daycare kids showing up w/ processed food. wwyd? - Page 3

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

She was feeling guilty about what she was giving her kid.

Maybe she felt attacked?

You really need to set a policy down on food. I see in your last post you have some good ideas of how to handle it. But it needs to be concrete. Either you supply the food or she does and that's how it is.

It is hard enough to be a working mom, with a picky kid, leaving your child in care of someone else, without having them constantly judging every choice you make. Sometimes, it's easier to feed your kid mac and cheese when someone else has to make it and get them to eat. Honestly, I'd love if I could feed my kids something so simple, but because of food allergies, I can't. This whole thread is full of judgment when none of us knows why the mother sends food like that. Maybe she's just trying to make life easier on the op. Maybe she has extremely picky kids with issues we have no idea of.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by Liquesce

All this really tells me is that you have never experienced a genuinely picky eater.

There needs to be a very wide variety of healthy food available but for example, I lived with my in-laws in a very poor country and one of them was very picky to the point that I would have said she must have some issues. She was eleven and ate only broth and yoghurt mixed with honey. Those two foods were both home-made. They could not afford processed foods.

I appreciate that there are some children that will only eat one or two foods of hundreds or even thousands made available, and that these foods are not, say, "superfoods". They will probably be the blandest ones.

But I'm sorry, to insist that your child needs to have his or her food processed in a factory is simply disingenuous. There are plenty of healthy, whole food options for extremely sensitive children, of which a child need eat only one to get like ten times the nutritional benefit available in regular packaged foods (vitamin supplement foods notwithstanding, but that's not what the OP is about).

[Kinguk]

I have a huge issue about feeding children junk food. As a result, I've decided that I provide ALL food and then I never have to deal with these issues! I tell the parents from the start that I provide all meals, give them examples of what I serve and that they are welcome to bring food, but anything processed, or low in nutritional value will be sent back home. My last family absolutely LOVED this...however, another family had an issue with this as they didn't believe their daughter would eat healthy food... They found a different home daycare -- which is fine. I find that every parent's idea of "healthy" food is different. If you have a contract between you and the parents then you can write this in as part of your health/nutrition policy.

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by Yulia_R

I don't think ANY child will go hungry with food around. One-two times, maybe, but definitely not every day. Eventually they WILL eat when hungry and it would be SO good for them to change such unhealthy eating habits.

This is SO ignorant!!!

I've got a child that absolutely would not eat ANY food at all - and PediaSure (yep, pretty much processed formula!) is what helped him survive and thrive. No, he would not stick a bite of ANYTHING in that mouth of his, even if he was dying of hunger.

We worked hard and long and got him eating - it took years. YEARS. He's going on 7 now and he eats a pretty good diet of healthy, unprocessed foods.

But you know what? There was a time a few years ago where I would have cried tears of pure joy to see him eat ANYTHING - processed junk included.

I'm far from alone - come over to the special needs forum and repeat what I quoted here. Not all children WILL eat when hungry enough and to suggest otherwise shows just how little you know about sensory issues and truely picky eaters.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

There needs to be a very wide variety of healthy food available but for example, I lived with my in-laws in a very poor country and one of them was very picky to the point that I would have said she must have some issues. She was eleven and ate only broth and yoghurt mixed with honey. Those two foods were both home-made. They could not afford processed foods.

I appreciate that there are some children that will only eat one or two foods of hundreds or even thousands made available, and that these foods are not, say, "superfoods". They will probably be the blandest ones.

But I'm sorry, to insist that your child needs to have his or her food processed in a factory is simply disingenuous. There are plenty of healthy, whole food options for extremely sensitive children, of which a child need eat only one to get like ten times the nutritional benefit available in regular packaged foods (vitamin supplement foods notwithstanding, but that's not what the OP is about).

Ignorance is bliss.

[Aeress]

I've had parents tell me, he/she only eats blah and then once they are in a different environment where everyone was eating the same thing, sureenough they would at least try it. in 5 yrs of doing care giving, most kids didat least try it. I had a few kids with major food aversions, sensitivities and sensory disorders who did not eat (almost all or a lot of what was served).

I know I'm not ignorant, this is from yrs of experience.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by Aeress

I know I'm not ignorant, this is from yrs of experience.

