DP and I need Massachusetts Marriage info

[chfriend]

DP will be 8 months pregnant in mid-May and we want to travel to Massachusetts to get married so I can be listed on the birth certificate and avoid a 2d parent adoption (which my state doesn't have yet anyway).

Things I want info on from you knowledgeable folks:

1) We live around a 2 day drive (counting the 3 year old) from Boston. If we attempt this should we fly, drive or take the train? If flying Springfield and points near there become accessible.

2) What do we need to do to get a marriage license when they become available. Do we need to stay in the state of any specific period of time? Who issues them?

3) How do we find someone to officiate at the wedding? (Secular would be fine since we're mostly trying to provide legal protections for baby #2.)

Any info you can provide will be so welcome!

Thanks!

[AdinaL]

I don't know any of those answers...but I wanted to say congrats and how wonderful!

If I find anything I will post it.

[karuna]

info link

You should find many of the answers to your questions here: http://www.state.ma.us/sec/cis/cismrg/mrgidx.htm

(I hope the link works, just paste it if not.)
If your options are flying into Springfield or driving 2 days with a 3 year old and a 8-month pregnant partner, I would definitely recommend flying into Springfield. From there, you would be pretty close (an hour or so?) from the Northampton/Amherst area. You probably know Northampton is chock full of queer couples, mostly women, and I am sure the town/city halls in that area will be much more ready for, and supportive of, all the folks coming in for marriage licenses in May! (If you fly into Boston, you should also have no trouble in the Boston/Cambridge area.)

In terms of someone to officiate, I'm not sure, but aren't there justices of the peace at town and city halls? If you wanted someone with some sort of ordination to officiate, you'll probably have to find someone by calling around (there's lots of Unitarian/Universalist ministers around, but they might have a big waiting list, I don't know!)

Also, I know that other states have to acknowledge marriages from Mass., but are you sure that means that you can be on the birth certificate in your state? Sometimes, the birth certificate forms ask only for "father" and not spouse, or "other parent", which is of course ridiculous! (Although in MAine, where my baby was born, even though my partner is her bio-dad, he had to fill out this paperwork providing "voluntary acknowledgement of paternity," just because we are NOT legally married.) So, it might work for you, but make sure what the system in is your state! All this red tape just to have a family with rights is absurd, huh?

Anyway, congratulations on baby #2 and best wishes for your wedding/marriage!!!

[Nicke]

I just wanted to add that at 8 months, airlines won't let you fly. It's not so safe for the mommy as I understand it.

[Nicke]

Ooops! I forgot to add:

Congratulations!!
on both the baby and the marriage!

[chfriend]

Wow! Thanks!

That's lots of great information. That link is just exactly what I needed. I think I'll call the town clerks in a couple of place to find out about justices of the peace. (Amazingly, I've never personally known of a wedding outside of religious settings.)

Nicke, I'm concerned as well about the flying, but I'm not sure what the medical concerns are. I think the worry is that you'll go into labor in the air. Seems like driving/train is a risk too. I know there was a thread about this somewhere....I'll have to go searching.

I wonder if anyone has any experience with travel this late in a pregnancy.

I know of someone who was married in Canada who was not hassled with putting the partner/spouse on the birth certificate. So it should work (even with our state Defense of Marriage act).

Thank you so much for the congrats. We are excited about the new peanut....and of course wonder how in the world we're going to manage two! (But I understand after the first few weeks it'll even out!)

If anyone else has wisdom to share, please do!

Thanks!

[Trishy]

I don't have anything great to add but I did want to say that I once travelled by train and I found it very pleasant. Your dp would be able to walk around as needed as would your 3 year old. There are no train routes anywhere close to where I live or I would pick a train over flying anytime. It may take longer but I find it so much more pleasant and fun. And if you are going to get married it should be a fun trip right?

Good luck and Congrats!

[Arduinna]

No info to share, other than the Feb issue of Curve is dedicated to marriage!!

Congratulations!!!

[max_4477]

...

[chfriend]

Thank you all so much!

Arduinna I will definitely check out that new issue. (My coop sells the magazine.) Max__etc. thanks for the encouragement on flying. We took the train halfway to Boston last year, then flew the rest of the way. (Dc is into trains...actually all forms of public transport!)

I'll post the info I track down as I get it.

Y'all are a font of information!

