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Originally Posted by crunchy_mama  We really have been working on this forever, but seemed to be making little headway. While my gifts of food for the guys and kids pictures for the grandparents have went over well anything else I have tried to make has not went over at all. The very nice and really out of our budget wooden trainset we bought our nephew- was seen as horrible. The cool kids game we got our niece was thrown to the side. I am really, really, really, really sick of it. I am tired of not having time to even do our own family traditions.
There is this expectation that we get together at my parent's before C-mas so we have time to exchange gifts and then go back over for Christmas dinner- because how could we not. Then there is the Christmas Eve celebration w/ dh's dad side where gifts are exchanged and then the ALL afternoon-night Christmas extravaganza at Dh's parent's house which literally takes hours upon hours(there is literally an intermission in opening gifts as it takes so long) as everyone has to get everyone else gifts and not just one thing but multiple things(so no matter what we get we are freaks because we only get 1 thing per person).
I am just sick and tired of it all. We have tried pulling back and scaling back, but it seems to do little good. I am so tired of the stress of not getting good enough things. I want to start doing this on our terms. Now on my side it isn't bad on the gifts front, because there is only an expectation to buy for the kids(2), but alll in all the number of gifts for dh's family there are 16 people we are supposed to buy for- I cannot and willnot do it again.
We don't get each other anything at all and then most years the money spent on the other kids is more than that spent on my kids, how crazy is that! I don't want to go crazy spending insane amounts buying gifts for the kids or dh, that is so not my thing. But by golly I would like to be able to buy the kids something. I want to be able to get dh something if I find something he would like.
What I would like to do is to continue making candy, because I do actually- generally enjoy that, but not have to make so many batches trying to make sure there is so much for everyone. Instead I want to make single batches of everything(except turtles of course) and then just leave them to be communal. I enjoy giving pics of the kids to the grandkids- that is not a stress to me- I will continue that. My brother's kids are not too bad to buy for but the in-laws kids get so much stuff and live so differently I don't think we can get them anything to suit them and then I am mad at the time and effort. I think we might just switch that to cash.
I still don't know how I want to manage our time, I just know that I am tired of running. I am tired of the only time we have for Christmas being a few hours Christmas morning and then by the time we get home in the evening it is so passed out bedtime we are exhausted. I am tired of really *trying* to get people(or make) something they will like and then still being seen as a cheapskate- if that is what they will think anyway, why am I bothering? Unless I am able to start spending $100+ per person they will likely think that we just cannot afford anything good enough.
It really hit me when I was looking over the budget trying to think how much I could afford for everyone. I am spending all this money and energy on these people and they don't appreciate it one lick, while my own kids and dh there is hardly none left over. It is the same with our time, there is none leftover. I am tired of the guilt trips. We are supposed to put all the energy into visiting my family but they refuse to visit us(unless it is a b-day party in which they would look bad to everyone for not showing up).
Like I said I still don't know how the heck we will manage our time for Christmas but I know what we are doing for gifts.
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you sound like you need a hug after reading that! i would switch to gift cards instead of taking all that time and energy, and let them spend it on what they want to.....and i would do modest amounts to boot and let them deal.
just find out what stores they frequent and get the g.c. there.
as my own kids and our nieces are getting older, we've started getting them itunes gift cards for their ipods (which they LOVE), and then maybe a board game or something they need. the nephews are all babies/toddlers so they are really easy. we only have each other, our 2 kids, 6 nieces/nephews, and our parents to buy for.....and our parents usually get photos of the kids. i bargain shop like crazy for gifts though.....i like to give nice things, but i hate to pay for them! lol!
i also bake for our siblings/adults as i just hate to show up empty handed, but that's just me.
this year dh & i are splurging on our gifts to each other (we're getting iphones). the past few years have been lean as we put money into home remodeling. of course, we always get the kids nice stuff.
i've already bought 2 of my nephews their gifts (preschool board games). i will slowly buy more stuff over the next few months. thankfully everyone in our family and extended family is big on 'family game night' so board games always go over well.....and can be found incredibly inexpensively.
I did make some bags instead of using wrapping paper, and I plan to do that again this year. I'm thinking more along the lines of baked presents, but I do wonder how I could keep them fresh longer since they are headed overseas. I also like the photo ideas.
) and holly around the house.
