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ADD Support Thread *THREE* - Page 6

post #101 of 284
Got an appointment for December 9th!

Now I just need to write out what's wrong....
post #102 of 284
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
Got an appointment for December 9th!

Now I just need to write out what's wrong....
Mazel tov! I hope it helps!
post #103 of 284
How is everyone doing?
post #104 of 284
this last week has been awful. ds was sick with the croup and i missed every single day of work. i am feeling pretty stessed about money but it should all work out (although i wont be paying off any of the $1000 i owe my parents).

my ex dp has been sort of helpful with ds, kind of. although he is behind on his cs. but he has decided that he wants to work on our relationship in hope that we may move back in together in a year or so. not quite what i had in mind but its hard to not feel tempted when he says i could be a stay at home mom, or go to school ft and he wont mind if i dont get any cleaning done. i think he is just lonely right now though.

thanksgiving is becoming an issue. my mom has not invited ex dp over and ex dp wants to spend the whole day with ds and i and his feelings were really hurt that he wasnt welcomed at my parents house. i think maybe ds and i will just stay home and people can come to us if they want to see him. i would like to just enjoy a day off at home and not have to feel pulled in a ton of different directions.

i started ritalin today. i dont feel any difference at all so far. well, i guess i was able to write out this post, thats pretty good. usually i cant even imagine processing the thoughts to do that. but i am at work right now so thats not so good.

i am still not sure about starting online classes in the spring. maybe i will take just one. seems like a waste of time, i really feel like i will just end up dropping it halfway through the semester. what are some things that help you stay motivated through an online class? if its too easy i will blow it off and if its too challenging i will also blow it off! plus, its online and i am so distracted online!

back to work!
post #105 of 284
Oh KristineKristine! I am so sorry things are yucky for you right now! I hope the Ritalin does you some good. It was so long ago that I used it, I can't rememeber most of what it was like!

And again I am no help in the classes department. I have no idea how I get anyhting done at all. I waste a lot of time for sure. Time gathering my thoughts before I can start....
post #106 of 284
I am not good, guys....


anyone around?
post #107 of 284
hey im at work but if you send me a message i'll read and respond on my lunch in a few hours.
post #108 of 284
I'm here, been meaning to post but...how are things? You ok Heidi?

I am still awaiting my referral from 2.5 weeks ago. So I need to call and find out why it's taking so long. I've almost forgotten why I was so gung ho! I did complete some tasks that I was putting off so that made me feel good. And I checked out a bunch of books from the library so that is keeping me entertained.

Gotta go...kids!
post #109 of 284
Well Dh has invited his family over for Thanksgiving. I really don't like family gatherings. Just thinking about all the cleaning and cooking I'm going to have to do is making me stressed and anxious already. Not to mention, we have a very clever rat(s) somewhere in this house and he hasn't been fooled by my glue traps. Right now I'd like to get on a plane and fly to CA or Miami and get very far away from here. If I were to tell Dh to cancel with his family, he'd be very upset so I'm trying to do this for him and the kid's sake. R, my 10 year old has ADD and he is just like me when people come over. He gets embarassed and starts trying to clean quickly. I feel like crying because I hates that he feels like that. I hate that I feel like that.
post #110 of 284
Thread Starter 
Heidi - been thinking about you. Family stuff?
post #111 of 284
Heidi, tell us what's going on! --How is that online class??

This is a stressful time, isn't it??

I'm hosting Thanksgiving dinner as well, and didn't get done near what I wanted to get done by this point. I'm trying very hard not to give myself a hard time about it, because I know it doesn't help. Panicking doesn't help. I'm the youngest, and it's my side of the family coming over, so there's that whole baby of the family dynamic, too. I feel very self conscious about the state of the house.

It's notable that a few months ago I chose to take less of the lamictal. So I noticed some improvement in some ways. My libido improved, at least! I'm laughing more. Believe it or not, my face is more expressive than when I was taking a higher dose of lamictal. But motivation to prepare for this dinner evaporated. That stubborn, defiant imp took over instead.

