3.5 year old DS cries when I ask him to eat his veggies

[busymama77]

And I mean, tears, mamas. It's breaking my heart and driving me crazy all at the same time!! He eats them at school - well, at least I think he does. They offer a main course, veggie, fruit, roll or bread of some sort and a drink. They are to take two out of the three offered and my gut feeling is that he's not taking the veggies. I asked for two or three bites of peas at dinner last night and he about lost it. He used to be all about corn and now that's even getting tough for us to ask him to eat!!

Any advice on what I can do? Maybe I should find out from his teachers at preschool what he's actually eating and not really relay on him to tell me? Should I start incorporating some sort of supplement like Pediasure?

[RollerCoasterMama]

If it were me, I wouldn't push it. Now I'm a mama to only one and he's not quite three...but he tends to eat in phases. This week only veggies. Next week only fruits. The week after maybe starches. I figure it evens out. But if veggies are getting to be a struggle, I'd skip it. I always put a balanced meal in front of DS. I usually ask him to eat a bite or two (not specifying which--some days he'll only eat the veggies and sometimes only the protein), then he's often asking to be excused right away. I really try not to make an issue out of food. (Although we do sometimes negotiate which is probably bad, but it's hard to resist : you eat one more bite then you can go play.)

There are some good veggie juice blends that taste like fruit juice if you're ok about juice. (Vruit is good but super sweet...a former roommate used to give it to her DD but dilluted.) You can add finely chopped veggies to pasta sauce or meatloaf, etc. But I bet if you take away the struggle for a few weeks, he'll come around again. Don't force it. Just make them available non-chalantly. Accept a "no thank you" and give him a bit of power back in the situation.

He's probably feeding off your stress about the issue. I know that with my DS, the more intense we get about asking him to eat, the more upset he gets. So we try to just make lots of healthy options available. And if he eats at meals, great. If not, ok. If he just has 2 bites at dinner, fine. I hate throwing out his dinner, but often as not, that turns into his lunch for preschool the next day (where he'll eat it! *sigh*).

HTH!!

[Biscuits & Gravy]

What kind of veggies are you offering? How do you prepare them? Is he involved with preparing or choosing them? Are you eating them with him?

I find that getting DS involved in the shopping and preparation helps. As a result he will try anything, and what he really enjoys has surprised me. I serve a vegetable every night. Sometimes he eats tons, sometimes he barely touches it (even if he ate tons of that veggie previously).

[busymama77]

I'm offering all kinds of veggies - green beans, corn, carrots, peas, broccoli, and some spinach. Some of them are prepared on the stove if they come from a can or are frozen. Others are prepared in the microwave if they are to be steamed. He's not really interested in preparation unless it's something way new - then he'll want to help me stir the pot or clean up. About 70% of the time, I'm eating something that is on his plate as well, but last night, I was not.

I try to do - just two bites and you'll be done sort of thing or just one more and you can go play.... that's when the tears start. But yes, he's also getting up from the table a bit earlier than usual...

I will give all recommendations a try - the not pushing it, but also try to get him more involved in the process and become more interested in veggies.

Thanks!

[Red Pajama]

When I've presented something to my boys that I know they don't like (think tomatoes) I ask them to lick it. Seems gross, but it introduces the flavor without dealing with the texture.

[newmoon2000]

Just a quick thought -- maybe his resistance is not so much to the vegetables themselves but to your efforts at coercing him to eat them. Have you tried not insisting that he eat them, but eat a big helping yourself, being sure to make lots of yummy noises while doing so?

[velochic]

Originally Posted by busymama77

I asked for two or three bites of peas at dinner last night and he about lost it. He used to be all about corn and now that's even getting tough for us to ask him to eat!!

Any advice on what I can do? Maybe I should find out from his teachers at preschool what he's actually eating and not really relay on him to tell me? Should I start incorporating some sort of supplement like Pediasure?

