Ear piercing screaming

[MidnightCommando]

DD (3) has a scream that could break glass, I'm surprised it doesn't. She knows it drives DH and I up the wall but all methods we've tried will not get her to stop. She does it when she doesn't get her way, which mostly consists of being in her carseat or any other situation where we won't budge (i.e. running around a parking lot, the grocery store, etc).

We've tried ignoring it. We've tried telling her how much it hurts our ears. We've tried a scream-doll (which she promptly throws back at us when she's mad) , I have gone outside to scream with her, etc. - she doesn't want any of it. She wants to scream on her terms and it's getting to be all the time. I know kids can scream loud, but friends and strangers have remarked how high-pitched and loud hers really is. I honestly have heard nothing like it - I'm almost tempted to get a decibel-meter since it's got to be a record. In the car it is really hard to ignore and I've gotten a physical headache from it a few times. We inadvertently found out the only thing that gets her to stop screaming in the car is rolling all the windows down - but I really don't want it to go there. We are going on an international flight next week and I really am dreading the screaming-thing.

help

[philomom]

Teach her to chew gum... find some no sugar lollipops... practice your quiet voice?

I'd be at a loss. I can stand any amount of mess with my kids... it can all be cleaned up.. but I don't like loud noise. It sets my teeth on edge.

[A Mom's Love]

My daughter will add screaming to her crying occasionally & will typically accept a cool drink such as ice water or milk when she's upset.

[MidnightCommando]

Anything we try giving her when she is upset comes flying back at our heads

I have tried her 'candy' (annies fruit bunnies) which works 'sometimes' but I might have to bring out the gum and lollipops for this trip as a last resort.

philomom - I am so with you on this. We can handle the spitting, hitting, harsh words - but this screaming thing is on another level. DD knows it though - and is why she does it.

[nextcommercial]

I have a daycare girl who does this. We litterally have to walk out of the daycare room and close the door leaving her in there. I actually worry about the other kid's hearing. It's loud enough, that I'm sure it can cause damage to the kid's ears.

It works to leave the room, but only because she isn't interested in screaming if she thinks we aren't there. But, the only thing between her and us is a glass door. So, we can't really escape it if she keeps screaming. You probably can't really go somewhere else when she's screaming.

Her Mother recently flew ten hours with her. On the way back, they were thrown off the plane in Seattle. They had to fly the rest of the way home the next day. LOL.

I can't give any ideas, but I totally understand how it's actually painful to listen to. I hope this is a short stage for all of you.

[Katwoman]

Our DD2 does the same thing. I've seriously worried about the glass in our house some days. We established that if she screams like that, we put her in her room. On the way to her room we say "this hurts our head. You need to make this sound in your room. When you're done screaming, you can join us again." It's not about punishment, it's about my head.

For the car, I would do the same thing, I would pull over and tell her I was stepping out of the car to give her an opportunity to stop the screaming. Then don't get back in until she does. If you're going some where fun, if she does it again, go home.

Some people will say 3 is young, but we started doing this when our DD2 was 2 yo. She really only does it now when she's frustrated. We always validate that she's frustrated and we're willing to help, but we're not willing to listen to the shrieking. (She's 3.5 now.)

I don't know what to do about the plane. My poor friend spent 4 hours in the bathroom of the plane because her 12 mo was frustrated with sitting - he was a lap baby. The people around her were getting really hostile. So she hid. Does your DD like to unwrap things? I had someone suggest getting little things at the store and wrapping them up. Then dole them out one by one and don't get anything out until the last one is "boring". I've heard a roll of tape can be very entertaining as well.

[MidnightCommando]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Her Mother recently flew ten hours with her. On the way back, they were thrown off the plane in Seattle. They had to fly the rest of the way home the next day. LOL.

OMG! I had no idea we could be thrown off the plane! At least on this flight, the only possible stops are Hawaii and Fiji so I guess I could deal with it for a bit. I really really hope it doesn't come to this though.

katwomen - I like the wrapping idea. she loves little hair clips so maybe I'll wrap a bunch up. As far as stopping the car - sounds like a good idea and I might try it but it is a long trip to and from work/daycare as is. I'm not sure I could handle stopping that much!!!

thanks all! more suggestions are welcome!!!

[Katwoman]

Originally Posted by MidnightCommando

it is a long trip to and from work/daycare as is. I'm not sure I could handle stopping that much!!!

thanks all! more suggestions are welcome!!!

I can understand what you mean. Sometimes a person just needs to get home. But I guess the hope would be that you would only have to do it a few times - especially if you could arrange it on the weekends where you're going somewhere that she really wants to go - then she would stop shrieking. It all depends on how persistent a child is. Again, I stress communicating with her and telling her you're not mad at her, you simply need to remove yourself from the shrieking.

As for the plane, does she like to color? I found these sheets at the toy store where you use a "marker" filled with water. Once you "color" the special sheets with the water marker, the picture appeared. What I liked about them for the plane was, after they dried the picture disappeared. So they could be "colored" over and over again. (The marker is refillable.)

A friend of mine that has 4 kids always brings drink money for the people around her. Although ear plugs maybe more useful since if the people are mean, plying them with liquor will only make it worse.

Does she have her own seat? I find movement helps a lot, time in their seat, time with Dad, time with Mom. Never underestimate the power of going to the bathroom to wash hands, stand in line, go potty, say hi to the stewardess. As long as were talking bathrooms, if she's potty trained, don't forget to take a diaper or two. You never know when you'll get stuck on a tarmac or in turbulence. I have never had any luck explaining to a small bladder - and her owner - that I know they are full, but we can't take our seatbelts off right now. Slide a diaper under the buns and viola. Bladder happy, owner happy, parents of owner happy.

