16 mos. tantrums

[lovingmommyhood]

I wasn't sure if this belonged here or in toddlers because it never enters my mind to "discipline" my 16 month old daughter but I'm not sure what to do with her. For about a month now my daughter has been throwing huge tantrums, she went from being the most laid back child to this screaming wild child any time she doesn't get her way.

The problems we have are when A. I don't allow her to feed herself and B. During diaper/clothing changes

So, for the most part I let her feed herself but once in awhile if I don't time it right and we're in a rush to get to school or I don't want her to get oatmeal & applesauce in her hair. I give her a spoon and have even tried giving her two spoons but she still insists on eating with her fingers. :

So that will usually end in her refusing to eat, screaming and thrashing around.

Every time I change her diaper or her clothing she has these tantrums. Every. Single. Time. Today, I was changing her diaper and she's twisting away from me like a crocodile death roll and I'm stuck trying to wipe her butt and not get poop all over. When I finally wrestled the diaper on her after, I'm not kidding 5 minutes of trying she kept up the tantrum. I tried holding her loosely in my arms letting her thrash, than I tried hugging her close that just made her more angry. I went on doing laundry and just brought her with me, tried laying her on the floor...at one point she flung herself back and banged her head on our coffee table. After 15 minutes of this I put her in her crib and left the room. She kept on. I went back and got her after 3 minutes. Eventually she calmed down of course but has anyone else experienced this and what do I do? Just weather it?

This combined with a very...spirited three year old is about to be the end of my sanity.

:TIA

[mom2grrls]

How's she sleeping? Does she know any signs/words to communicate what she wants? It is something that you will have to wether awhile until the next phase but making sure she's well rested and perhaps teaching her some signs could help. Can you change her standing up, maybe squirt her off in the tub for awhile instead of using wipes? Maybe instead of messy oatmeal or applesauce try cheerios or small pieces of bread to let her eat, maybe even some bites of veggies.

[PikkuMyy]

Originally Posted by mom2grrls

How's she sleeping? Does she know any signs/words to communicate what she wants? It is something that you will have to wether awhile until the next phase but making sure she's well rested and perhaps teaching her some signs could help. Can you change her standing up, maybe squirt her off in the tub for awhile instead of using wipes? Maybe instead of messy oatmeal or applesauce try cheerios or small pieces of bread to let her eat, maybe even some bites of veggies.

Agreeing with all of this.

I'd definitely just switch what you are trying to feed her when you don't have time to let her feed herself. It's much better for her to go off with something slightly less healthy in her stomach than to have a tantrum and not eat.

As for the diaper changes, I watch a girl who did the same thing and now at 20 months, she's much calmer about it. She really doesn't like the cold wipes so a wipe warmer might help but what I generally do is to get her involved with a toy or special item she gets to play with during changes before I change her. And for pee changes, I often do it standing up.

As for handling it, I found that if I tried to intervene, one or both of us would get hurt, so I'd just set her on the floor, let her get some of it out, and then when she calmed down enough to hear me, I'd either redirect her attention to something completely different (like talk about what we were going to do next, what shoes she might wear, what her special doll would do, etc.) and then do what I was doing before while talking to her about the other subject, or sometimes I'd then be able to get her to communicate a bit about what was upsetting her.

[Alexander]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

I wasn't sure if this belonged here or in toddlers because it never enters my mind to "discipline" my 16 month old daughter

I think the "discipline" is for us

Originally Posted by mom2grrls

Can you change her standing up, maybe squirt her off in the tub for awhile instead of using wipes?

Took the words right out of my mouth. Then she'd have a choice. Also, does she have something to do while getting wiped? (like holding something or watching Bob the Builder on TV)

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

I give her a spoon and have even tried giving her two spoons but she still insists on eating with her fingers.

Spoons? You gave her spoons and you expected her to use them??



Kids at this age are like men. You can tell them you want a job done, but you cannot tell them how to do it. Best let her finger feed

Originally Posted by mom2grrls

Maybe instead of messy oatmeal or applesauce try cheerios or small pieces of bread to let her eat, maybe even some bites of veggies.

Ah! that is a good idea. Although, what is wrong with apple sauce in her hair. Ya know? Stuff happens. She's allowed to be 1, and you are allowed not to care.

[lovingmommyhood]

Thank you for the replies! A ton of good advice. I think you're right that it's some of these simple things that could help us avoid this problem.

I should have known her using spoons was a pipe dream! They sell those fat little baby spoons in the store just to taunt me, I swear!

Distracting her with something "forbidden" might work like mommy's cell phone that she is always wanting to play with/chew on...I should have thought of that since when I do her hair she sits like a perfect angel because I let her play with the box of hair ties which is a major treat. *laughs*

Mom2grrls~ She sleeps really well from 7 pm - 7 am and naps during the day. I do think I will teach her a few basic signs as I did this with my oldest and it worked well. As I've gotten to my third child the lazies have kicked in there.

Alexander~ Thank you for reminding me she is one, it helped me gain some perspective!

[just_lily]

When my 14mo tantrums I just leave her to it. If I tried to hold her it makes it worse, but if I just let her fall to the ground she will be distracted in a minute and it will all be over. The times she has really freaked out I have put her in her crib because it was the safest place.

As for the eating, I picked up a spill proof snack cup at Wal-Mart for only like $4. In has flaps on the top so she can stick her hand in to get her snack, but can't spill it all over the place. Maybe something like that would be a good solution for when you are in a hurry... give her the cup and let her eat while you are on the go. There is also applesauce in a tube that you can get - Squishems - that she will probably be able to feed herself. I usually shy away from such excessive packaging, but they were a godsend on our last roadtrip. I let my DD eat in her carseat, which not everyone is comfortable with, but it gets us where we are going with less fuss.

[sapphire_chan]

How about not getting her clothes on until breakfast is over? Naked babies clean up pretty easily?

If that's not an option, a long-sleeved bib will protect everything but her face, and her face should wipe off with one damp washcloth.