or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Parenting Multiples › Four...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Four... - Page 2

post #21 of 50
Hey claire, I recognize you from the IF forum. girl! I think many of us who go through ART have the same worries and concerns, I had a hard time doing my visualizing of the embies implanting because we always had 2 transfered but I worried so much about twins, but I didn't want any possible babies to feel "unwelcome" vibes from me, but I know all the risks, etc etc etc. I think you are completely justified and reasonable to be having all the worries you are having, but it is not your "fault" for wanting a baby so badly. Please take good care.

Also, you will get lots of support here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post14359207
post #22 of 50
you are certainly in for a rollercoaster ride mama.

i miscarried my fifth and was devastated. everyone queried my sanity that i was happy to have more children. i got told i couldn't cope with the four i had etc etc etc

and then two weeks later i conceived twins.
it's hard to have any multiples, but i see my twins as a sign from God that i CAN handle it : you can absolutely handle whatever happens with these babies. YOU CAN. and take the time to grieve the uncomplicated pregnancy, the home birth, the exclusive b'feeding experience (ok. other readers. before you jump. it's physiologically hard work getting a milk supply established for a first time mom who has preemies. go and research it before flaming this point and Claire, of course you can breastfeed, but four is different than one ) etc.....it will take you months to work through everything you have to consider, but just take one day at a time and let it flow over you.

this is a manifestation of abundance in your lives. honestly.
post #23 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by angie7 View Post


What you are feeling is normal, completely normal. You just found out, you are in shock and scared out of your mind (I can't imagine!) You can do this. .
Yup. I had all those feelings with just twins after ivf. It was all my fault because I was so selfish to want another child. You can do this since you really don't have an option do you? You'll be amazed at how strong you are.
post #24 of 50
I was feeling the same way upon learning that it was twins mama. You aren't alone in this. huge
post #25 of 50
Claire,

What a roller coaster. I remember the shock I felt when I first saw three babies on the ultrasound at my 11-week, check the twins are still twins appointment. And the phone conversation with my husband immediately following. I can only imagine that it is more intense finding another baby after seeing triplets.

Everything you are feeling is totally normal. Try to acknowledge what an unusual situation this is and let the feelings just be feelings. There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed by this - it is huge. There is no right way to handle this. There is just the way that works for you.

I second the recommendations to check out the APmultiples yahoo group and MOST (mothers of super twins). For me, it has been a mental lifesaver to know a few other families with triplets even if only virtually.

I have found that twin mommas can be an awesome form of support. They understand what makes multiples different than singletons and are less busy with life than those of us with higher order multiples. And, they tend to think that we are superwomen to deal with higher order multiples, so they are good for an ego boost on those days when life feels like hard work. If there is a twins club near you, talk to them about stuff that you need and good sources of help. They may know people with things to donate or time to volunteer.
post #26 of 50
I am just pg. with twins but do have two other young children so possibly can relate a little to what you might be feeling. I felt the same way when I found out I was having twins! I was on the fence about having a 3rd when I found out that I would be having a 3rd AND 4th. Like you, I never planned to have 4. My mental outlook now (around 19 weeks) is better. I think the pregnancy hormones definitely played a big role during the first trimester and into the second trimester. Now it seems like the cloud has been lifted somewhat. Hopefully this will be the same for you. I think it's normal to have a period of shock, sadness, resentment, etc. Of course you couldn't have predicted this would happen, and it is a huge shock. I think it will probably gradually lead to some acceptance. Before you know it, the pregnancy stage will be over, and things will eventually get easier. I second everyone's advice about seeking out support from people who have BTDT.
post #27 of 50
OMG, what a shock for you!

I am a mom of twins. I was single when I had them, so it was very surprising and shocking (and a whole huge range of emotions!) I met my husband when they were a few months old.

Also, I have a friend who did fertility in a desperate attempt to finally have a child and then ended up having quads -- as a single mom! She was on Oprah several years ago. Her website is www.bethsbabies.com -- although they're not really babies anymore! Perhaps you could contact her, she may have some words of wisdom.

I send you huge hugs.

I would NOT suggest joining a moms of multiples group unless you happen to live in a very AP-neighborhood. Otherwise you're just going to be hearing about how you have to ferberize, formula-feed, etc.
post #28 of 50
You are totally normal, sane and I understand the guilt. After finding out that our "surprise" pregnancy was twins, I got online and read about vanishing twin syndrome. And then for weeks I was alternating terrified that it would happen to me and HOPING it would happen. I was so scared and felt so guilty at wishing it wasn't happening.

