ADD Support Thread *THREE* - Page 2

[jessjgh1]

I'm not really sure how the whole counseling thing works quite yet. For me, it started to get a formal diagnosis, and that part just finished. Unfortunatly I have not been able to go to many appts since then (longer story).
My doctor is trying to give me ideas to work on to help me manage the ADD. I have an ADD workbook that he recommended and it does seem like it will be useful.
For examples, it gives concrete strategies to help with general organization- starting an appointment book (or calendar) and having one to-do list, prioritizing it, thinking of your long term goals, breaking things down into pieces.
This is the book he recommended: Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program Client Workbook (Treatments That Work) Steven Safren and other authors
I'm actually looking into coaching too and have subscribed (I think it was $17.00/month) to ADD Classes and have downloaded many of the classes to listen to.
I actually think the coaching would be a little more helpful for me because I like the idea of easier access- I could email a coach a quick question or check in on the phone, but it seems more formal with my therapist, so I'm going weeks/month between appointments. There are individual and group coaching (less expensive) programs. And you can have a virtual coach online or look for one that you can meet face to face with.
The site I found is: http://www.addclasses.com/ although I think I found it off of another site that had some good stuff too.
They have online bookclubs, bootcamps, and support groups, the recorded classes and probably much more.
As with everything, finding someone you work well with is probably most important.
Jessica

[journeymom]

Jessica, that ADHD workbook looks very interesting. Is it something you can use by yourself or is it in conjunction with a therapist?

[jessjgh1]

You are supposed to use it with a therapist, but I think it could work well to use it. I think it also recommends asking a partner (or selected other person) to go through it with you. I say I think, because my husband is going through it with me, but I can't remember if the book suggested that or my doctor though it woud be a good idea.

I think using it with a coach would also be fine. I'm not far enough into the book to really know if the main reason to use it with a therapist is for the accountability factor.

Jessica

[heidirk]

jess, and journeymom- Those are very interesting things you're doing! I am very intrigued by the workbook. I wonder though, I do make lists, and if I'm completely neurotic about them (like lists OF lists ) they do work- for a short time.

Did I tell you all about the certified organizer lady I met at the library? She said that they actually went through specific training on how to coach people who have ADD/ADHD!!! I kept saying things like, "Yeah, I have an organizer/zipper thingy" and she'd interrupt me to ask, "and does it work for you?" (no!) "Then I tried a calendar for on my fridge-" "and did that work?" (umm- no!)

Oh how I wish I had the money to hire her!

Journymom, you said,
"The thing is, I've been doing a lot of self therapy my whole life. I've been observing myself interacting with the world, and wondering why I am the way I am. What does it mean about me that I did this just now? "

And I just went because when my sister told me abut CBT, I laughed hysterically and told her I'd been doing that my whole life!

would you mind telling me what mood stabiliser you are taking?

[heidirk]

yes, its me again.

I have drafted a list of rules which I will be posting on my front door.

HOUSE RULES:

1- in this house, priority is given to the smallest and least capable.

2- if you either have ADD yourself, live with someone who does, have ever answered the door while nursing your baby, or frequently need to wash dishes before you can eat or cook, disregard the rest of these rules and come on in!

3- upon entering my house, you will be greeted with a look of sheer terror. I will begin nervously cleaning around you.

4- You will be offered coffee or tea, but you will have to wait while I wash a spoon and mug.

5- do not under any circumstances ask to use my bathroom. There is Turkey Hill across the street.

6- do not expect to have anywhere to sit.

7- yes, the piles of laundry on the couch are clean.

8- no, no one has ever gotten sick from my cooking.

9- please understand, I love you, but I hate having visitors. Next time you visit, please give me a week's notice, and call ahead before you leave your house. (*If you have ADD, or mommy brain, and read the list anyway, rule 9 excludes you, please feel free to drop by anytime!)

Thank you.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by heidirk

yes, its me again.

I have drafted a list of rules which I will be posting on my front door.

HOUSE RULES:

1- in this house, priority is given to the smallest and least capable.

2- if you either have ADD yourself, live with someone who does, have ever answered the door while nursing your baby, or frequently need to wash dishes before you can eat or cook, disregard the rest of these rules and come on in!