It's from years of experience with CERTAIN KIDS. Just because you've been in childcare for 5 years does NOT mean you've seen or know everything about children. I've been in childcare for 7 years. I have yet to see another child with food issues like my ds (in real life, I know some online). My ds has been in feeding therapy for years. If it were truly an issue of "put him in a different environment and he'll try it", don't you think we would simply do that instead of spending hundreds of dollars every week on therapy? Because, ya know, I'm pretty sure when we put him in daycare (I was working at the same daycare, different room) he starved himself the entire day, every day, until I started bringing in "his" foods for him to eat. Now that he's in Kindergarten he still refuses to eat what the other children have. His teacher has requested I bring in a stock of his snacks because he's not eating what the other kids are and she doesn't want him to go hungry. I also have to make his lunch everyday because he refuses to even look at the school food.

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by Aeress

I've had parents tell me, he/she only eats blah and then once they are in a different environment where everyone was eating the same thing, sureenough they would at least try it. in 5 yrs of doing care giving, most kids didat least try it. I had a few kids with major food aversions, sensitivities and sensory disorders who did not eat (almost all or a lot of what was served).

I know I'm not ignorant, this is from yrs of experience.

Well oh my - guess we wasted all that money on feeding therapy then!

I wonder why my child still wouldn't eat when in different environments - Waldorf nursery, traditional preschool - all with kids eating around him and even in Waldorf helping in preparing the food!

Geeze, wish I could have just sent him to your daycare!

Your ignorance and reluctance to even consider that you may not know what you are talking about is really outstanding.

[leaveit2beeker]

If the situation were reversed and you were sending your child to daycare with sprouted bread and chickpeas, would you be upset the caregiver wasn't feeding your child what was sent? (For most everyone I know, these food items are pretty foreign...) I think you should keep in mind how you would react before you approach the other parent.

Also, where is the line that you would consider 'healthy' foods? What if they sent a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Would you say something if it were on white bread? Is it still junk food if it's not whole grain bread, natural nut butter, and all fruit preserves? I'm just trying to play devil's advocate, to give you perspective before you possibly ruin a business and personal relationship.

I can honestly say I would be pretty disgusted if another child I was responsible for was eating these kinds of food every day. I mean, I would be responsible for their acute and immediate safety, right? Why wouldn't I be watching out for their long term health and safety? But I would approach it from the standpoint of convenience; that it's really no trouble to make a third and fourth serving of xyz, and have something they WILL eat as a backup plan. If you try to come to the other parent from the angle that you don't agree with what she's feeding them, then you might find yourself without that little extra income.

[YummyYarnAddict]

Originally Posted by Enudely

thanks for the responses, everyone. Reading my op, I can see why I sounded a little snobby, however, I just had that tone because I figured everyone on this board would see where I was coming from. In truth, I respect the mom a lot for many reasons. Also, I will be the first to admit, I am a bit of a snob about food. My dd, however does get what I consider "junk" food every once in a while. Every weekday is not o.k w/ me though.
To answer some questions:
-I'm not actually a daycare, more like a nanny, the twins are my only charges besides my two kids.
-Originally, I offered to make lunches (because I thought this might happen), and told her, "maybe we can have a conversation about what they eat and you can help me stock up every once in a while".
-When she gave it to me, she said "feel free to share with your dd", and I'm not really keen on the idea of making separate lunches for everyone, especially when I have to feed myself and the baby (soon enough!) too. Plus, my dd will want to try what they have.
-Yes, they are living on a budget (which is why I'm giving them such a deal on care). He works at Macy's, she is a part time special ed teacher.
-The twins so far have devoured the annies rabbit crackers, fresh fruit, veggie sticks, peanut butter on whole grain bread, and fresh lentil soup I have offered them.
-Here's what I have decided to do: -mostly just feed them my own stuff, with a few of their things thrown in perhaps. When the mom asks how my stock of food is, tell her "you know, the dry stuff is really easy for me to stock up on, since I shop at Costco, but what would be really helpful is if you could show up with some fresh fruit or chopped veggies (I would offer to chop as well) every once in a while. " What do you think?

thanks again for responses and please don't flame, I'm not looking down my nose at her, I just don't want junk food to prevail in my house.

That sounds like a great solution! I remember from packing my dd's lunch for the sitter that it was a challenge to try to pack everything, every day and always making it "just so" to make sure she had balanced snacks and meals, so having it where you provide the dry stuff and the children's mom provides the fruit and veggies so that you have a happy medium seems like a workable situation for both of you.

[moondiapers]

I've only had one kid in my daycare that truly wouldn't eat what I put in front of him.... BUT he would eat anything that was white. So I started making plates of white food for him...peeled apples, pasta with butter and parmesan, even peeled yellow squash seemed to be white enough for him. Scrambled egg whites were a hit, white cheddar cheese etc. I switched my bread flour from red whole wheat to white whole wheat.... I got him to eat so many things just by being creative. His mom was so greatful. I wasn't even making him separate meals....the other kids got mostly the same food, I just didn't peel their's or make their's appear white for them. We later learned that he has Asperger's.

