I'll feel tomorrow. I need the money!

I hope the relaxation cd's are working for you. I need a referal for some really great ones. How are you feeling about work? Is it something that you want to take time off of or will you go back there? You must be stressed between the unforeseen baby/pg news and cycling. I am glad you left early when you feel the pain it is best to take care of yourself and be in a safe place.

[gemasita]

How are you feeling about work? Is it something that you want to take time off of or will you go back there?

I'm a doula and self-employed so I decided to stop taking clients/attending births while doing the cycle. It's too hard to be on call and yet not have any concrete dates to tell people I am available/not available. In order to make sure I'm not on call during a cycle, I'll end up having to be off of work for 8 weeks or so. Which does suck because that's a lot of income to miss out on.

[gemasita]

Well, I went to my local clinic for my Lupron Evaluation and the first thing the nurse said when she looked at the screen was, "You have a massive cyst on your ovary." So....I guess we will be delayed by a week or so? I don't know. And I guess I will just continue with the Lupron...yuck. I wonder how long it will take for this cyst to go away....I'll get a call later from Shady Grove so we'll just see what they say.

[5terre]

Gema I'm sorry to hear about your setback. I hope it clears up quickly. I am so frustrated for you.

I am officially canceled. The Dr thinks it's more likely to be a Lupron sensitivity vs premature ovarian failure (but could still be POF), and thinks my Dr may decide to try microflare protocol next. It is really depressing to do a cycle and not even have a shot at retrieving/transferring anything. I am at a whole new level of sadness this week.

[gemasita]

Ok, so the doctor called me. He said my cyst is the size of a lemon. He said that he's a little worried that if they try to aspirate it, it might not stim well. He said he has seen that from time to time. And since I only have one ovary, we can't afford that one to not do well. He also said that would be costly to go in and have it aspirated. So they are going to have me go back on BCPs and continue the Lupron until Wed and they will see if the cyst has gotten significantely smaller. If not, we may have to cancel and restart later (I guess in a month? Not sure.) We'll just have to see what happens on Wednesday.

[Seedlings]

5terre ~ So sorry to hear about your cycle. It just stinks to not know, was it the Lupron or pof, Man that is a lot to bear. FUDGE . I know your hurting and grieving this and the pain has got to be bad. You have experienced a loss and it is ok to feel like crap, stay in pj's and cry. I am sorry you have to go thru this though. Get some rest and do something good for yourself. Please when your ready get copies of cycle labs, notes and tests. Review them and meet with your re to discuss a plan of action.

[DaisyMae08]

gemasita, I'm so sorry about the cyst and the delay. How frustrating! I'm glad to hear that your doctor is being careful though. You certainly don't want anything happening to that ovary as much as it stinks that you may have to wait another month.

[Seedlings]

gemasita ~ Totally bummed to hear about the cyst. It sounds bad, just by being the size of a lemon ugh. I am courious did they check your e2 level? Is it really high from the cyst? You can chill here with me in bcp land. I have about 3 more weeks of them. Praying we don't see any cysts for both of us.

Daisymae ~ How are you doing in the 2ww?

ktcl ~ How did everything go with the injections class? How are you feeling? We are here if you have any questions or just want to talk

[gemasita]

They checked my e2 levels but I didn't hear what they were. I'll try to find out. Well, I'll just join you back in BCP land! Who knows, I could end up doing them for another 3 weeks too!

[ktcl]

Hey Seedlings-- thanks for checking in. I have to say, I only read the thread every few days, and it's all so new to me, I almost feel like I'm reading another language. So apologies for not chiming in more.

I had the injection "class" which was really 5 minutes with the nurse. I start the injections (gonal f-- 225, I think) on Monday. I guess I'm ready for it.

I've been thinking about who can be "my person" if I have to do the ER on the friend's wedding day. Thanks for the advise on that.

gemasita-- I don't reallly understand about the cyst. Is it normal to develop cysts during an IVF cycle? And they can sometimes still do the whole cycle anyway? It sounds like a major bummer!

5terre-- I am so bummed for you about your cycle being cancelled! (is your signature connected to the Cinque Terre in italy?)

[5terre]

Gema Hope the cyst goes away quickly for you, it's bad enough having to go through this, nevermind prolonging it.

Seedlings I really can't imagine it was the Lupron, I was barely on it (got AF after about a week, then started stimming on CD2). I'm a wreck, didn't expect POF at all, my FSH was only 5. I haven't had an antral follicle count, though, but on CD2 of this IVF cycle I only had I think 4 or 5 follicles, does that not count as AFC since I was on Lupron?

ktcl Yes! Love Cinque Terre. Good luck with your injections tomorrow.

Lots of tears the past few days. Today or tomorrow would have been the ER. The RE that canceled my cycle said I should ovulate by today or tomorrow, that just seems so weird, I guess my own hormones are supposed to turn on and finish this thing? Meeting with the RE on Thursday to see what he's thinking for the next step. I am so scared that it's POF and we're at the end of the road before we even had a chance to begin.