EC graduates - Motivation

[MommyKhuong]

We are sooooo close! DD is now almost 14 months. She has been in cloth trainers for the past week and we are nearly there. She can hold her blatter, she knows what to do, and how to do it. We are down to about 3-5 trainers a day with staying dry for naps and even most nights. The problem is she just doesn't always have the motivation to do it. I am a firm believer in rewards even if the reward is just praise but that is starting to be less interesting to her.
Any tips on motivating? Anyone try the typical stickers, or choose which pair of underwear to wear, or anything else? Just looking for motivation. Once I get her to want this more I know she will be a graduate!
I know it's stupid but I want to get her through this before we have another strike. It seems like every time it started to go really good she would loose motivation and then have a strike for a few months. This time she is closer then ever. I just want to give her that nudge and make it happen!
Thanks in advance for any tips!
Nikki

[hrsmom]

Hi Nikki!- I don't have motivation recommendations for you. (I haven't used motivation, and I can't imagine that my dd would go for it anyway!) I just wanted to mention that molar teething can really change EC, even more than the other teeth, and I don't know that motivating her to use the potty more right now will make any difference in the next couple of months. (It'll just make it more frustrating for you.) But I'm just going based on my dd. Graduating this early would not be a reasonable expection for my dd. On top of the molar teething (which can get intense!) right now my dd's favorite word is "no" and I just have to go with it. Just my thoughts! I know all babies are different, but you do have some important developmental milestones up ahead that will (or could, I should say) affect your babe's pottying.

[Carlyle]

What if you back off and put the ball in her court? Let her know that she's doing so well that you decided to leave it up to her to decide when she wants to use the potty. Then stop offering unless you're about to go out or something. If you can spend the time with some older, potty trained kiddos that would help too. Then if she forgets, or doesn't get to the potty in time, you can just calmly say "oops, that caught you by surprise didn't it. That's okay, you can try to get it in the potty again next time." I had to really let go of any attachment I had to her success.

That's what we did when my dd was "so close." She was a lot older than your dd, but it worked well for my strong-willed 2 year old.

[pixiepunk]

i think you've gotten some good advice already. i'll just add that, IME with my older two, they were "so close" for a lot longer than i expected them to be, and as Carlysle said, i had to let go of my attachment to her success and just let them do it at their own pace. it was probably a good 4 months of thinking we were almost done before we actually were. with DS it was longer as he continued to have an occasional miss for quite a while after i stopped putting him in trainers and considerd him a grad.

i don't really do rewards and such, especially around pottying, but i'm not even sure they would work with a toddler that young? perhaps that's a general question you could ask in one of the parenting forums? the only time i ever used rewards was with my DD1 with daily dental care, after she had to have some dental work that scared her from wanting to let us brush her teeth. but she was like 3.5 yo at the time. DS was about 18 months at the time, and he seemed totally unaware of the whole setup (getting to put a sticker on the chart, getting a reward at the end of the week). it didn't seem to really 'click' what the stickers were for, though he went along with the tooth brushing, etc simply because he was following what his sister did. but he was just too young to connect the act with the 'reward.' that's my only experience with it, and why i wonder whether it'd work with such a LO.

[majormajor]

i did have success giving cookies to my older DD when i thought she might be ready to really be independent on the potty. she was 17 mos old and having very few misses, but only when i was on top of taking her to the potty often. she never indicated to me that she had to go. but, it worked right away--i gave her a cookie after going, and the next time it was "mama, pee pee!", and she took my hand and led me to the potty. she had few accidents after that and within a month, accidents were rare. i don't know if this is a one in a million response to the cookie reward. i think it might be

DD2 is 15 months old, but i don't think she'd respond to the cookie thing like DD1. well, she's not that into cookies, so that's part of it, but even if it was giving her boobie (hey, it's her favorite snack!), i don't think it would work. DD2 goes in her diaper frequently if i don't take her potty. even if i do, sometimes i'll put her on when i think she has to go, she won't go, and 5 minutes later she'll pee on the floor. she's also getting her molars, i wonder if that's related...

the main difference between DD1 just before she became independent and DD2 right now is that if i took DD1 to the potty on schedule (every half hour first thing in the morning, hourly before lunch, and every 2 hours in the afternoon was the standard schedule, flexible if she'd had a big drink in the last half hour!), then she would never have had a miss. DD2 does not have so many catches, even when i'm "on" (which i'm not usually, poor second child!)

well, this is longer than i had intended. i guess my bottom line is, if cookies don't work, no harm IMO. just keep your expectations low. i mean, a 14 month old that goes in the potty at ALL is a success story!

[MommyKhuong]

Everyone works for rewards. If you think about it you don't go to work for free and for that matter people don't really do anything unless you get something in return, even if it's gratification. I give dd lots of praise when she goes and I want her to know I'm proud of her. Since posting I have also started giving her a half of an M&M and it works wonders. When she gets off the potty she runs over to the kitchen cupboard (they are up high though). It has helped her to realize that we are proud of her and she has started to become proud of herself now as well. I think that slight reward just reinforced it all.

I know EC is all about slowly getting to the finish line but eventually they do need to cross it. I think all of our "potty breaks" confused dd. She would regress horribly with the inconsistancy. So taking a break is not really a good option for us, no matter what obstacles approach in the next few months. She needs to trust that we will always take her in order for her to eventually get to that point. DH & I are both on board and are ready to help her finish this up.

We now take her to the potty based on scheduling and the slight communication that she does give us (which just started like 3 days ago!). We are now down to about 3 or 4 trainers a day and completely dry at naps & most nights.

It just goes to show that every child is different. For some rewards might not work but for us they have worked wonders. Just like for some it might work to part-time EC but for us that only worked when she was younger, now we are full-time EC and having a lot more success.

[pixiepunk]

obviously there are some things people do that they wouldn't do without external rewards (like go to a job they didn't like) but really, the vast majority of things you do throughout the day you don't do because you get any external reward. going to the bathroom, bathing, brushing your teeth, eating. and if you're the adult, cooking the meals, keeping your house clean, washing your clothes, playing with your children. even growing a garden - yes you put work in and you hope to get vegetables out of it in the end, but if the only thing you are concerned about is the vegetables you probably would be better off to go to the store and buy them then to spend the time needed to care for them - you have to enjoy that process separate from the end result to bother doing it (at least in our society where fresh fruits and veggies are so readily available). i don't wash my husband's underwear and pack his lunch because i expect him to bring me a box of chocolates, i do it because i want him to be clean and comfortable and full of healthy food. you have to find your own internal motivation for the vast majority of things you need to do in life, there's no one on the side lines to cheer you on or to pay you for it either.

for me, EC is all about communicating. i don't praise her when she goes to the potty. i might say thank you for putting the pee pee in the potty, or doesn't it feel good to put the pee pee where it belongs. i might give a little praise after a string of misses "thank you so much for telling mommy you needed to pee!" but i know way too many kids that are praise junkies, that think every single thing they do needs to be followed up with "oh! that's so wonderful!" even when it's mundane. i save my praise for things i think are truly praiseworthy. and in my house taking a poo doesn't fall into that category