Ritalin doesn't work well enough for me. It just makes me feel like I'm strung out on caffeine, it's very unpleasant. The little bit of focus isn't worth it.
post #112 of 284
Hi.

First, thanks for weighing in, and I didn't mean to dissappear. I realised what time it was, and needed to just get off the computer.

cody'smamma, I hope you hear about your referral soon.

lilmamibella, gack! about the rat! hope you find it soon! ITU about having people over, and about seeing your Ds nervously cleaning...that'll be Milo in a few years, I'm sure.

Hi Smee- no not really family stuff...well, not DH stuff at any rate. Just life.

journeymom- just about T-day... I have been there so many times, over so many different situations and it really gets old old old after a while. The stubborn defiant imp wreaks havoc here too. I really love the Holidays, but I am feeling intnsly lonely right now, because I miss my family. Having DH's super judgemental parents as the only close by ones does not help.


me- I need to see the counselor because I am depressed. I thought I was OK, but I realised I'm not 'not-sad', I'm numb. I see the kids getting into stuff they shouldn't and just sit there w/o the energy to get off my behind and do something about it. It took Henry getting up on the counter twice and eating a package of homeopathic cold remedy tablets to figure out that I needed to get a lockbox to store all the vitamins in. I mean, what would have happened had that been my iron pills? He could have died! And I can't even make myself feel anything about that. God protected him, but I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my kids.

There is just a lot going on right now, and most of it is not new. I cannot deal with it all. I can't keep that many plates spinning.

I find myself just waiting for each day to be over. What kind of way is that to raise kids?

class is OK, I got 100% credit for the first two weeks. I have major circular thinking going on about that. I do not believe for a econd that I actually earned 100%, yet I am driven to make sure I continue to bust my cheekies to get another 100. And if I didn't earn it, than what is the point of taking the classes online? But if online classes are easier, than I must need to work extra exta hard to 'earn' my credit and actually learn something.

post #113 of 284
Oh, wow, Heidi.

Your kids are 3+ and one year old. You've got your hands full, but I can guarantee 100% that the pressure you're under will let up a bit in a couple of years. They will be a little more independent if only by virtue of the fact that they won't be toddlers anymore.

I know you've mentioned it before, but may I ask what meds you're taking?

Quote:
God protected him, but I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my kids.
I agree, caring for yourself so that you can better care for your kids is a good place to start when you're in trouble. It's a wake-up call. But what is even more effective is to care for yourself for your own sake. It's harder to sustain that effort to care for yourself if you are doing it only for your kids. It's not that they aren't worth it. But you're worth it, too. Frankly, they'll be 'OK' with a mom who isn't running on all cylinders, they really will. But you won't! That's no way to live!! So, yes, get yourself to the doctor. Do what you need to do, for you. Besides, it's not either/or. If you care for yourself (truly, with affection), your kids will not suffer.

Quote:
class is OK, I got 100% credit for the first two weeks. I have major circular thinking going on about that. I do not believe for a second that I actually earned 100%, yet I am driven to make sure I continue to bust my cheekies to get another 100. And if I didn't earn it, than what is the point of taking the classes online? But if online classes are easier, than I must need to work extra exta hard to 'earn' my credit and actually learn something.
Hmmm. If the class is easy (so far), then it's logical that you legitimately earned that 100%, right? I mean, you are a smart gal, you could have earned 100% with a harder class, too. So don't minimize your accomplishment. You earned it, you really did.

Sometimes people, especially we depressed female-types, tend to slap down any sense of pride, tend to minimize and even punish ourselves as if to say, don't you dare be happy! Don't let that self-flagellating punisher in your head take away your accomplishments.

Change is scary, even when it's change for the better. For me at least, it's easier to stay depressed. It's comfortable. What will happen to me if I do something that makes me happy? I might fail some how! I might look foolish. These are some of my fears anyway.

So if I manage to pull off a successful Thanksgiving Dinner, that night in bed I will make a huge long list of everything that went wrong, every reason to minimize my success.

