Hope I don't have to make the decision . . .

[peachsara]

When my son was born, I knew nothing of the argument against circumcision. I didn't know alot of things yet but that is another post.

I left the decision up to my DH and he had strong feelings about DS being circumcised, so we did.

Fast forward 3.5 years, we are ttc and I've done alot of reading about circumcision. Personally, I don't believe that circumcising any future children would be my best option. (obviously, I know that most of you feel that way as well)

But, anytime I bring up the subject with DH, he gets very, very angry. He says that I'm just determined to do things my way and that it doesn't matter what he wants, even though it would be his baby, too. We can't even start a conversation about it without him being mad.

I know that I won't be able to sway him. He is digging in his heels and refusing to hear anything contrary to his beliefs. But, I'm not willing to give in just for the sake of "letting him win".

So . . . I really hope that, if we are blessed with another baby, it ends up being a girl.

[Crunchy Frog]

Tell him that he got to make the decision with the last baby, and you get to make it with this one.

Remember that in the hospital it's you who has to sign the consent form. If you refuse to sign it, they won't do it.

Anyway, I hope that whatever it is, it's allowed to keep all the parts it was born with.

[mama24-7]

maybe this will provide some insight...

The vulnerability of men

sus

[Mrsboyko]

We communicated via e-mail only on this topic. It kept family/ daily life happy, but still allowed us to work it out. i basically left it up to him ti prove his side as he was the one that wanted to go away from the natural default (intact).

[Greg B]

It is not his toy to do with as he pleases. It is your and his child. You both must make the decision in the best interests of the child. The default is to leave him intact.

If your husband wants to make an argument for RIC, it is his responsibility to give you a rational argument that weighs the pros and cons. Not just a single possible benefit, but why the benefits of RIC outweigh the negatives. Not emotional arguments about not getting his way.

He is arguing for doing something other than the safe, cautious, risk averse stance. He is the one advocating for taking away future options for your child. He must be the one to make the effort to explain why that is the best option. Here is something you could share, that may help get him started thinking about how to weigh the pros and cons:

http://icgi.org/Downloads/FD2.pdf

Regards,

[eepster]

Your DH is absolutely right that you shouldn't get to make this decision, but it's not his to make either.

Let the baby decide, when he's old enough to sign the informed consent paper himself 19 years from now.

[ramlita]

mama 24-7, good stuff!

Such an emotional reaction means he is hurting.
He has his own healing to do before he can move forward.

Naturally, if you consider yourself normal, and never got a chance to know what you're missing, you're simply going to wonder what the big deal is.
http://www.circumcision.org/satisfied.htm

And yeah, the bottom line is His Body, His Choice

[ramlita]

From The Vulnerability of Men:

"So, the problem is: how do we save our son’s genitals without psychologically emasculating their fathers?"

Questioning circumcision feels like an insult to an altered man's privates AND the love and judgment of his parents.
That's a darn tough pill to swallow.
Coat it with plenty of honey

[MommaKitten21]

"So, the problem is: how do we save our son’s genitals without psychologically emasculating their fathers?"


This quote really hit me. While it was not hard for me to get my loving fiance on board about leaving our son intact, I sometimes feel that when we talk about having him intact (he's over a year old now) that he feels a little sad inside. Of course he's never said it, but I swear I can sense that from him. I think I need to make sure he knows that while no son of ours will be circ'd ... that I love him (and his penis!) just the way it is!!

[ramlita]

:

[Fyrestorm]

Neither you nor your DH have to make any decision at all.

Let your future son decide.

[glongley]

[QUOTE=MommaKitten21;14358533... I sometimes feel that when we talk about having him intact (he's over a year old now) that he feels a little sad inside. Of course he's never said it, but I swear I can sense that from him. I think I need to make sure he knows that while no son of ours will be circ'd ... that I love him (and his penis!) just the way it is!![/QUOTE]

Well, that's the thing. No one had the right to take away your fiance's foreskin, and it's completely appropriate for him to feel sad/ angry/ whatever. I would too, if I woke up one day and found out that someone had cut off a really important part of my genitals without my permission when I was a baby!

Yes, we need to affirm that we love our circumcised partners just the way they are, but we need to give them permission and support for consciously feeling whatever they are feeling. As opposed to circumcised men who don't ever allow themselves to get near a feeling of being sad/ angry, but insist that they are so OK with being circumcised that their son has to be too - and never get to a place where they can consider that their son might one day have sad/ angry feelings about being circumcised, later in life.

Yes, its tragic that men have to feel this way, but its good when they do, because then they get that they should give their son the chance they never had - to grow up with intact genitals - and not ever have to feel sad/ angry about something that can't be undone.

Gillian