However, children with true food aversions aren't something you see everyday in a home daycare situatio. The number of children we deal with compared to a center is a pretty small sampling of the population. Under normal circumstances most kids are just picky eaters....and will eventually choose to eat something from their plate when they get hungry enough. It's not fair to say that the providers above would starve these children. That's only likely to happen if the parents aren't communication with the provider that their child has a special need. We're trained by the food program and licensing that it's our job to put healthy food in front of the kids, and it's the child's job to decide wether or not he/she is going to eat it. We're supposed to act nonchallant about it and move on if it's not eaten.

Out of the many picky eaters I've had in care in the past 10 years, only one has truly had an issue that needed to be addressed. The rest just prefered junk, and weren't gong to get it at my house. I go out of my way to make healthy foods toddler friendly too. I make homemade baked chicken nuggets, baked fries (sweet potato fries are a current hit at my house) and I even occasionally make things shaped in silly ways to get a giggle out of the kids and make them want to eat the food. The kids wouldn't touch salmon patties until I renamed them "krabby patties" and put them on a bun. Now they beg for them. They also love hotdogs (uncured ofcourse) cut like octopi and boiled with pasta shells, served in tomato soup (octopus in the red sea soup). Getting creative can be fun and healthy.

[mistymama]

Heather, that's so funny. My ds is Aspergers and when he finally started chewing food - lived off things that were colorless/white. So yeah, lots of peeled apples, cucumbers, etc.

He now eats all kinds of foods and actually wont eat bread that's not whole wheat. But it's been a long road with lots of therapy - and lots of very creative cooking, etc to get him to actually try things and chew them.

My point with the OP is not that her daycare kids are this way - simply that's it's insulting to those of us with SN kids to say kids will eat if hungry enough. That's simply NOT true, and is offensive.

I understand just wanting my kid to take a bite of ANYTHING - even a McDonalds nugget if he would just TRY IT. The OP just comes off as ignorant, judgemental and offensive.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by moondiapers

Out of the many picky eaters I've had in care in the past 10 years, only one has truly had an issue that needed to be addressed. The rest just prefered junk, and weren't gong to get it at my house. I go out of my way to make healthy foods toddler friendly too. I make homemade baked chicken nuggets, baked fries (sweet potato fries are a current hit at my house) and I even occasionally make things shaped in silly ways to get a giggle out of the kids and make them want to eat the food. The kids wouldn't touch salmon patties until I renamed them "krabby patties" and put them on a bun. Now they beg for them. They also love hotdogs (uncured ofcourse) cut like octopi and boiled with pasta shells, served in tomato soup (octopus in the red sea soup). Getting creative can be fun and healthy.

It sounds like a fun place to be come lunchtime And I agree with you- a lot of the time all it takes is a little creativity and no pressure to get a child to try new foods. But there are times where that just doesn't work. Out of all the foods listed in the above paragraph, my son would eat the baked fries. Maybe. If they were made just right and looked the right way. Sweet potato fries wouldn't get touched. Chicken nuggets, salmon, and hot dogs wouldn't even get touched as he doesn't eat any meat (his choice), though he is offered meat every day. He doesn't eat pasta or soup. Even if he did eat hot dogs, pasta and tomato soup separately- you would have a HUGE meltdown on your hands if you dared mix them together to create a cute meal. Nothing can be touching. Nothing can be mixed. Things have to be cut/prepared a certain way. Trying different shapes can set off a meltdown because things aren't the way he expects them (though this is getting better and I can cut his peanut butter sandwich into different shapes now and he'll usually eat it, but not other foods). I have quite a few cute, kid friendly cookbooks... all of them sit gathering dust.

And yes, he has autism.

I'm not saying it's impossible to get a child to eat healthier foods. But in some cases it is darn near it. Some children only need to be exposed a couple times before they start eating a new food. Some kids can be exposed to that food every day for a year and still not even "snake test" it.

[Enudely]

whoa whoa whoa everyone!!!

I'm sort of feeling like my op got blown waaay out of proportion, and people are putting words in my mouth. First off, these kids do not have special needs. They so far have eaten lots of whatever I have offered, they are fine eaters. Second off, the mom is totally open to me feeding them, she just brought the food as a back up, because I told her I might want her to help me stock up.

I happen to have a cousin with a special needs kid who literally won't eat and lives off pedia sure. So I understand that some kids won't eat. These kids do eat, they do not have special needs.
I'm just asking people to read my solution above and tell me what they think. This is turning into a raging thread about special needs kids and how they eat, I was just asking for advice about these two particular kids.....

