I've never felt this bad

[Auraji]

Hello everyone, this is the first time I post on this area of the forums, but Im trying to take small steps that will make me feel better and I think talking about it is an important one.
My daughter just turned 4 months yesterday and I know it's kinda late to come out and say "I think I have PPD", but I've been feeling like this for awhile and it's just been getting worse and worse and I find it so hard to talk to anyone about it. It's just so much easier to say Im ok, than get into it.
I've become very isolated. I kinda get annoyed when anybody calls me or talks to me online, because I feel like I need to pretend that I feel good, I know I dont have to, but that's just the way I am. Im extremely anxious all the time, specially at night and I've been eating sweets like crazy. It's become like a drug, I have to go get something sweet and once its at home I have to eat all of it. I've never been unable to control what I eat. I've also been having a lot of problems falling asleep.
I've become extremely concerned about my health, like Im worried that there's something wrong with me (not just mentally). My joints hurt so bad all the day and my bones crack a lot too, I had an xray for my knee which is what hurts the most, but everything came out fine.
I never want to do and barely do anything around the house. Im completely unmotivated. I think Im gonna have to cut like half of my hair because I havent comb it in weeks and its become an insane dread like knot.
I dont want to be around DP (there's a lot of problems with our relationship) and dss. I just want to be alone with my daughter all the time.

[njkarin]

First, I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. But you are also taking an important step by reaching out to people here.

It's not easy to ask for help with PPD--moms are supposed to be able to handle everything, right? But you should find someone to talk to about what you are experiencing, especially if your partner is not helpful. There is a tri-fold combination that helps you understand and recover from PPD: counseling, a community or support system, and medication (if necessary--not always). These things helped me tremendously but more than anything, talking with a counselor was the best. There might also be a support group in your area where you can meet other women experiencing the same thing. This helped me feel less isolated.

I understand the craving for sweets, which I think might have to do with low seratonin levels due to the PPD. I craved sweets like crazy and it didn't help me lose my pregnancy weight which then also made me feel worse. There were times also that I didn't even feel as if I could let the dog out in the backyard, let alone do the dishes. Chores just didn't get done around the house and I felt bad about it... Anyway, the key for you is to maybe contact your doctor/midwife and go from there. They should have resources for you and hopefully can connect you to the right support. It will get better though. I didn't think so at the time but now (one year later) I am a TOTALLY different person. I'm sure others can give you great advice here too. Good luck.

[deditus]

I know those feelings - I didn't accept/admit that it was PPA until my dd was 2 years old! What I did: took a whole lotta fish oil, like 3 T. a day for a few months, Carlson's brand. It helped me soooo much that I was then able to deal with everything else, relationship issues, an elimination diet for dd's food intolerances (that helped me too!), etc. I did cut my (down to my butt) hair after dd was born, that was just one more thing I needed to worry about and didn't really matter! It will really be okay even if it is not right now. There are lots of small steps to take in the direction of healing, and each one is important no matter how small. Sending to you.

[LynnS6]

It takes a while to realize you've got PPD. All your your symptoms sound like mine when I had PPA (postpartum anxiety) - anxious, not wanting to relate to people, craving sweets (I gained 50 lbs after ds was born!), not being able to sleep.

Please see your doctor or your midwife. Ask for the number of someone who is experienced in treating PPD. See if there are any support groups in your area. Picking up that phone will be hard. Print out your post to take with you to see your doctor. I kept down playing my symptoms, and so it took me a lot longer to get help.

[Auraji]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

I've been feeling better. I started taking vitamin D and fish oil and I've been trying not to become overwhelmed with things. When I think of chores instead of thinking of everything that needs to be done, I think of what do I feel like doing right now.
Im cutting my hair too, I just cant deal with it and it's just hair. I started consuming a little caffeine during the day, maybe one cup or two of coffee, just to get me going. I've been trying to eat healthier and reduce the sweets, this has been hard!
And with DP, I havent had the talk yet, but I feel like I've been more assertive, letting him know how I feel when something bothers me and demanding more of him. I have issues communicating when in a relationship, so Im working on that.
It's not that I feel good, but hopeful and that's a lot better of where I was.

[kayleesmom]

what a great start also wanted to send a hug