You will get through it, whatever happens. Best wishes to you!
post #29 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoomaYula View Post

I would NOT suggest joining a moms of multiples group unless you happen to live in a very AP-neighborhood. Otherwise you're just going to be hearing about how you have to ferberize, formula-feed, etc.
DoomaYula has a good point. However, even if they are not AP-friendly in your area, they can still be a good source of cheap clothes and other resources, but you need to know what you want from them.
post #30 of 50
Hi. Just wanted to write and say that I felt similar when finding out about my twins. I still feel sometimes that I'm being punished because I always said, "I would never want twins." I can't imagine how much more you must feel with 4. It must seem overwhelming. I also have a 2 year old, so sometimes I feel like I have triplets, though I'm sure only moms of triplets would tell me what I'm going through it much easier. I guess my advice to you and to myself as well is that God will only give you as much as you can handle.

Sarah
post #31 of 50

Wish I could offer more, but that's all I've got.
post #32 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by hergrace View Post
DoomaYula has a good point. However, even if they are not AP-friendly in your area, they can still be a good source of cheap clothes and other resources, but you need to know what you want from them.
True - I know the group near me has a sale twice a year.
post #33 of 50
Wow! I can tell you we went through similar feelings of shock and anxiety when we found out about our twins.

Nothing but love for you from this mama... Take care of yourself.
post #34 of 50
much love and prayers for you ... keep us posted .....
post #35 of 50
You are not alone. I felt the same with when I conceived twins, both times, but mostly the first time. We too did IF treatments and we beat the odds with the first set of twins (miscarried). I could not believe that we would again beat all odds and conceive two. I agree with the poster who said take it one step at a time. Get thru today. There is nothing you can do now and it is still so early. It has helped me stay sane to just focus on what I need to do now. I will deal with what happens next month when I get there.
post #36 of 50
It will all work itself out. Just take it one day at a time...and when that is too much...take it minute by minute.
post #37 of 50
I felt EXACTLY the same way when I found out I was expecting triplets. I cried for two weeks and hated myself for being so sad and scared and overwhelmed when I finally had what I longed to have for so long...times three. You described it perfectly. I don't have advice beyond what the others have already shared, but you are most definitely not alone in your feelings and fears. I will say that my feelings subsided within a few weeks, and the rest of the pregnancy went well. I hope you have a similar experience!

Good luck to you. It is a crazy, overwhelming ride and it's really helpful to just take it one day at a time...thinking of all the "what if" scenarios is just too much.
post #38 of 50
I saw this and I couldn't help but comment.

I do not have quads, but I have carried them. I was a surrogate and it was truly a shock for all of us. I am however more then happy to talk to you about the pg. I carried to 29 weeks, this was back in 01 when the average gestation was 27 weeks. It wasn't easy, I wont lie, but it can happen.

Good luck in what ever happens. If you need someone to talk to I am here.
post #39 of 50
How exciting and scary!

My twins are 2 and I'm still shocked that I have twins. Does the shock ever go away?

Honestly, I think God gives multiples to those moms who can truly handle it. Yes you chose fertility assistance but you didn't choose quads, they were miraculously given to you.

I never wanted twins, ever. Found out and was like, oh no not me! But what an amazing experience and if I could have twins again I would. And ya know, it was the hardest work ever but we've survived and it's a blessing. And I can totally handle them. And you'll handle all of your sweet babies too.
post #40 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaRabbit View Post
How exciting and scary!

My twins are 2 and I'm still shocked that I have twins. Does the shock ever go away?

Honestly, I think God gives multiples to those moms who can truly handle it. Yes you chose fertility assistance but you didn't choose quads, they were miraculously given to you.

I never wanted twins, ever. Found out and was like, oh no not me! But what an amazing experience and if I could have twins again I would. And ya know, it was the hardest work ever but we've survived and it's a blessing. And I can totally handle them. And you'll handle all of your sweet babies too.
I would choose to have twins again, too, if I could. I adore having them! They are for sure way more work but it's true that the joy is doubled (and in your case, quadrupled!). Two grinning, crawling babies coming at you is just beyond adorable. FOUR would be the most delightful thing!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting Multiples
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Parenting Multiples › Four...