3- upon entering my house, you will be greeted with a look of sheer terror. I will begin nervously cleaning around you.

4- You will be offered coffee or tea, but you will have to wait while I wash a spoon and mug.

5- do not under any circumstances ask to use my bathroom. There is Turkey Hill across the street.

6- do not expect to have anywhere to sit.

7- yes, the piles of laundry on the couch are clean.

8- no, no one has ever gotten sick from my cooking.

9- please understand, I love you, but I hate having visitors. Next time you visit, please give me a week's notice, and call ahead before you leave your house. (*If you have ADD, or mommy brain, and read the list anyway, rule 9 excludes you, please feel free to drop by anytime!)

Thank you.

Awesome rules! I clean around people, too.

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur. DS has spent the whole morning screaming and whining, and the dog keeps trying to take his food. All I want to do is sleep!

*waiting for DH to get home*

[journeymom]

Heidi, those are wonderful! I will begin nervously cleaning around you. That's totally me. They're all me.

My current mood stabilizer is Lamictal. I've been on it for almost three years. Just a month ago I cut back the dosage. I was feeling like the medication was working too well, now.

1) My kids are 14 and 10 y.o. and are less challenging than when they were little. 2) I'm better at this mothering thing than I used to be. 3) the medication calmed me down enough that I learned how I can behave when I'm not a whirling vortex of anxiety, so I want to see if I can do that on my own, without as much of the medication.

So far so good, though I had a bout of "I'm a horrible mother, my kids are growing up and I still haven't done this and that for them and I'm a big loser" insomnia last night. I haven't had that kind of lying in bed, trying to go to sleep anxiety in a while.

Without as much medication I can laugh a little more, I actually have more expression on my face. I'm a little more irritable, but not unbearably so.

Prior to the Lamictal I took Depakote. It's was even more effective, I guess. I loved it, because I started it when I was in a very dark place, just full of anxiety. It's like a blunt instrument while the Lamictal is more nuanced and precise. I switched from the Depakote to the Lamictal when I felt capable of allowing some real emotions back in.

It's like Depakot was the valve to the water main to the whole house. I shut off the water to the whole house, and it was an enormous relief to be out of the flood. Lamictal controls the water faucets in the house, and some can be open and flowing while others are off. I'm not afraid of being flooded anymore, so I can have the water main back on.

I'll be especially vigilant come January and February when I tend to get very depressed. We'll see what happens. I just want to take as little medication as I can.

===============

Edited to add:

Mopped the entry way/dining room floor yesterday! It's a big expanse of laminate floor. It's always been a drag to mop with the sponge roller mop because it always leaves streaks. You look at it and think, well, at least you can tell she cleaned it.

But I finally picked up one of those rectangular, wide, flat terry-cloth mops. I found some Method floor cleaner on clearance and used them together. The mop is perfect for that stupid floor. It leaves hardly any streaks! It looks clean, not cleaned.

I tell you, though, that floor is a bear to clean, even with the nifty mop. It's just so big. No wonder I never get around to it. Maybe because I add an extra step, and use the Swiffer after I sweep, before I mop.

The Method floor cleaning stuff says it's almond-scented. It smells like baby powder to me.

=============

PS, Heidi, what's Turkey Hill?

May I copy your house rules?

[jessjgh1]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur.

Sara, my husband is Jewish and I, at one point, wanted to try to do many of the Jewish holidays and customs. I have been too overwhelmed and intimidated to do it, although I did manage to do shabbot often and then after the kids I had been doing it at least monthly, although somehow that has totally slacked off... wow how does that happen?
Plus my husband doesn't really want to 'help', so my incentive is stifled. I mean he'd LOVE it if I did things, but he can't even tell me the basics of what I should do and isn't one to help (or do something himself), so I'd have to read a book, remember it all, try to adapt it to what we could do, and follow a guideline of some sort (or my own list) and go all off in trying not to do too much/be overwhelmed. Not working for me... but I DO oddly feel better relating this to having ADD and realizing its not 'just' me being silly.

