My kids dont listen to me!

[sabgau]

Ok so DD is 4 and Ds is 18 Mo. DD responds to everything with whining and drama, DS is all over the place and everthing is a tantrum with him. Between both of them its getting stressful. They dont listen to anything I say, if I ask them to stop doing something they jsut continue on like I dont exist.
Its gotten to the point where I have started yelling and this is not what I want to do.

with DD we never eally disciplined her coz she was our first one and we pretty much gave in to everything she said which I realize was a bad idea.
How can I instill some form of discipline? is there any book you recommend i can read?

[Starflower]

"Kids, Parents and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I love all of her books so far!

I borrowed "Scream Free Parenting" by Hal Rinkel from our library. He had some interesting points about getting kids to listen as well. I liked his philosophy, too.

IF I think of others I'll be back, but I need to tend to DD.

Good luck.

[EdnaMarie]

My favorite is "Adventures in Gentle Discipline."

I would also say that 18-month-olds don't generally listen too much regardless, so don't take it to heart. You're getting in there early with this one so don't feel bad when he doesn't listen, like it's a sign of things to come. It's not, it's just what 1.5 year olds DO.

[mommy2abigail]

I have a 4.5 year old and an 18 month old...I think it is par for the course. With the whining, I just tell her to use her strong voice in order for me to hear and understand her. Lather, rinse, repeat. And for the tantrums with the little one, I just mirror her feelings, try to give her words, and continue doing what needs to be done. So, if I tell her "E, lets go change your diaper!" Tantrum, throws herself on the floor, kicking and screaming. "I see you don't want to stop playing to change your diaper. How frustrating!" Pick her up and take her to the changing table. Kicking, screaming, crying, ect. "It's hard to stop your playing! You are SO MAD!!" Continue to change her diaper. No, it doesn't stop the tantrum, but I've come to realize, as hard as it is for me to see her upset, it is not my job to keep her happy all the time. It is only my job to respect what she is feeling. She NEEDS her diaper changed or she will get a rash, she NEEDS to be buckled into her carseat or she could get hurt, she NEEDS to sit down in her high chair or she could fall out, ect. She does NOT have to like it, and I don't feel like I have to make her like or enjoy it. I certainly try to make it as quick/painless/enjoyable as possible, but it's not my end goal. HTH