It's hard work, countering that negative self-talk. It's continual.
post #114 of 284
Thread Starter 
Journeymom, very very wise. Heidi, I totally : everything she said.

And . Let me know about the 9th.
post #115 of 284
Smee- I totally need you for the ninth. I'll call you with details.

journeymom-
Quote:
I know you've mentioned it before, but may I ask what meds you're taking?
I'm not...

Quote:
Do what you need to do, for you.
I know. But there are so many people that NEED me, YK? It seems like every time I try to do something for me, people start flipping out and needing special attention.
Quote:
But what is even more effective is to care for yourself for your own sake.
I think I have finally figured this out.

Quote:
It's hard work, countering that negative self-talk. It's continual.
sigh... I KNOW this- but I can't stop doing it. I can and have earned 100% on much tougher classes.

I am taking classes for me. I am going to counselling for me. I need chemicals to live any sort of productive life.

Thanks for your post, I'm going to print it out so I can re-read it.

I am tired of counseling myself. I am tired of talking about myself. It needs to keep happening, though and it's going to be a Hurculean effort to get any of this out in the counsellor's office.

I. Am. Going. To. Go. I will. Woe betide anyone or anything that stands in my way!
post #116 of 284
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
I'm not...
Oops, sorry! You are still nursing, right? Frequently or not?

Honestly, in my opinion, your response to the incident with your son getting into the supplements makes this an urgent situation. Yes, locking up the bottles fixed that specific situation. But with two small children who are both getting more and more mobile, you need to be on top of it.

My experience: medication helped me get the situation in hand (when my son happened to be 3 years old, ha!). There wasn't any way I was going to be able to talk myself out of that hole.

Quote:
I need chemicals to live any sort of productive life.
Describe why this is negative to you.

Negative self talk:
Quote:
sigh... I KNOW this- but I can't stop doing it.
This is pretty common. In my experience the medication helped me get a handle on intrusive thoughts. Only just. I still struggle with it, and that's where my therapy is really helping. But seriously, the therapy would have been useless if I didn't have the medication (antidepressant and mood stabilizer, in my case) to help me focus long enough.

Quote:
I am taking classes for me. I am going to counselling for me.
Excellent!!

Quote:
I am tired of counseling myself. I am tired of talking about myself.
You're tired, Heidi!! Understandably so! In my experience, mothering toddlers and preschoolers was the hardest time of my life. Sublimely wonderful, too. But absolutely that was the darkest time in my life.

Quote:
It needs to keep happening, though and it's going to be a Hurculean effort to get any of this out in the counsellor's office.
Describe, why will it be a big effort?

Quote:
I. Am. Going. To. Go. I will. Woe betide anyone or anything that stands in my way!
That's it!
post #117 of 284
Thread Starter 
Heidi, it won't be as difficult as you might think. You know why? Because your boys will be safe and having fun at home, and you'll get the rare and wonderful opportunity to talk about yourself for a bit with someone who wants to help you. That's really, really cool.

If you have to have medication, so be it. If you had to medicate yourself to nurse, you would, right? Because it matters. There is no more negative connotation to that than there is to this.

And yes, you will go. Even if I have to kick your butt out the door.
post #118 of 284
Heidi,
Do you have help to watch your little ones while you go to counseling?
I know this is a huge challenge for me. My husband can do this sometimes, but then I have to choose between having some 'free time' for drs appointments or 'free time' for me, and at times I'm not sure which one I need more. I hope Sara's update means that hurdle is one that is already cleared. (yea!)
Dr Hale also has a new website and there might be more information on ADD meds. I forget how little you nursling is, but there seem to be a few options and some results that show that many meds are not going to effect the baby (but again, that is all so personal). I can probably look it up. A friend posted it to her facebook.
I'm going to try a new medication for a couple weeks to see if I see any results from it... and then I'll probably weigh taking it over waiting for my dd to wean. Uugh.
I was surprised at my last drs appointment he said that studies show that ADD meds are about 90% effective. I was really quite amazed by that statistic (skeptical) but it did bring me some hope that maybe it is worth spending the time to figure out the right meds. That said, I'm not sure this counselor is really 'right' for me and I still have to ponder on that one.
I'm also wanting to check out group coaching or another type of class through addclasses.com, but having a hard time figuring out if I can work in the times.

