I really want to wean; advice needed

[MysteryMama]

First off, I want to say I am very supportive of bf'ing... to the point I think formula should be available by prescription only. But I am ready to wean now... I just can't stand it anymore. I loathe it, to be honest. I have been nursing for a long time now without break... since ds was born. DD is over 2yo now, and I want to wean. She really only nurses for comfort... she actually eats and drinks more than her older brother. I know comfort is important, but I just can't stand it anymore. I don't know what changed, but I feel almost violated now at times when she nurses, and she still wants to nurse all the time. Sometimes once an hour! Usually though she only nurses a minute if even that, except first thing in morning when she wants to nurse for 30 min to an hour!

Please, any advice on how to wean would be much appreciated. I try distracting her, offering drinks/snacks, even a pacifier at times though she is seems too old for that. I even find myself pleading with her, though I'm sure she doesn't understand because she's only 2, I can't help myself. She is so so attached to the breast. I wish I didn't feel this way.

[gillibean]

I feel for you. I've been ready to be done for the past few months. Finally I had just had enough. DD was constantly wanting to nurse. I decided that I would nurse her when she first woke up and right before bed at night. It was hard for the first few days because she'd constantly ask to nurse. She was of the opinion that if I was sitting, I should be available to nurse her.

When she'd ask, I'd just reply that I'd nurse her when it was time for bed but she could have a glass of milk or water or we could snuggle or read a book. After 2-3 days she got the message that nursing during the day was not an option. She'll still ask occasionally but she doesn't make as big of a deal out of it. I feel so much better now.

In the morning I don't limit her time nursing - she comes into our bed for that and I usually try to just go back to sleep. For the bedtime nursing I usually just do about a minute on each side. If she complains I let DH snuggle with her. Lately, some of these feedings are being cut down because if she doesn't ask, I don't offer.

I've also heard of people counting to 10 while nursing. When they get to 10 the feeding is over. That never worked for me but it's something to consider. HTH.

[MysteryMama]

Originally Posted by gillibean

I feel for you. I've been ready to be done for the past few months. Finally I had just had enough. DD was constantly wanting to nurse. I decided that I would nurse her when she first woke up and right before bed at night. It was hard for the first few days because she'd constantly ask to nurse. She was of the opinion that if I was sitting, I should be available to nurse her.

When she'd ask, I'd just reply that I'd nurse her when it was time for bed but she could have a glass of milk or water or we could snuggle or read a book. After 2-3 days she got the message that nursing during the day was not an option. She'll still ask occasionally but she doesn't make as big of a deal out of it. I feel so much better now.

In the morning I don't limit her time nursing - she comes into our bed for that and I usually try to just go back to sleep. For the bedtime nursing I usually just do about a minute on each side. If she complains I let DH snuggle with her. Lately, some of these feedings are being cut down because if she doesn't ask, I don't offer.

I've also heard of people counting to 10 while nursing. When they get to 10 the feeding is over. That never worked for me but it's something to consider. HTH.

I try telling her not until a certain time (nap time/bedtime) and offering a drink/snack... occasionally this works, but usually she tantrums horribly and I give in. I don't want to, but I don't know what else to do. So I nurse her, resentfully

Thank you for posting... I'm going to try the count to 10 thing; I don't know if it will work, but maybe since most of the time she doesn't nurse long anyway, except in the morning.

[phrogger]

My cousin was older, he was nearly 4, but I remember my aunt putting band-aids on her breasts and telling him she hurt and he couldn't nurse. It wasn't a lie, she did hurt and it was just too much for her anymore. He didn't want to hurt mommy's "owwies" so he stopped.

[Swandira]

Originally Posted by MysteryMama

I try telling her not until a certain time (nap time/bedtime) and offering a drink/snack... occasionally this works, but usually she tantrums horribly and I give in. I don't want to, but I don't know what else to do. So I nurse her, resentfully

The bolded part is what you'll have to change if you want to wean her, even if you only wean partially. It's awful to listen to the shrieking and howling, but if it gets her what she wants (nursing every hour), she's going to keep doing it. If you cause tantruming to have a result she doesn't want, she'll eventually stop doing it. Acknowledge her strong feelings, but stick to your plan. You just have to be a stuck record: "I hear that you want to nurse, but now is not a good time for nursing." You'll probably have to say it several times before she'll believe that you mean it, especially if the tantrum --> nursing has been a pattern for a while. If you want to wean gradually (which is almost always the best way to do it), you can tell her when you will nurse her again, in terms she can understand: "after your nap" or "when you're getting ready for bed."