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

Ignorance is bliss.

It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.

[Yulia_R]

StephandOwen, you mentioned peanut butter. I thought I'd just mention that peanut butter is not recommended for autistic kids. If I remember correctly, it's because it can have mold (if you google it, I'm sure you will find more info). I personally don't know about it, but I do know a couple of mamas with autistic kids who are strictly peanut butter free.

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.

Her son, like my son, have autism. (And I happen to know her son personally since it is my nephew. And I'm way happy that he ate the home fries I made him, and licked the homemade coconut milk ice cream. Makes me feel special. : ).

I do agree that what's not given is not an option. However, my son *has* ended up in the hospital for 4 days because he DID try to starve himself. He even refused junk food. He refused all foods and waters. After he was discharged, he had 6 months of feeding therapy. At 2 months from 6 years old, he's 38 lbs, very thin, and still doesn't eat enough. So yes, some kids will starve themselves...at the time my son was admitted, he was listless, unresponsive, and dehydrated. He had lost 6 lbs (which was almost a sixth of his body weight) in a week. He was.not.going.to.eat.

I do agree that if it's not available, it isn't an option though...we don't do a lot of the processed foods--he has no idea what a pizza roll is, that chicken nuggets and french fries are actually fried foods in many houses, and that donuts aren't really baked. He doesn't know whether he likes multicolored goldfish crackers or soda because he's never had them. I won't give them to him. But, that doesn't mean he'll eat the other stuff...except some baked breaded cod that he called a "giant fish stick"...apparently that's ok because it's a "stick" (he will eat things in stick form but won't eat the same stuff in non-stick form...go figure). : I subscribe to the notion that for feeding aversion children, it's important to make every calorie count...whatever you can get in them has to pack as many nutrients as possible because that might be ALL they eat that week. We also eat gluten/dairy/egg (except for him...he gets hardboiled eggs a couple times a week)/nut/transfat/hfcs free. So, he doesn't really have an option for most of the junk food.

About evolutionary traits...you're right--many children with severe food aversions likely wouldn't have survived 100 years ago. Thank goodness today there are ways to keep them alive even if they don't want to eat organic/vegan/whole foods/whatever. We actually had a hard time with feeding therapy because she kept trying to feed him yogurts with HFCS, puddings, fried foods, etc. We finally had to tell her that he won't be getting that stuff at home, so please try to help him eat the foods he WILL be offered. But had he continued his starvation diet, I don't care if it was a 20 gallon drum of McDonalds french fries...I would have given it to him over the other option (nearly dying of starvation and requiring days of IV therapy. Or the other option--the "force feeding" program at our children's hospital where they admit the kids, stick them on IVs, make the parents leave, and literally force the food in the child's mouth with them in restraints so they can't fight back. And I am not fricken joking on that one--THAT was the other therapy option we had for kids with "severe behavior-based food refusal" like my kid had. I'd let him drink a gallon of cooking oil before I let them do that to my kid.)

Food aversions are hard. It's a daily struggle for us. We have a child who "fails" every well child checkup because he shows signs of malnourishment and anemia. Neither the OT, feeding therapist, or psychologist can make him eat. All we can do is offer him healthy stuff and hope he eats it... :sigh:

Anyhow... OP...I don't see anything wrong with asking parents to bring in fresh fruits & veggies. Maybe offer to take the kids on a field trip to a you-pick farm (invite the parents too if you'd like) and have them pick their own fruits & veggies...my own son even gets excited to eat things he picked himself.

Yulia...whoa, that's crazy! I didn't know that! My son has autism plus mold & peanut allergies...that all makes sense now!

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by mistymama

Heather, that's so funny. My ds is Aspergers and when he finally started chewing food - lived off things that were colorless/white. So yeah, lots of peeled apples, cucumbers, etc.

He now eats all kinds of foods and actually wont eat bread that's not whole wheat. But it's been a long road with lots of therapy - and lots of very creative cooking, etc to get him to actually try things and chew them.

My point with the OP is not that her daycare kids are this way - simply that's it's insulting to those of us with SN kids to say kids will eat if hungry enough. That's simply NOT true, and is offensive.

I understand just wanting my kid to take a bite of ANYTHING - even a McDonalds nugget if he would just TRY IT. The OP just comes off as ignorant, judgemental and offensive.

But it's unfair to all children to suggest that we frame the debate around 1 - 5% of the population.

It's also unfair to suggest that the only people who can make creamy white foods are factories.

