student mama support group

[mamaley]

anyone want to join?
this doesn't imply that i assume that all of us are completely overwhelmed (although i'm getting close but i thought it might be a good place for us to share ideas, talk, vent, etc.

[june'smom]

i am there! i seem to have greatly overestimated the amount a person can do in a day, and boy am i paying for it. these last two weeks back have been really hard. and dh is beginning to think dd hates him because she is away from me for too long. i could go on and on.
thanks for starting this thread.

louise
mama to juniper
wife to ben

[Journey]

Yeah, I'm here.

Hey, who suggested the binder with the hole puncher on another thread? I decided to try that myself, and soon all my friends were trying out the binder thing... it's become a big trend at my school! I thought that was so funny some person on an online forum created a trend at my college!

Anyways, this semester is quite difficult compared to last. I barely had to crack a book last semester and I made dean's list. Of course, they were all simple classes. This semester, I'm taking some difficult courses. I know I'm going to ace Life Span Development, Yoga, and Writing About Literature. After a couple bad quizzes, I'm bringing my math grade back up to where it should be (I made STUPID mistakes, but the quizzes are only 4 questions, you miss a question you lose 25 points!). I missed a day last week because of the flu, and that has gotten me behind in Anatomy and Physiology. We're on organelles right now. Today I'm going to create a study sheet for the course. I promised a friend in the course that I would do this and give her a copy, so that's an incentive to do it.

I noticed a strange strange thing last week. I bought a new professional looking outfit, and put on some makeup. I noticed the teachers were more polite and attentive to me. In the hallways, the instructors smiled and said hi to me. They treated me more like a colleague than a student. Now, they all know I'm a student. I'm quite visible on campus. I always walk with my head up high, and a confident stride. My friends joke that I walk around like I'm the shit. I always smile and say hi to all my friends and acquaintances. I hold doors open for other students and teachers. Well, the other day instead of the teachers saying "Hey, how ya' doin'?" all casual-like, they said "Hello! How are you today?" and nodded their head at me. It was repeated all day long. It was quite obvious that the treatment I was receiving was quite different. Several teachers made conversation with me in the hallway. They seemed to be making more of an effort towards getting to know me.

I always wanted to fight being mainstream. I never wanted to be part of the norm. I tried bucking society at every turn. I've come to realize that the way you present yourself affects your treatment and future. Does that make it (prejudices) right? No. When I appeared as a poor, hippie, non-traditional student I wasn't taken as seriously as I am now, appearing as a middle class, professional, driven woman. Sometimes you have to play a part in life. I'm happy playing my part, as I see how it will benefit my future. That's what this is all about... bettering our futures.

[Greaseball]

Sure, I'll join!

I'm also joining my school's student parent association. We are working together to overcome discrimination on campus. Our current issues are that athletes can reschedule finals to fit around practices or games, but parents with childcare emergencies cannot.

We are also addressing the fact that married parents are given less help and support than single parents.

I think it will be a great group!

[maryw]

I'm new here and very glad to find this group. This year I was truckin' through my second year of grad school, congratulating myself on managing it with a five-year-old. Last fall, with a supportive advisor and a child friendly department, I decided that I could (just barely) manage another baby, too. (Insert a rosy mental picture of baby in a sling, admiring colleagues, etc). Then last week, at 20 weeks, I found out that I'm expecting TWINS! My advisor is still supportive, but I'm panicking!

I'm just glad to find a group of moms who are managing similar balancing (juggling?) acts.

(Still trying to figure out smilies and signatures!)

[mamaley]

hi everyone!

twins! wow mary, congrats!

I'm also joining my school's student parent association. We are working together to overcome discrimination on campus. Our current issues are that athletes can reschedule finals to fit around practices or games, but parents with childcare emergencies cannot.

that's awesome! our university needs something like this...it's a huge university, yet we have no student parent association, or anything like it that i know of. it gets so old having everyone look a little shocked to hear that i have two kids, and to not be included in certain little things...for example, when going over the sylabus, saying things like "i realize some of you may have jobs" but never children. there's a lot more, of course.

journey, your thing about looking the part really hit me. i know that sounds silly, but this is something i've really been dealing with--especially since i look young and everyone knows i have two children. i dress totally casually, little make-up, hair in a pony-tail, etc, and i've been wondering if i need to start wearing more mainstream-nice-ish outfits instead--very interesting how differently you were treated.

and june's mom, with the being too busy thing--i'm there with you. although this semester is better than my last was. good luck, you can do it!

[aussiemum]

I'm a student too, albeit a not-very-happy one who's thinking about giving up & quitting! But I'll join for as long as i'm a student!

Journey, that's an interesting observation about how you dress affecting the way your instructors relate to you. Sad, but interesting....I don't get that much, but maybe I'm getting old and just used to looking like a freak!! I do notice, however, that my bag rarely gets searched at the shops if I've got my middle class suburban mommy clothes on. My fave feral clothes? I'm always surprised if they don't ask.

[Annoia]

count me in!

[Greaseball]

If anyone's university doesn't have one, they could try to start one. I'm sure you are not the only parents, and the others are probably just as frustrated as you.

