I so hear you cody'smomma. My dh would LURVE a schedule like that and I would shrivel up at the thought. EGADS! We actually had a very similar thing happen, too., but I started the conversation talked about a very very loose schedule. I still don't think he 'got' it but I was VERY vocal about how I hate schedules and coudln't believe that I was going to try one. (hmm, haven't really been doing it much lately :rollseyes)
I really feel like for some people ADHD has the biggest impact on managing relationships, communication and the kind of couples conflicts you are referring to. I can't blame all my communication problems with ADD but I am starting to see how it makes things more challenging. I mean, it's kinda hard to communicate somethign with others when I don't even know the answers for myself.
Of course, no one can say what is too much or when is too much, but maybe knowing that some of the challenges are likely linked to ADHD might help- at least I feel like for me that might mean I can learn to manage my communications to function better. I really have just started looking for helpful resources so I wish I had something to suggest. Maybe I'll stumble across something useful, but right now I'm plugging away.
I've only started to learn that there are so many things that I let bother me about dh that doesn't bother him AT ALL, so I waste a lot of energy thinking he is mad or annoyed at me, and he isn't. Maybe he was angry or annoyed, but his angst usually lasts about 30 minutes and then he's done (99% or the time). I however, would carry that yucky feeling with me for days. It is not easy to unlearn stuff like this. The problem related to ADD is that I can't even put my own feelings to words, certainly can't express them to him. If I try to talk about things I muddle everything up and focus on the wrong things and nothing gets resolved. It becomes really hard to talk about things when I'm emotional about them, and almost as hard later on because I'm thinking too much about it (what I said, he said, what I meant, what I should have said, what he might have interpreted, how hard it is going to be to talk about it, any time something similar happened etc.). I give up before I even explore how _I_ feel about it.
Anyways, if I do have some time to process stuff and think about stuff, I usually find that I have over reacted, I havn't communicated anythign specific to dh, and he's not aware or he's done with the issue. If I'm still effected, than I need to fix it myself or involve him and at this point I sometimes still see the challenges- either not being sure how to communicate or not wanting to manage the steps I need to take to communicate with dh (so thus the I'll take care of it myself because it is easier than getting someone else to do it). Now someone w/o ADD might not have to deal with all these extra points that get me stuck. At least that's my theory.
I suppose some people are partnered with someone who takes more initiative or is helpful- I can wish that my husband was this way, but he isn't- he wants/needs me to talk clearly, let me know my thoughts, and even give him a clear demand. I just have not learned to communicate that way.