Anyways, I was thinking about how the holidays and especially a weekly shabbot would sure mean a lot of planning and preparations for those that are Jewish. I guess that might either be a good learning /practice experience to help someone (with ADD) 'learn' some planning organizing.... or just a constant source of stress/frustration. I was thinking the first, but now really thinking of it and remembering how hard it was for our family to be 'on time' when we went to church weekly, I could see it being #2. And the fact that the calendar is soo different I find is really confusing.
Oh, I remember those times where I realized we didn't have any wine, but I had planned a whole nice shabbot meal. So we improvised with juice. I have actually gone to the grocery store to pick up things for Passover only to discover that almost everything had sold out. And when Hanukkah falls weeks before Christmas I am sooo surprised. So it is probably a good thing that my dh's relatives that are Jewish are all very laid back and my dh doesn't really mind.
As for my family/traditions, I'm always figuring out gifts and gift giving at the last minute, and always up till late the night before Christmas wrapping presents. But I do feel a certain increased discomfort because the Jewish traditions are ones I'm not 'used' to

Anyways, a ramble.... Hope you feel better!
L'shona tova

Jessica

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Awesome rules! I clean around people, too.

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur. DS has spent the whole morning screaming and whining, and the dog keeps trying to take his food. All I want to do is sleep!

*waiting for DH to get home*

I hope your cold gets better! I hope Toby gets happier! ITU about waiting for DH to come home. I may complain about mine but I seem to spend an awful lot of time waiting for him to be home!

you know all about my rules! you've been here!


journeymom- way to go on the floor. The method stuff doesn't do so well on old vinyl. it did work really well to clean the toddler potty tho'

The Lamictal sounds ideal...I rarely get into a place I can't CBT my way out of, but I get SO distracted by what I feel, that it'd be nice to have a 'valve' for each 'faucet' , YK? and to you that you've made it till your dc's are 10 and 14!!!! I'll either have killed mine, or died from exhaustion myself at that point.

You are welcome to my rules! And Turkey Hill is a gas station/convenience store that magically appear about every 100 yards while driving in Lancaster County.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by heidirk

The Lamictal sounds ideal...I rarely get into a place I can't CBT my way out of, but I get SO distracted by what I feel, that it'd be nice to have a 'valve' for each 'faucet' , YK? and to you that you've made it till your dc's are 10 and 14!!!! I'll either have killed mine, or died from exhaustion myself at that point.

Oh! I didn't make it clear. I started the depakote when my son was 3 years old and my daughter was 7 y.o. We had just moved to this bigger house and my son was, well, very challenging. I sought help when I found myself spanking the kids more and more often, and was angry all the time and was definitely on my way to a spot on the evening news. So I've been taking a mood stabilizer for seven years.

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by journeymom

Oh! I didn't make it clear. I started the depakote when my son was 3 years old and my daughter was 7 y.o. We had just moved to this bigger house and my son was, well, very challenging. I sought help when I found myself spanking the kids more and more often, and was angry all the time and was definitely on my way to a spot on the evening news. So I've been taking a mood stabilizer for seven years.

no that was me! I understood you! I meant that you're still a momma and your kids survived! I just wonder sometimes how things will be when my dc's are that old, and if my house will be burried under a pile of junk by then!
I think I tend to have more anger problems because of my anxiety, too, so I totally understand.

[journeymom]

and if my house will be burried under a pile of junk by then!

Well, I have never put either of my kids' baby photos in albums. I've never put ANY of our photos in albums. So I've got 17 years of marriage, 14 years of parenthood, piled in boxes in the hall closet.

And yes, piles of paperwork that started when we moved 7 years ago. And one box in the garage stuffed with papers from before we moved. I just grabbed the stack, dumped it in the box and shoved it in the moving van.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by journeymom

and if my house will be burried under a pile of junk by then!

Well, I have never put either of my kids' baby photos in albums. I've never put ANY of our photos in albums. So I've got 17 years of marriage, 14 years of parenthood, piled in boxes in the hall closet.

And yes, piles of paperwork that started when we moved 7 years ago. And one box in the garage stuffed with papers from before we moved. I just grabbed the stack, dumped it in the box and shoved it in the moving van.

Check out this site. When I saw it in the WSJ, I scoffed, but I thought - wow. That would take all those photos I keep putting off scanning and make sure they don't sit around for another 20 years..................

[jessjgh1]

There's Scan Cafe, too. For comparison.