My child goes days eating only soft dairy. As I mentioned, I knew a child in a poor country who at ELEVEN ate only soft stirred yoghurt and broth.

But it was homemade, there was no saccharine, and no MSG, you know?

I just don't see how it's insulting to suggest that with most kids, they will eat when they're hungry, and with the remaining, it is possible to make them relatively nutritious foods that they can eat, even if that's yoghurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

It's going to take a lot to convince me that if it were not for [insert processed food preferred by your child here] that your child would have died of starvation.

I don't care if you tried one thousand different foods mixed one thousand different ways- if saltines are not an option, then they aren't an option.

I'm not saying you could get your child to eat ANYTHING. I'm saying, the evolutionary trait that causes a child to eat NOTHING but food made in a factory must be relatively recently evolved and therefore, extremely rare.

First I never said my child ONLY eats processed foods. It is PART of what he eats. When your child is not getting enough calories, fats, vitamins, etc on a DAILY BASIS (I'm not just talking about having a bad day and not eating much, I'm talking about day after day after day for years)- you get to the point where you will feed that child ANYTHING to get an extra couple calories in them. One of my ds's favorite foods (and has been since he was 1) is Cheez-it crackers. Are there healthier versions available? You bet. Have we tried them? Yup. Has he eaten them? Not a chance. But if you look past the "trash" part of them you would see that they have 150 calories, 3g protein, 2% vit A, 4% calcium and 6% iron per serving. Is it the BEST way to get that nutrition? H*ll no! But does it get him *some* calories, vit A, calcium and iron? Yup. The fruit/nutrigrain bars mentioned previously in the thread is another food he will sometimes eat. It has HFCS and that sucks. It's not the most nutritious food around. But it has 130 calories, 2g protein, 15% vit A, 20% calcium, 10% iron and numerous other nutrients in it. Again, it's not the BEST way to get that nutrition, but if it's either that or let him starve while staring at a plate of food he won't eat....

H*ll, even M&M's have calories, protein, calcium and iron in them.

Originally Posted by Yulia_R

StephandOwen, you mentioned peanut butter. I thought I'd just mention that peanut butter is not recommended for autistic kids. If I remember correctly, it's because it can have mold (if you google it, I'm sure you will find more info). I personally don't know about it, but I do know a couple of mamas with autistic kids who are strictly peanut butter free.

Wow, I didn't know that. Will have to go looking into it now. Unfortunately, peanut butter is pretty much the main source of protein for him so I can't cut it out. He doesn't eat any meat or beans or anything like that.

Originally Posted by AllyRae

About evolutionary traits...you're right--many children with severe food aversions likely wouldn't have survived 100 years ago. Thank goodness today there are ways to keep them alive even if they don't want to eat organic/vegan/whole foods/whatever.

Many years ago we also locked them up and forgot about them, calling them "crazy". Thank G*d we've learned to be a little bit more tolerant. Or, at least, some of us have.

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

I just don't see how it's insulting to suggest that with most kids, they will eat when they're hungry, and with the remaining, it is possible to make them relatively nutritious foods that they can eat, even if that's yoghurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil.

I would pay to have you come to my house and cook what you think my son should be eating AND get him to eat it. If you can accomplish that feat I would give you anything and everything I own. Actually, just get him to eat "yogurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil". You don't seem to get that IT IS NOT THAT EASY! If it were, do you really think he'd be in feeding therapy? He will eat 1 yogurt. 1 brand, 1 flavor. And, unfortunately, it is one with HFCS in it. Do I wish he would try other (non HFCS) yogurts? You bet. Have I tried to get him to? More than you can imagine. But yogurt with HFCS in it is better than no yogurt at all.

Until you've had to sit in a doctors office (more than once I might add) with your child being told he's in danger of DYING because he's not eating enough and having to make the agonizing decision on whether to have a feeding tube inserted- please do not try to dumb it down into a "if you take the junk away and only offer healthy foods he'll eat". You have no idea.

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

But it's unfair to all children to suggest that we frame the debate around 1 - 5% of the population.

It's also unfair to suggest that the only people who can make creamy white foods are factories.

My child goes days eating only soft dairy. As I mentioned, I knew a child in a poor country who at ELEVEN ate only soft stirred yoghurt and broth.

But it was homemade, there was no saccharine, and no MSG, you know?

I just don't see how it's insulting to suggest that with most kids, they will eat when they're hungry, and with the remaining, it is possible to make them relatively nutritious foods that they can eat, even if that's yoghurt spiked with flavored cod liver oil.

Where did you get that I said white creamy foods were only made in factories? Or that they had to be processed??