[Nicole77]

It is my distinct displeasure to have to say this since I wholeheartedly suppport equal marriage rights for all (OT: I think it is SUCH a violation of our Constitutional and civil rights that marriage is still available to only some of our population...kind of smacks of the old days when a white and a black person couldn't marry.) My understanding of the situation is this:

Marriages granted in Massachusetts will almost certainly not be recognized in other states (I don't know what state you are in so I can't say for sure). The 1996 federal Defense of Marriage Act (talk about a stupid name ) signed by Clinton says that states, while being required to recognize heterosexual unions from other states, will not be required to provide the same consideration for gays. Basically this means that your state would also have to allow gay marriage (dislike that term...it implies that gay people are requesting some special privilege, not the same equal rights as everyone else...switching to EM...equal marriage) in order for them to recognize your Massachusetts marriage. But hey you could always move here! Most of us Massachusetts people are pretty cool!

Unfortunately this means that it may not make much sense to subject yourself to the ardous trip before the baby is born because you will probably still not be allowed to be on the birth certificate (I too am fairly certain that they don't let you fly at 8 months...although how could they really know?). But you could always make the trip after the baby is here so that you could get married. I hope this information helps...as unwelcome as I am sure it is. I personally can't think of anything that is destroying out country's family values or marital sanctity more than the meanspirited, bigoted exclusion of an entire group of citizens from such a basic human right. Good luck to you and your family whatever decision you make.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world: indeed it is the only thing that ever has." ~Margaret Meade

[mplsmom]

Congrats and good luck!!Be sure to check with your insurance before you go. Your DP could go into labor, and your insurance might not cover it if you are far from home. Good luck!!

[chfriend]

Thanks and more thanks

Nicole77. Yes indeed my state is one of the 22 with mini-defense of marriage acts. However, so far nobody has challlenged it with the birth certificates. (Canadian marriages) Maybe with all the hoopla about the Mass marriages (sorry I love writing it that way) there'll be more notice of it....hard to say.

My insurance (dp and dc are on my insurance) is ridiculously good, so I don't think we'll run into trouble there. The hb midwife and the nurse who is coordinating with our "backup" care are going to work together to make sure we have records to travel with in case we end up laboring there.

Hey, in which case, if you were going to suddenly go into labor in Massachusetts where would you want to be?


OT: Did any of you catch the mayor of SF marrying those couples today?

[Arduinna]

Did not see the SF marriages today, but can just go OT and say I think the mayors wife is hot. *don't like her new hairdo that much though*

ok sorry for the hijack

[chfriend]

:

Continuing OT:

Here's the link to the yahoo news report. Sorry, Arduinna, no pic of the mayor's wife.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/fc?cid=3...s_and_Lesbians



Even more OT: Arduinna, I laughed every time I saw your "commie, pinko, queer" sig line. Ahhh, but that may date me....

[Arduinna]

Thanks for the link no biggie about there being no photo of Kimberly Newsome, I get my eye candy by watching her when she guests on Larry King. She used to be a SF prosecutor ya know

I loved this quote "We're not going to the back of the bus. We're not getting on the bus, we're not sitting at the lunch counter, we're just not taking civil union, domestic partnership, we're just not taking it anymore,"

I think that might by my next sig line!

[mamacate]

Come to Noho! Our mayor is openly lesbian and you can take amtrak all the way to springfield, then a bus or cab to noho, or you can rent a car (I'd recommend that)-public transportation isn't great here).

Here is the Northampton Area Lesbian & Gay Business Guild listing for accomodations: http://www.theguild.bz/new.html#Accommodations

Hampshire OB/GYN 413-584-2303 is a good practice, delivers at a good hospital with a relatively low-intervention approach (of course it varies among docs, but we're pretty crunchy around here), and has CNMs who do deliveries. There's a GREAT CNM at Holyoke Midwifery Care Associates named Ginny Miller. Well, at least I *thought* she was there--googling is getting me nowhere. The # is 413-535-4700 and they seem to be the least medical of the local CNMs, even if Ginny isn't there. I had a high-risk twin pregnancy so can't vouch for any of these options (I will tell you avoid certain perinatologists at the big hospital in Spfld, but I'm sure you'll be lucky enough to never have to think about that!), but that's what I know from many friends.

Anyway, good luck. We'll probably make it official for the same reason if we decide to try for #3.

(((HUGS))),

Cate

[chfriend]

oh, mamacate, that's soooo helpful. I will follow up on your suggestions.

[emmalala]

You should keep an eye on how the situation develops - this caught my eye today...

http://www.capecodonline.com/cctimes/outx13.htm