Hmmm... well, peas and corn are not vegetables, technically and that could be part of the problem. They are a legume and a grain and very starchy, so perhaps your ds's body is telling him that he's had enough starch. Things like peas, green beans, potatoes, and corn are often favorites of kids, but they're not really vegetables. IMO, if they don't have sensory issues, a child will often just seek out whatever their body needs (and based on how you say he prefers one thing for a while then another is indicative of that). Perhaps you can offer more and/or a different variety of actual vegetables that are less starchy. Of the 6 you listed before that you've served, only 3 (carrots, broccoli and spinach) are vegetables and that's not a lot of variety. Perhaps you could also try serving them raw. Good luck!

[lucyem]

-Raw veggies in dip is always a big hit with my boys.
-I am a very picky eater so I always recommend not pushing food on kids they will not eat. I still get sick to my stomach about foods my father forced on me 35 years ago.
-We do have a rule about tasting new items. One taste and that is it. Then we praise the tasting and move on. If they hate it then they do not have to eat it again. Though in your case I would avoid that for now.
-Think about the way your veggies are prepared and try a variety of ways of cooking them. Canned veggies are very soft and have a different taste then fresh or frozen. I have never been able to eat them myself. Steamed veggies on the stove tend to be more crunchy then in the microwave. I can eat fresh spinach but cannot stand the smell or taste of cooked while my DH is the opposite. Help your DS understand how different things can taste when cooked different ways. And lots of things taste great on the grill.
-There are recipes on hiding veggies in foods so kids do not notice.
-Wrong time of year but my kids really got into veggies this year with the garden. They were stealing tomatoes all the time. They love little grape tomatoes the best. Though this did slightly backfire when we had greenbeans every day for the month of August
-We went through a period this summer with my 3 1/2 yr old not wanting to eat. I discovered that if I fed him he would finish his meal. If left on his own he would take off. Life is more interesting. He also did not want to get dressed on his own and other things. We just went with it. I have noticed he is doing more by himself again lately.
-Do not worry too much. My SIL ate Kraft MacNCheese for 5 years. Still boggles the mind. A more beautiful, smart outgoing person I have yet to meet. She graduated college with honors.
-Oh and DH and I make an effort to show our DS's that we too try new foods.

[Nim]

I'm probably alone in this but wee ones need thier veggies. If he decided to stop eating all together and would only accept ice cream-would you just let that go?
Crying over his veggies won't kill him. I'd have him sit there til he ate as much as you decide for him. It helps my 2 year old if I take a bite to show her its 'ok' when she's trying something new. Sometimes she just doesn't want to eat carrots (one of her favorites) but I know she can, so she doesn't go anywhere or get anything until she does. I try to generally to include veggies DD is more fond of than one she hates-but I won't make a whole seperate meal for her or waste a whole plate of food over her fussiness.

He's crying over corn when he didn't used to he probably sees that weeping over his food will get his preferances. Have him ask nicely instead. Have him tell you which veggies he likes. Don't give into weeping to get his way. He'll just do it more and more.
Praise him for trying bites and be encouraging-not mean about it. but be matter of fact about what he has to finish and dont cave. dont say-you HAVE to eat this whole thing! then settle after 3 bites. next time you ask for 3 bites he wont seee why he wont get away with just 1.

[ernalala]

If I don't want to eat the carrots on my plate, I won't. So I do not see why it should be ok to insist on my child to eat his veggies. I can choose to eat sth I do not like very much, or even sth I dislike (I've done that out of politeness for the cook, lol) but out of free will, not pressure. If my child is reluctant to eat sth that's on his plate, I won't be happy, since after all I'm the cook, and I will ask to at least try (lol, or lick a bit from a spoon or finger) just to get the taste, but a no is a no and I do respect that. How can I expect my child to respect my own limits when I want/need to say my No about sth when I do not respect his? They will learn to eat. And the less pressure, the better it may get over time, only it may mean LOTS of time (in a parents eye maybe), and lots of patience. Letting go of the food issue is the best I've ever done in this household and there wasn't even much pressure in the past over food in this house. I DO educate my children about benefits and counter sides of certain foods. It's also about learning diet and learning what and how to eat, not only by tasting, definitely not by having to taste 'or'.