[heidirk]

we've designated fall as getr id of stuff time.


we'll see how much we get done.


does anyone else experience the phenomenon where when time is of the essence and YOU kick it into high gear to get stuff doen, veryone else slows to a crawl?

This happens with DH so much...am I in hyper speed? or is he really just slowing way down?

[heidirk]

is anybody around?

[applecider]

Hello all, I may have posted on one of these thread at some point, but I don't remember! I've suspected for a LONG time that I have ADD. Like 10 years. But I've never been diagnosed. Well, I am currently at the end of my rope (again). There are just so many problems in my life related to this that I feel like I'm fed up and it's time to do something about it. My relationship is rocky, I am not being the parent I would like to be and I am just SO overwhelmed with life I feel like I just can't function anymore. I've taken many online "tests" that "diagnose" and each time it's clear that what is going on in my head is NOT normal.

So my questions have to do with diagnosis. How does one go about getting that? I have very basic state health insurance. I don't really have a "doctor" that knows me. Also, what are the benefits to getting diagnosed? I am SO reluctant to go on meds. I always said I wouldn't go on meds for depression, mental health, whatever but I'm at the point where I think my family deserves to have a healthy, stable person in their lives.

Also, if you were recently diagnosed, did that help the people in your family understand you more? DP gets so frustrated with me and my messy, crazy ways. He just doesn't understand how I can do (or not do) some of the things I do. He's very structured, very black and white. So are his parents. I just don't function that way, but I feel like I want to. It seems so pleasant and stress-free. I dream about everything being all organized and a nice, structured routine day and each morning I wake up with such high hopes. But then the 4yo is asking a million questions and wants to do everything himself and the 10mo is whining and crying and I just about go nuts. I yell WAY too often. I'm harsh WAY too often. I just hope I haven't messed up my kids too much yet

I just want my brain to STOP!! Stop thinking!! Enough already!! I have lists upon lists upon lists in my head and on paper and that still doesn't stop the thinking. It's all I can do to just get through the day and do the bare minimum. I feel like I am just hanging on by a thread.

Sorry to barge in here like this but I just can't take anymore. Clearly I need to do more journaling! So my question is this...how do you get diagnosed, what are the advantages to being diagnosed, what can I do to help that is not medication or do you strongly suggest it even if just for a little while? Thanks ladies.

[heidirk]

Cody'smomma- First, you're not barging, and even if you were, we'd understand!
Second I have BTDT way too many times. Especilly the losing it and being harsh and then wondering who that person just was.

And you are so right, your babies need a healthy momma NOW. As far as going about getting a diagnoses, if you have a PPO plan, or a plan that allows you to just go see a specialist, then google psychiatrists in your area, and call a few. It's kind of like diving off the high dive, you have to just DO it. If you can fnd one that has a specialty in women or in ADD/ADHD or Autism spectrum disorders, all the better. If you need a referal, agin, make an appointment with a PCP and ask for a referral. Write your most bothersome, or typical syptoms down and take them along.

My diagnoses has only been helpful to me, so far.

I tried Ritalin and the side efects were awful. I have realized recently though, that I cannot keep avoiding meds...so I will be making appointments soon, myself.

Just know that you are not the only one who is facing this decision right now. For a very long time I have gotten by on vitamins and herbs, and on making ure got the rest I needed. But I can't get the rest I need as momma. And I am having to add more vitamins, and other things as my 'therapies' are losing their effect.

A diagnoses can aid in getting your insurance top cover counselling, which IMHO is one of the best tools for living happily as a 'compulsive thinker'.
I also need someone to talk to about the trash in my head, and DH can't be my therapist.

[smeisnotapirate]

Hey, cody'smomma! Another compulsive thinker here. I barely cope with it, and haven't been diagnosed, so Heidi's advice is much better than anything I could tell you. Just offering hugs and commiseration.

everyone! We've been pretty quiet....

[pookel]

"Compulsive thinker"! I like it.

Even if you're not going to take drugs, I think a diagnosis is really useful. It helps just to have someone else confirm what you think is going on, you know? It's also useful if your kids start showing some of the same symptoms.

I totally feel you on the list-making thing. I make great lists. Lovely, wonderful plans for things to do. The actual things .... don't so much get done.