Neighbor Girl Terrified of My Dog (X-post in Childhood Years) - Page 3

[Girl In The Fire]

Originally Posted by Sailor

How is this 7 year old kid even walking through the neighborhood alone if she's terrified at the sight of a dog? Surely there are dogs in the neighborhood that she sees while walking around.

Walking through a neighborhood where dogs are in yards or on leash is a far cry from a dog coming up to you while you are in hysterics on the ground after you have requested the dog be kept away from you .

I have a spider phobia, only certain species of spiders, if I see them from a "safe" distance I am fine, uncomfortable, but I can deal with it. If one were to crawl on me or someone were to put one on me I would most likely go into a full blown panic attack.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by swd12422

But that was b/c she refused to leave the scary situation and instead chose to attempt control over a situation she clearly wasn't going to be able to manage..

If you are referring to staying and playing with the girls, after the dog was finally in another room, she stayed because she wanted to play with her friends--and probably trusted the op to keep the dog away from her at that point (since her fear had been made extremely clear. Most adults, at that point, would be vigilant in keeping the dog away from such a fearful child). Companionship is a very real need, and it sounds like this little girl doesn't have much. That is sort like putting the dog between a hungry child and food and saying "she chose to stay".

[Shera971]

Originally Posted by Leta

And, frankly, I don't want a seven year old running my house for me.

A human always trumps my dog no matter what the age.

I have a large dog. When we go for a walk if a person is coming, the dog goes off the sidewalk and waits in a sit stay until the person passes. When my DS has friends over, the dog gets locked up. While he's friendly, he is still a dog and interpets situations as such. His natural means of communication are body language (which most people don't get), growls and bites. I would rather have an unhappy dog for a few hours than a scarred child for life.

If you don't want the child over there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes people just don't hit it off (even grown-ups and kids... it seems pretty apparent you don't like her). However, the girl clearly has a fear of dogs and not putting the dog away while she is over is just plain cruel IMO.

ETA two things:
1. OP, I thought it was very nice of you to want to include Bethie in the first place. You saw that she was missing her friend and wanted to give her the chance to play

2. We could consider that the girls fear is not irrational but based on her reality. Perhaps she was bitten/attacked before and has never had a good experience with a dog. Or maybe some one in her life has been telling her dogs are very dangerous and will attack anytime. I remember reading on the "Dumbest parenting advice" thread that some one told a mom never to let the dog lick the baby b/c the dog would then develop a taste for babies and want to eat him. The person was dead serious in their convictions.

[SquishyKitty]

I fully agree with the above post. It's not an irrational fear if the child is crying in terror, it's a real fear and deserves to be treated as such.

We also have a very large dog who, IMO, couldn't hurt a fly. However, we have friends who are terrified of big dogs. So, when they're over, our dog goes out back. No, it's not totally fair to the dog but you know what? It keeps the situation neutral and makes sure that nothing does happen. Dogs feed off of peoples' emotions too, and an anxious, nervous child is going to make the dog nervous and anxious, and she could potentially snap. It would be normal, but it wouldn't be interpreted as such by anybody else when a child is involved. Now you've put your dog at risk as well.

There is nothing wrong with making somebody else (Who you invited in) comfortable in your home. It's gracious and shows good manners. Forcing a large dog on somebody who is scared is just cruel, especially when it's a child. What would you have done if she had allergies to pet dander? Come here posting about her irrational allergies?

[lexapurple]

I can only say 'WOW".
Are you seriously taking comfort of your dog over comfort of a child? Because to me it seem like you are looking for excuse not to let Bethie in you house again. If you have serious concerns about her and not comfortable with her playing with your child do not invite her. Otherwise it is mean and childish to exclude a child from play date because it might be unfair to the dog to be kenneled. What does you dog do during the day anyway? My dogs sleep in their kennels for several hours at the time with doors open and like it.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by SquishyKitty

I fully agree with the above post. It's not an irrational fear if the child is crying in terror, it's a real fear and deserves to be treated as such.

We call them "irrational" because they cannot be reasoned with; they make a person totally irrational. Not just because they don't make sense. It doesn't mean she's an irrational person because she has it.

(ETA- and in case anyone missed my earlier post, I have an irrational fear / phobia of "natural" (not man-made) heights that causes me to freeze and cry, which is very unlike me otherwise, and moreover, not brought on by any particular trauma I remember.)

[sapphire_chan]

And here I was all set to tell you to talk to the girl's parents about meeting your dog. Since I was scared of a few dogs in my neighborhood because the owners wouldn't introduce them to me, but I was fine with even large dogs that were introduced.

but that situation... ugh... no idea.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Catubodua

in these types of situations, i'm protective of my dog which ends up making it safer for the child/person as well.

if we have someone over who's that afraid of the dog, the dog gets closed in a bedroom while they are there. i don't want there to be the slightest bit of a chance that my dog gets accused of doing something and/or gets scared and acts in a manner i'm not expecting.

i never want to be in a situation where i'm fighting to not have my dog pts because of an overreaction or misunderstanding.

she's unhappy about being separated from us for the few hours, but i'd rather have her unhappy and with me than lose her forever over something stupid.

Yeah this.

I would like to add that I do feel a bit bad for the dog for putting him in my room when a certain (fearfull) child comes to visit - so I limit visits to no more than once or twice a week.

However, when I do allow a visit, the dog goes away. It is better for every being.

[lilyka]

my oldest dd was insanely afraid of dogs and would likely have had the same reaction as Bethie. Her fear was irrational. she had never been jumped on, bitten or even remotely followed by a dog. I think her fear of dogs was fed by the same whatever that fed her intense fear of tickle me Elmo. Fury things just should not move in her world.....but she was absolutely terrified of them. go figure. My friends with dogs were always so gracious. either putting the dog out or kenneling them. It touched my hearttthat people would respect my dd that much and love her so much that they were willing to do what it took to have her over to play. So as a parent who knows people were inconvinienced by my dd irrational fear of dogs I just want to say how much I appreciate those that made sure she was not socially cast out because it was too difficult to deal with her.

if you can not or will not keep your dog clear from bethies line of vision I think it would be best to not have her at your house. It is not a comfortable place for her and sometimes there is just nothing you can do about that. Perhaps all the girls could go down to a common place while your dog stays at home. you mentioned a park in the original post, that sounds like a nice compromise.

for what it is worth my dd is 13 now. She tolerates dogs. it took about 10 years to get used to her friends dog. best dog in the world (luckily that dog is a super trooper and at the age of 15+ is still hanging in there being a total delight) but it is because in all that time my friend always took her fears seriously and took it as her burden to be a good hostess even to her smallest guest. not to mention Sir knows his place and will obey even infants (by 8 months his girl could tell him to sit and he would obey, maddee was about 14 months then and he would obey her too. she did not care.) and we even have a dog of our own. She liked my moms dogs which is weird because the chiuaua was a mean little thing.....but otherwise she is just not a dog person. And there are some that still just scare her. Most she will tolerate. she is rational enough now to trust that her friends wouldn't put her in the same room as a dangerous dog. but when she was 3. heck no.

[lilyka]

oh and when we have company I always kennel the dog until they tell us otherwise. She is not at all agressive but she is full of energy and love and that could hurt someone just as easily.