[june'smom]

ok
today sucked! i went to class and dh went with so that we could run errands afterwards together. well june wouldn't eat before class, and we didn't bring any milk because she won't take a bottle anyway. so half way into my class i heard a screaming baby. it turns out that dh was walking around the whole building trying to get her to sleep and just happened to go past my classroom at least 3 times. i didn't know what to do. i ended up just sitting in class and listening to her cry because my prof isnt very understanding. then my prof made a comment on the crying baby and the whole class started talking about it, they didn't know she was mine. i wanted to run out the door. it was awful, i felt like i was letting her cry.
i have been so torn this semester because i know that she cries a lot when i am gone and dh has a hard time calming her down. and now she has stopped taking the bottle so she won't eat while i am not there. aahhhhhh!!!!!! i love being in school but the transition is not going well. i just feel like quiting just so that i don't feel so guilty about leaving her to cry for hours.

what to do?
louise
nak mama to juniper
wife to ben

[aussiemum]

Oh Louise, that sounds like pure misery! How old is your little one- sounds like she's still very little if your hub is tryingto get her to sleep with walking around a building. BTW, you should think about asking him very nicely if he will walk in the OTHER direction next time ie: not round & round your classroom! If you're going to be there, then you might as well have the opportunity to be there fully. I also appreciate that it can be difficult to know whether or not your crying baby can be heard elsewhere, particularly if you are getting an earful.

Some people are just plain nasty about children. THe best thing to do is start thickening up that skin- it doesn't get any better- there will always be folks in the world who give unsolicited advice & snarky remarks about your kids. It helps me if i think about the joys in life they miss by being a d#*k-head (sorry, that's just my own little bit of nastiness ) .

Big hugs to you.....some days are just better than others......

[Piglet68]

maryw: welcome to Mothering!!

Wow, amazing stuff, expecting twins?? You should check out our Parenting Multiples forum, too.

I honestly don't know how you ladies do it. All I had to deal with at school was a part time job and a busy social life!

Tackling school and parenting at the same time is a monumentous task!

[Aura_Kitten]

i don't know if this will help any of you, but one of my professors allowed me to bring my son to class when i needed to (or when he needed me). granted, she was the only one out of all of my professors to do that for me, but still, it's something, and it might be worth asking...

if i do go back to school after the new baby's born (which i'm considering *not*, at least not for awhile), i will definitely by a warrior for a mother's right to have her baby with her in the classroom (as long as the child is not causing a disruption; it makes me sad that so many parents of very young children are not allowed to keep their little ones with them)...

[Nicole77]

Thankfully I have never had a professor who has not let me bring my dd to class with me occassionally. Last semester I brought her with me 2x, both when she was not quite sick enough to need to stay home but a little to sick to go to school and be without mommy (she just turned 2). So far this semester I have not had to bring her with me but I have asked all my profs and they are all agreeable (as long as she is somewhat quiet)!

What I do is pack books, coloring stuff, her baby doll, and a few toy cars (notice all are quiet play toys!) and then sit in the back of the class. She sits quietly for some of the time and the rest of the time she either plays quietly on the floor or wanders around my seat. Thankfully I have a 2 year old who is generally content to play quietly as long as mommy is nearby. As she gets older I suspect it will get easier because I will be able to explain that she needs to be quiet here just like at the library.

I always thought it would be pretty easy to bring a little baby to school (sling+breast=peaceful baby!) and that the really difficult time would be from about 6-8 months through around 2 years old since you just can't expect a child that age to ever sit quietly for more than 30 seconds! Since I stayed home with dd until she was 20 months (just going back to school Fall 2003) I skipped a substantial part of that difficult time. You mommys who are there now have my sympathy since I know the pain/guilt of feeling like you need to leave your crying child to go to class so you don't fail.

My advice to all student parents...ask your profs how they feel about kids being in the classroom on rare occassions. You may find that most of them are parents themselves and pretty understanding. I'm not sure about bringing a child full-time (unless still babe-in-sling age) simply because of the cuteness factor. I have observed that dd can be a perfect angel (not to imply that 2 year olds who want to run around and play aren't...I realize my dd is not the norm) and still some of the classtime is devoted to people smiling at her, watching her, and commenting on her cuteness.

Sorry for the rambling...it's the end of the schoolday and I can no longer formulate intelligent thought!

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world: indeed it's the only thing that ever has!"
~Margaret Meade

[mamaley]

i forgot one small detail about school.
when in hades am i supposed to find time to write papers?

[Aura_Kitten]

when in hades am i supposed to find time to write papers?

sometime between making dinner and saving the world.

(when i had to write papers, and thank goodness this semester i'm not in any classes that require them, i'd work on them a little each night when my son was asleep, and in between classes. sneak in a few minutes at a time. they got finished at least...in bite-sized chunks of Englishy goodness...)

[Greaseball]

I hate to say it, but I use the TV a lot...dd watches "The Incredible Journey" and 1 or 2 Teletubbies videos every day, and then I can get work done without having to stay up too late.

[mamaley]

sometime between making dinner and saving the world.

:LOL :LOL this is my new motto!!

and yes, we love our dvd player. my philosophy is that as long as he gets active time and some good play time in, and other quality activities, tv is absolutely fine!
well, for the 3.5 yo that is.

[Greaseball]

Is anyone else's dh a student as well?

The school year is starting to suck. My classes are harder than I thought and I think I will be getting my first C's. My GPA is 3.7 now, but after this term it might go down to a 3.0. Dh's classes start right after mine, so I have to come straight home after school. I can't meet with professors, go to the bookstore or even get something to eat.

I will be sooooo glad when this term is over...I'm taking Spring off to, you know, give birth, but before that I will have nothing to do all day! It's going to be great!

I wish we could take turns going to school, but he's almost done so we don't want to delay it.

[Aura_Kitten]

yeah my significant other is a student too; we both get up at 5:30... i think if we didn't both go to class at the same time, i wouldn't be able to drag myself out of bed in the morning.