And, you know what? If the veggies (or other food) on the plate are untouched, so be it. I know my kids get enough nutritients, and enough of the right ones by own choice. And replacement for the not so tasty vegetables on the plate are often willingly replaced by raw vegetables like cucumber, carrot or tomato.

Also, I like to add little amounts in soups they like, in meat balls, sauces, and sometimes juices. And it works and I tell them whats in the food when they want to know.

Ice-cream is a healthy food here too, since it's often made of fruit/milk/yoghurt. So no big deal if that's what they'd like to have. But I do expect we first have our evening meal and then do a treat. But no pressure. Can work. It does here.

[catballou24]

one way i get my girls to eat a good balance of veggies is to put powdered greens in smoothies. they have no idea they are there. we make smoothies with organic fruit, powdered greens, flax seed oil, organic yogurt and either juice or almond milk.

my girls also love frozen peas. they think they are treats..

[RiverSky]

I think it's an EXTREMELY bad idea (and not respectful) to force children to eat ANYTHING. I think you should offer healthy foods, a good variety, but never force. If you know that your child likes one or two or three veggies, offer those often, so that at least you know those might get into his/her diet. Next, try smoothies where you can add spinach, cucumbers (a fruit, I know), carrots, beets, etc, to fruit and yogurt and voila, added nutrition in a yummy, lovely format. You can get your child to help you make them, too (after they have first realized how yummy they are). If you leave your child be, offer but not force, I am certain that within a year or two or three, your child will start eating and loving some of the things that she/he did not before.

[alegna]

Let it go.

Offer a variety. offer them in fun ways. Sneak them in IF that works for your kid (some kids are offended, then turned off...)

But DO NOT force.

And stop the games (2 more bites... etc)

Your job is to provide healthy choices.

His job is to decide, if, when and how much to eat.

-Angela

[caudex]

Foods we liked that snuck in veggies, even if we knew about the "sneaking":

Chocolate zucchini cake (so moist and yummy-- you can't taste it, and can barely see it)

Stuffed shells and lasagna with spinach/peppers ground into the sauce

carrot muffins/bread

We all really loved stir fried vegetables with just olive oil and salt. They're warm, still crunchy, and flavored. My brother especially loved kale cooked this way until nearly burnt. It's like a green potato chip.

A little beet juice in smoothies.

Veggies and dip

Pesto sauce

My mom was never an endorser of the "clean plate club," but she did try to enforce a "try two bites" rule. At that point you were allowed to give it up, and she figured at least you had had a little serving of the right food. She supplemented me, in particular (I'm pretty sure I just ate clouds and sunshine growing up) with a vitamin, until I started to eat more on my own.

[no5no5]

We never push. Pushing leads to major backlash in our family. And I think pushing veggies in particular can lead to lifelong hatred of veggies.

Instead, we trust DD to make healthy decisions (which she does). I would stop pushing altogether and starting modeling good behavior (or continue, if you already do this). Don't expect it to change overnight. Just prepare a wide variety of healthy and delicious vegetables in a wide range of dishes, offer them casually, and enjoy them yourself.

[2xy]

I tend to not make food a battleground.

But if you really want the child to eat vegetables, I suggest staying away from the canned ones. They don't taste good, the texture is not particularly pleasant, and most of the nutrition has been cooked away, anyway.

I was an adult before I'd had fresh asparagus, broccoli, green beans, or spinach. What a difference! I think I would have happily eaten vegetables as a child if my mother hadn't given me canned ones. The only vegetable that I still will not eat in any form is beets.

[babygrant]

Originally Posted by alegna

Let it go.