My dh was a pita this week, getting on my case about me being disorganized in a very rude way. He was just tired, and I told him to knock it off, but it is really aggravating to me anyways. And I need to ask him to do stuff to help me out, which he makes a huge deal of (he gets overwhelmed, so he groans and moans about it, but everytime he's with the kids he actually does fine/has fun), he tries to get out of, and then when he's done he acts like he needs a medal and a week off.
I just would rather do it all myself than deal with that baggage. And that's my sticking point right now. Argh. Frustrating. And it has been the spot I get stuck at for ever (not just dh but asking for help with anyone/thing). Except that knowing I have add doesn't really make it any simpler.
gotta go.... take care everyone
Jessica
post #119 of 284
Ok, here we go.

journeymom-
Quote:
In my experience, mothering toddlers and preschoolers was the hardest time of my life. Sublimely wonderful, too. But absolutely that was the darkest time in my life.
Thank you for this. I neede permission to feel this way. I want to just be able to enjoy my boys, and I fell like I am not being present enough.

It will be difficult to get any of this out for alot of reasons. 1. I have ADD, adn I am exhausted. I'm not exactly at optimal functioning right now, YK? 2. I get there and I will eithershut down, or I won't be able to shut up. 3. I am afraid that if anyone really knows how crappy I am as a housekeeper, cps will come and get my kids. I have to go open myself up to a whole nother human, and risk rejection! I don;t know this person! I don't know if she's a good doctor or a crap one. oh, and I hate doctors. forgot to mention that.

negative needing chemicals thing- sigh... I should be able to do this without help right? I mean that's what everyone else is doing. not you guys, I mean, but all of the other mommas around me do just fine! Darnit, why do we not talkm more about how hard it is to be a momma? I know that the five other moms in my church specifically can't be having as peachy-easy time as they act like!

as far as meds go, I need to be on meds, even if it means weaning. There, I said it. I am crying crap crap..... I had a nursing goal of 2 years this time, and Milo has gone from baby to 1 year old so fast I feel like I wasn't even there. My nipples are so bad with psoriasis right now, I don't even want to nurse. My self esteem is so low right now, and that's not normal for me.
Thank you thank you for your thoughts and your kind words! I know it's not possible to show here, but I am sincerely grateful.


Quote:
And yes, you will go. Even if I have to kick your butt out the door.
thanks smee! I am counting on it!

jess- I am sorry your DH was a pain this week. I know what its like to desperatly need support and be torn down instead. My DH is getting better, actually. We have had a good weekend, too.

I hope that this counsellor works well with you, and that the meds are as helpful as he says. hopefully things will be looking up for you soon.
post #120 of 284
Heidi,
You really might be able to find a med that is compatible.... and if your little one is eating some solids, too... well, you might feel more comfortable. I've read of some people timing the medicine to help out too (not sure if that is at all possible). Of course, not always the case, but just more possibilities than I assumed.
And if you need to wean, we (well, I'm pretty sure I can speak for everyone here) will have tears and hugs for you and support you in that, too.

Here's the Hale searchable database: http://neonatal.ttuhsc.edu/lact/medi...orumspage.html
I scanned a few things (SSRI, depression meds, and ADD/ADHD) and was surprised at how many of the drugs were compatible with breastfeeding. Still, I can't help but feel guilty and nervous about it... I'm doing babysteps before I'm making any long-term decision. Dr starts out on a very low dose. I trialed one for 10 days (should have been 2 weeks, but gave up after 10 days of headaches)... will trial another one this week probably for 14 days. Then, if that one seems to work, I'll take the next step and make a further decision. I guess thinking it as a trial has helped me.

And so much of what you are saying resonates. This all really sucks because it is just such a spiral. And it is so easy to slip back and be too tired/demoralized to just dust off and try, again. But then again, there is a lot of incentive to try (any?)thing till something works. ((hugs))

Jessica
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