Ugh at Uninformed People!

[soveryblessed]

I just get so tired of people complaining about my son's penis! When DS was first born, everyone was like, "Get him circ'ed so he will look like his daddy. Uncirc'd babies are dirty and it's ugly!" Fast forward to now (16 months later). My mom "sort of" understands why I didn't circ DS. Most everyone else doesn't say anything about it (to my face).
Then BIL comes in yesterday:

BIL: Didn't you get him circ'd at birth? (I have no idea why he even asked...it was so random).

DH: No

BIL: Why? You can't keep it clean if it's not circ'd.

DH: Do you realize they don't use pain medication for that?

BIL: Well, (friend's name)'s parents didn't do it when he was a baby, and he said you should get it done when they are babies because they will remember it. He had to have it done when he was 6 and still remembers it.

DH: Well, we're not doing it. He can choose to circ himself when he's old enough and has his own health insurance.

BIL: When they are babies they don't remember it.

DH: Andrea's seen one done and babies certainly do feel pain. It's just wrong.


First, let me say I'm gald DH is supportive of our choice. I almost wanted to jump in and say, "Well, I guess if we circ'd girls they would be cleaner too. I'm sure it would be a lot easier to clean without so many folds down there."

It's one thing to ask questions and stuff, but BIL...who has a daughter but signed away parental rights, still lives at home with his dad and is too lazy to get off drugs long enough to get a decent job or finish school...really made me mad. Why does everyone care what my son's penis looks like? I believe it's his body and should be his choice, just like vax'ing. We chose to let our kids decide for themselves when they can have informed consent (and can get pain meds) rather than making a permanent choice for them.

[Evergreen]

The best thing to say to these types of people is, "Why are you so interested in my son's penis anyway? Gross!"

[13Sandals]

I imagine your BIL is not really interested in your son's penis - but his own. All this talk about circ lately has got to have some men who have never given it any thought, something to think about it. Imagine being told as a child that EVERYONE has this body part cut off and then as an adult he looks in the paper to see the circ rates are down to about 50%!!! He suddenly discovers other civilized nations don't do this to their baby boys! I actually feel for these men - how would we feel if we suddenly found out a part of our body was CUT off at birth and there may have been no good reason for it? Sounds like your BIL is having a subconscious, violent reaction to the latest news and is desperately trying to convince himself that what was done to him was best. Definitely, early first stage of dealing with the horror. Granted, many men can't bear to get past this stage - but it is a start.

[frontierpsych]

What 13 sandals said.

but, if all else fails, what Evergreen said.

I'd feel for him, because I can't even come close to understanding what this realization process has to be like for circed males, but at some point, he certainly needs to just drop it with you, and move through his true feelings on the subject.

[KristyDi]

Originally Posted by soveryblessed

It's one thing to ask questions and stuff, but BIL...who has a daughter but signed away parental rights, still lives at home with his dad and is too lazy to get off drugs long enough to get a decent job or finish school...really made me mad. Why does everyone care what my son's penis looks like? I believe it's his body and should be his choice, just like vax'ing. We chose to let our kids decide for themselves when they can have informed consent (and can get pain meds) rather than making a permanent choice for them.

I can totally see how this would anger you : But if I'm being brutally honest this doesn't sound like someone whose opinions would hold much weight with me. You know you made the right decision for the right reasons. Try to educate those who you think it might be worth while and ignore the rest as much as possible.

[sh1180]

I get sick and tired of people being intersted in my sons penis too! My sister had both of her boys circ (because thier daddy wanted them to look like him!) When she got home with her 2nd son and the bandage or whatever they put on IT came off she was mortified that half his penis had been cut off...she said it looked like chopped meat. She chewed the pediatricians ass...he told her that the baby had an unusally small penis! So cut half of it off!!!! Heres a thought...leave it alone.
I always tell people I left him the way God made him. (This explaination never works either)

[Courtney&Ry]

I'm currently facing how to "break the news" to the grandparents...I'm thinking gentle, gradual education will be helpful, but I expect a freak-out, especially from my parents, who have freaked about everything else that's gone against their "norm" (extended breastfeeding, cloth diapers, homebirth, etc). But the final statement will be something along the lines of "My son's penis - my son's choice - end of discussion." I hope it goes smoothly....I have no problem educating people who are receptive to being educated, but seriously, no problem cutting the conversation off with "my son's penis, my son's choice, end of discussion" if they refuse to engage in a civil conversation about it.