Do you have an ipod? Mine like to listen to "their music". Perhaps that would help.

[rhiandmoi]

The problem with "fun" distractions is that they have to be used before the screaming starts, or they turn in to rewards for screaming.

If rolling all the windows down makes her stop screaming in the car, I would do it, unless that is what she wants in the first place. As for the plane ride, just explain to her what it is going to be like at least a million times in advance, and offer her something that she can do to let you know that she is mad without screaming on the plane. Let her pick what that is, and then practice leading up to it. Like if she picks putting her hands together as her signal, do some role playing everyday so she can practice telling you she is mad without screaming.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Katwoman

I had someone suggest getting little things at the store and wrapping them up. Then dole them out one by one and don't get anything out until the last one is "boring". I've heard a roll of tape can be very entertaining as well.

Yes Tape is very fun. (for her to play with.. although.... )

The mom I mentioned who was thrown off the plane, spent that evening at a hotel gift shop buying small items that could be stuffed into a Gatorade bottle. She filled two small gatorade bottles with candy and small toys, then when her daughter got unnerved, mom pulled one out of her bag and gave it to her little screamer. That kept her busy for a long time.

She was also given some plastic beads and a handful of pipe cleaners to let her daughter make bracelets. (that was from a complete stranger in the airport.. nice huh?)

Plus, a magnadoodle that they bought in the airport, and they had a completely scream free trip. (for five hours)

[heartmama]

You could certainly be asked to leave the plane, and if she is this out of control with the screaming, I would reconsider flying with her. You may get lucky, but there is a good chance she will want something she cannot have, since there are many rules to follow on the plane.

I'm honestly not sure what to tell you

[ericswifey27]

One of the kids I used to work with liked to scream so we had him use something really similar to this "Hear Myself Sound Phone". I am not sure how much it amplified his screaming, but he didn't like hearing his own screaming through it. We also had to think of a new (acceptable) behavior to replace the screaming, but I can't remember what my coworker ended up using. Maybe worth a try for your little one? Hold it up to her ear/mouth when a scream escapes? ::

http://www.lakeshorelearning.com/seo...ls/viewall.jsp

[_betsy_]

In the car, we've had good success with telling DD1 that we cannot drive with her screaming, that it's not safe. And it *isn't* safe to drive with her freaking out in the back seat and screaming as loudly as she can. She is a rather cautious child, so this approach has worked well.

We've also worked on how loud she can be with others around. Over the last 6 months or so, she has really started to understand the need to be polite and keep her voice at a regular speaking level when we're in public. I think it had more to do with her age (she just turned 3 yesterday) than the length of time we worked with her on it - like I think she just became developmentally more aware of other people's comfort levels.

On the plane - snacks, drinks, small toys to unwrap (even a 24-pack of crayons individually wrapped in Sunday comics or whatever is fun!), a Water Wow! book (DD LOOOOVED these and it kept her occupied on a long car trip and a 5-hour plane ride as well as restaurants) (I found them at Harmon Beauty Supply of all places for about 6 bucks, Target is supposed to have them but I couldn't find them. I just got more for 2-3 bucks at Amazing Savings (used to be Big Lots). I really can't recommend them highly enough! But, they do have characters (Shrek, Care Bears, Sesame Street, Diego, Backyardigans are all the ones I've seen). We also took along DD1's DVD player and a couple of new movies.

[MissLotus]

This post caught my eye in New Posts, and I have to chuckle (only since I can afford to because now my son's older) but when he was about 2 he had a screaming phase and I too thought surely he was the world's loudest human. Like, I didn't even know people could be that loud. My eardrums continued to vibrate after the screaming stopped! I can't remember now what got him to stop. He didn't always scream when upset, he'd do it just because. He outgrew it after a few months when he was ready. I'd say to ignore it but know how impossible that is. So the next step, especially on an airplane, is: bribery!

[Serenyd]

My son recently started doing this, and it's really piercing and hurts like heck when he does it in my ear (when I'm holding him). I think it'll pass soon though. My mom told me to "just smack him in the face" when he does it ... apparently I was a screamer too and that's how she broke me of it!

[sapphire_chan]

Won't help with the plane, but for your daily drives, how about earplugs for you?

Getting no reaction whatsoever from her screaming might stop the screaming, too.

Maybe "I'd like to talk to you and listen to you in the car. But if you scream we can't do that." and then if you see she's close to screaming, use a game (e.g. tell stories) and distract her and reassert that you really like talking to her? But then put in earplugs if she starts screaming so you can be calm at your destination. "I'm sorry if you tried to talk to me, I had to put in earplugs because screaming hurts my ears."

[MidnightCommando]

Originally Posted by Katwoman

.. It all depends on how persistent a child is. Again, ...

your comment made me chuckle because persistent is a soft word for this child

I love all of these ideas. I'm going to try to find some of these items and toys before we leave but since we are pretty limited where we are (no box stores, etc) I might have to pick some up in the airport.

I love the wrapping idea too. I think it will work great. DD is obsessed with little hair clips so I'm going to wrap a bunch of those up. I've relayed these ideas to my mother and brother who are also flying with her so between all of us, I hope we can keep her entertained.

rhiandmoi and ericswifey27, your ideas for actual dealing with behavior are helpful. thank you

ack! one week from now we will be in the air. wish us luck