I'm so glad you are planning to leave. This has to be very hard on both of you.
I *almost* left my ex soooo many times. He was somewhat mean to my ds (his stepson since 18 months old...his bio father has nothing to do with him) but my ds is also VERY difficult. I have a hard time with him and I'm his mama. For me the main issue was his lack of help-he'd be unemployed for a year or more a time, not helping with the house, not helping with the kids. I couldn't even leave the kids home with him for more than an hour without being horribly worried due to his lack of supervision. Obviously it isn't the same situation, since while he was a bit mean to my son, he wasn't exactly great with ANY of the kids (we had 3 together before I finally left), but well...I kept trying to keep the family together and it caused more problems.
He never really changed, despite him saying he would over and over. He made promises he wouldn't keep. He pressured me into things I shouldn't have been-like having a 3rd child with him. Your husband isn't even TRYING or acknowledging theres a problem on his end. That's scary.
I also agree that getting out, even if you are completely poor, is best. And it can lead to better things down the road. I actually met my fiance while I was still with my ex and he was here when we finally split up for good. I feel fortunate that I had someone there immediately and I am completely in love with him. I so wish I had met him a year or two ago! He is the complete opposite of my ex. Now, I have no income, no experience since I've spent most of my adult life as a stay at home mom, but if I were single, I'd be in college and working part time until I could graduate. I'm not because well...I'm engaged and he is the one in college working on his RN so I have opted to continue staying at home (this has to do with the way the welfare system works-I can only get childcare if we're both in school full time AND working part time and I really don't want to have either of us forced to work and do school at the same time-not to mention we'd like...never see each other
Do you have any friends that can at least help you emotionally while you go through this? Family? Having some sort of support system will help you immensely.
I hope you're business gets off the ground too as having an income would obviously be better than not! Good luck, keep us updated!