I totally get how hard it is not to doubt yourself in the face of a tantrum. I think it's one of the hardest thing in parenting a toddler! Unfortunately, there's no quick-fix way to get around it: you just have to teach them that throwing a fit will not lead to the result they're looking for, or they'll keep doing it. Better to put a stop to it now than to let it go on until you have a 60-pound first-grader throwing a tantrum. That's a lot harder to manage!

Good luck, and many hugs. Ending the tantrums is totally worth the effort you'll have to put into it. You might even be able to enjoy nursing again!

Nealy
mama to T, 6; L, 3; and O, 12/12/08

[PlayaMama]

what worked for us was getting outside! when my ds was totally distracted and moving he'd forget all about it. we had one very rough night whe i nightweaned but then it was over and he understood, boobah are night night right now.

big hugs!! i know what it's like to be _done_ and i was SO relieved to be done nursing after i finally weaned ds. i didn't like the ten pounds that crept back on but it was worth it

[ecoteat]

We went cold turkey on dd's 3rd birthday. It was her idea. I had been vaguely saying things about how she'll get bigger and not drink mama milk someday. She decided that should happen when she turns 3. So we made a celebration out of it, with a countdown and a story we made up together about where the milk goes. She was nursing about 3-6 times a day right up until the end. The last time was at bedtime on her birthday and it was very sweet and special. The following few days were an adjustment (especially for my hormones--wow!) and then we just settled into our new routines. Instead of "Snuggly Nursing Time" mid-morning, we did "Snuggly Story Time." At bedtime we kept the routine basically the same, except where she used to nurse we snuggled in her bed together and talked about our day.

[cdmommie]

I have not weaned my 2 yr old yet, but am having to make her slow down because between her and my 5 month old I am exausted. I just tell her that She can nurse, but only while I count to 10. The first couple times she was a little upset that I made her stop at ten, but then the next couple times she stopped at 10 withouth arguing... then after a couple of days if she asked to nurse and I didn't feel like it, I just said okay but only while I count to 10. She would just say "no thanks". She still nurses once a day on most days, but for the most part if she asks I just tell her I'll count and that detures her. I guess if it's not a full session it's not worth it to her.

[MysteryMama]

Originally Posted by cdmommie

I have not weaned my 2 yr old yet, but am having to make her slow down because between her and my 5 month old I am exausted. I just tell her that She can nurse, but only while I count to 10. The first couple times she was a little upset that I made her stop at ten, but then the next couple times she stopped at 10 withouth arguing... then after a couple of days if she asked to nurse and I didn't feel like it, I just said okay but only while I count to 10. She would just say "no thanks". She still nurses once a day on most days, but for the most part if she asks I just tell her I'll count and that detures her. I guess if it's not a full session it's not worth it to her.

I'm trying the 10 count. She really gets a 20 count cause she insists on having both sides but other than that it's going so/so. Sometimes a tantrum, sometimes acceptance, but I really just started this today. I only work one day a week, which is Sunday, so tomorrow I'll have a break. I'm thinking it might be easier to really start out on a Tuesday though because Mondays she really is extra clingy from me being gone all day Sunday.

Thanks everyone for advice and sharing your personal experience... keep it coming.

[dharmama]

i made up this little song with my kids...we're gonna finish up in 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - all done! (i sing the all done in a really stretched out sing-songy way)

when we were nursing and i felt like i needed to stop i would softly sing the song and when i said all done...that was it. (even if i had to physically break the latch and pull them off.)

once i really needed to wean...i started doing the countdown almost immediately when they latched on. they were already pretty used to it and they just kind of went along with it. so we'd nurse for like 5-10 seconds.

i also wrote affirmations for the process. mothering actually published my daughter's weaning story here. maybe there is something in there that will resonate with you.

hang in there mama...you are doing great!!!

~erin

[MysteryMama]

Dharmama, your nursing story is beautiful! I really loved it, thank you.