Offer a variety. offer them in fun ways. Sneak them in IF that works for your kid (some kids are offended, then turned off...)

But DO NOT force.

And stop the games (2 more bites... etc)

Your job is to provide healthy choices.

His job is to decide, if, when and how much to eat.

-Angela

Yep, exactly this!

[annekevdbroek]

Originally Posted by ernalala

If I don't want to eat the carrots on my plate, I won't. So I do not see why it should be ok to insist on my child to eat his veggies. I can choose to eat sth I do not like very much, or even sth I dislike (I've done that out of politeness for the cook, lol) but out of free will, not pressure. If my child is reluctant to eat sth that's on his plate, I won't be happy, since after all I'm the cook, and I will ask to at least try (lol, or lick a bit from a spoon or finger) just to get the taste, but a no is a no and I do respect that. How can I expect my child to respect my own limits when I want/need to say my No about sth when I do not respect his? They will learn to eat. And the less pressure, the better it may get over time, only it may mean LOTS of time (in a parents eye maybe), and lots of patience. Letting go of the food issue is the best I've ever done in this household and there wasn't even much pressure in the past over food in this house. I DO educate my children about benefits and counter sides of certain foods. It's also about learning diet and learning what and how to eat, not only by tasting, definitely not by having to taste 'or'.

And, you know what? If the veggies (or other food) on the plate are untouched, so be it. I know my kids get enough nutritients, and enough of the right ones by own choice. And replacement for the not so tasty vegetables on the plate are often willingly replaced by raw vegetables like cucumber, carrot or tomato.

Also, I like to add little amounts in soups they like, in meat balls, sauces, and sometimes juices. And it works and I tell them whats in the food when they want to know.

Ice-cream is a healthy food here too, since it's often made of fruit/milk/yoghurt. So no big deal if that's what they'd like to have. But I do expect we first have our evening meal and then do a treat. But no pressure. Can work. It does here.

I completely agree. I don't force my kids to eat anything. I too also have memories of being "forced" to eat things I did not like as a child. As an adult I still dislike many of these foods (and I am not at all a picky eater, but the negative associations with these foods is persistent). I just think it is wrong to force someone to put something into their body. And you know what, being forced to eat vegetables did not make me like them. I hated them for a long long long time and refused to try many things due to the battles of childhood.

So - my kids don't eat a lot of veggies. One likes fruit, the other doesn't. They love homemade bread, made from scratch mac-n-cheese, refried beans, eggs, pasta, juices, anything dairy....

[SleeplessMommy]

1) Have you tried ants on a log? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ants_on_a_log
It is mentioned at the back of one of the Blues Clues books, it could be your son's idea if you read the book together.

2) Have you tried making veggie faces (on the plate or on a pizza). Creativity might distract from the actual food content:

[Leta]

This doesn't happen every night (oh, to be so organized and productive that it did!), but we try to include five servings and/or types of veggies at dinner. Then, if a person eats all of their veggies, s/he gets dessert. (Dessert is always either fruit based, low sugar, or both.)

DD is three, and this works like a charm with her. There's no cajoling or "just two more bites" or anything- it's just how things are. We measure her food- 1/4 cup being a serving of vegetables, so I put 3/4 of a cup of food on her plate. If she asks for seconds, I put a 1/2 cup. This isn't to control her portions, it's so I don't push her to eat too much. 3/4 or 1/2 cup doesn't look like much to me, but if she eats two plates of eggplant with red sauce and steamed broccoli (a favorite around here), she's eaten her full vegetable allotment for the entire day in one sitting.

DD also really likes (as in requests) carrot sticks and ranch and V8. DSS even likes V8 if it's cut 50%-50% with fruit juice. If you are interested, I have a recipe for homemade ranch mix that makes dressing and dip easy peasy, super cheap, and no MSG.

Oh, Italian dressing on green beans is another big hit at our house.

HTH