Oh, wow, Heidi.
Your kids are 3+ and one year old. You've got your hands full, but I can guarantee 100%
that the pressure you're under will let up a bit
in a couple of years. They will be a little more independent if only by virtue of the fact that they won't be toddlers anymore.
I know you've mentioned it before, but may I ask what meds you're taking?
|God protected him, but I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my kids.
I agree, caring for yourself so that you can better care for your kids is a good place to start when you're in trouble. It's a wake-up call. But what is even more effective is to care for yourself for your own sake.
It's harder to sustain that effort to care for yourself if you are doing it only for your kids. It's not that they aren't worth it. But you're worth it, too. Frankly, they'll be 'OK' with a mom who isn't running on all cylinders, they really will. But you won't! That's no way to live!! So, yes, get yourself to the doctor. Do what you need to do, for you. Besides, it's not either/or. If you care for yourself (truly, with affection), your kids will not suffer.
|class is OK, I got 100% credit for the first two weeks. I have major circular thinking going on about that. I do not believe for a second that I actually earned 100%, yet I am driven to make sure I continue to bust my cheekies to get another 100. And if I didn't earn it, than what is the point of taking the classes online? But if online classes are easier, than I must need to work extra exta hard to 'earn' my credit and actually learn something.
Hmmm. If the class is easy
(so far), then it's logical that you legitimately earned
that 100%, right? I mean, you are a smart gal, you could have earned 100% with a harder class, too. So don't minimize your accomplishment. You earned it, you really did.
Sometimes people, especially we depressed female-types, tend to slap down any sense of pride, tend to minimize and even punish ourselves as if to say, don't you dare be happy!
Don't let that self-flagellating punisher in your head take away your accomplishments.
Change is scary, even when it's change for the better. For me at least, it's easier
to stay depressed. It's comfortable. What will happen to me if I do something that makes me happy? I might fail some how! I might look foolish. These are some of my fears anyway.
So if I manage to pull off a successful Thanksgiving Dinner, that night in bed I will make a huge long list of everything that went wrong, every reason to minimize my success.
It's hard work, countering that negative self-talk. It's continual.