student mama support group - Page 5

[kerc]

hi, can I join? I'm Kristin and I'm working on my phd in geology. My daughter erin is 16 months old and my husband, erik is also a phd student (history).

i can soooo relate to so many of the issues on the thread -- well not twins, but ya know...

breastpumps: i have a pump in style -- and recommend it, and the car adaptor. There's a pumping room at my university, but I often pumped in my car for privacy.

classes: i ahve one more (ind study) that i am taking right now and it is kicking my butt!


i forgot all the rest of what i was going to type.

oh yeah -- work schedule: i work 4 hrs in the am and then 4 hrs after erin goes to bed at night. I have a chunk of quality time with erin and it seems to be working ok right now.

[Bex80]

Hi Kristin!

Welcome to Student Mamas...glad to hear that you have it all together, give me advice!!

Bex

[Greaseball]

Well, I'm not in school this term! Yaaaaay! Too bad I have to go back in the summer...

[kerc]

Originally posted by Bex80
Hi Kristin!

Welcome to Student Mamas...glad to hear that you have it all together, give me advice!!

Bex

:LOL :LOL :LOL

yeah. have it all together - it is held together with chewing gum and shoestrings.

but i've learned a lot over the last 17 months, well really 28 months. Largely that I need to only focus on the bigger issues. Like did I spend some time with my kiddo reading stories and cuddling today? Cause really that makes me and my dd

[kimmysue2]

Well its that time again to decide if I can take a summer class. The one I really want is not going to happen its from 8am to 420pm and no one to watch my kid, plus that would be a long time away and not nurse him. The other class is twice a week for 3 hours not bad probably will take that class.

I have got to take more classes so I can get my degree faster as we plan on opening a pre-school center in about 3 years.

[Ravin]

Please come to my new poll thread and advise me!!!!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hreadid=129853

[happyhippiemama]

I'd like to join!!

I'm Crystal, 26 yo W girl in Iowayyyy.... finishing up my bachelor's (finally)... single.... (well, dating ).... my dd is 7 mos old, multiracial.....

And RAVIN, I just moved from Tempe to Iowa in July, a month before my dd was born. I was talking with one of my closest friends there just today and he said it's getting to the 90's down there.... i'm sooooo jealous!!

Just found this site, usually hanging out with the same name over on BabyCenter, but it's a little mainstream for me.

Glad to be here!

[SamI'mNot]

Hi, I'm finishing my B.S. in physiology at the U of AZ next year (then on to Med School). My boyfriend and I are planning a wedding for the year after that. He already has a 2 year-old ds (whom he loves more than anything), and we just found out yesterday that we're 5 weeks pg. Admittedly that throws kind of a monkey wrench into our plans, but I want to have this baby. He, on the other hand, does not agree with me in the least. He says we're not financially stable enough yet. My family feels that I'll be ruining my chances at a good and prosperous lifestyle by having this child. They say it would be the biggest mistake ever, that I won't be able to finish school, df (fiancee) will leave me alone with the new baby, and my life will be over. Nothing positive to say to me AT ALL!! But I feel that together df and I can give ourselves and this child a wonderful life (we'll just have to work our butts off!!), and I'll still graduate on time (maybe even earlier). I understand things will be tight for a while, but I knew his might happen and I feel like I was preparing for it and I'm as ready for it as I could possibly be. What should I do? I know that once the initial shock wears off, df will welcome this new baby with open arms and be as thrilled as I am. And his family is ecstatic about it. Should I follow my heart and keep it, or should I listen to my parents and sibs and (*gasp*) terminate?

I know it's a heck of a question to put on all of you, but I just don't know what to do. Do what my heart says (welcome the baby), or go for the money and good job? or both in a much more difficult manner?

[june'smom]

Do what your heart tells you. If you want a good job more than this baby, then I would follow the advice of your family. But if not, keep it. You can get through school with a baby. It is hard at times, but the key is knowing your limits.

I wouldn't plan on graduating early, lol, but you can do it.

Good luck and take care. It is a wonderful gift to have a child.

Louise
mama to juniper
wife to ben

[willowmama]

oooooooo....
med school with a baby!
You're a whole lot braver than I am.
I wanted to go for dental but decided against it because of the residency requirement...too much time away from my babies.


...and I second the "don't plan on graduating early" thing

lotsa luck

[Greaseball]

Have you read A Woman in Residence by Michelle Harrison, MD? It's about a woman who is in an OB/GYN residency as a single parent.

[SamI'mNot]

I was thinking that I could cram the classes in before the baby's born, then either I'd be finished or I'd have 1 semester left. Not that it'd be easy, but it's not impossible either. And df is sticking around with me no matter what. He's nervous about this, but he's a terrific man and a VERY loving father. Coincidentally, OB/GYN is my field!!! I'm getting tremendous support from df's family, but is it ok to accept the fact that my family may look down at me for this?

On a happier note, I'm just itching to know what this baby will be like!!!

[guerrillamama]

my mother cried and cried and cried. my father spent months telling me that i was condemning myself and my child to a life of poverty and unrelenting misery. (when i reminded him of his happy childhood being raised by a single mother he said, "what are you talking about, my mother wasn't single!" "uh, dad... your father left when you were a baby, remember?" "oh yeah. but they were married." : ) my stepmother told me if i was her daughter she would make me have an abortion. my aunt and uncle and grandmother all said i'd lost my mind. everyone wrung their hands and told each other over and over that i would drop out of school and never be able to pay off my student loans and end up working at wal-mart.

ok, so the jury is still out on wal-mart, but now that ds is real and everyone's had a chance to hold him and bask in the glow of his smile, i'm just not hearing that kind of stuff anymore. i know it sucks ass right now, but your family will get over it once the baby's born.

i had to have a big talk with each of my parents about halfway through the pregancy. i told my mom she could either support me or shut up. but i didn't want to hear anymore negativity, it was stressing me out and my goal was to have a stress-free pregnancy, and i hoped that she agreed with that goal. she got the message, and became very supportive. i told my dad that if his wife disrespected me one more time i was going to drop the civil facade i have had with her for the 10 years of their marriage. i also told him that i would never allow her to disrespect me in front of my child, so he would be wise to address that issue in their marriage before it happens. i think he got the message.

so, everyone is still very very worried. when the negativity gets on my nerves too much i remind them that i don't find it helpful to be reminded how difficult my life is. but they are all head over heels in love with ds, and how coudl they not be? i'm sure your family, unless they're completely cold and heartless, will be the same. so make your decision (it's YOUR decision), tell them how it is, and then just do what you gotta do.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

[marilynmama]

I hope you will welcome me as well

I am a full time pre-med student, my major is Biomedical Sciences and I also have 2 little girls, Taylor who will be 6 this month and Lauryn who is 2. I also homeschool my oldest.

Anyways, it's so nice to meet other student moms!

Marilyn

[Ravin]

Yes, welcome to both of you!

Congradulations on the new baby! Of course, I'm a crazy person who got pregnant while halfway through college more or less on purpose (i.e., not on birth control or doing anything else to control fertility). I'm married, but we're still quite broke. I just didn't want to wait any more after being a good girl and waiting until I was done w/ my enlistment in the Navy. (Sea duty and AP aren't exactly compatible.)

[bo night]

hey all. i'm bo, single student mama to magdalena, 20 months (today!). i've been back in school for a couple of quarters now - taking a full load - and really feeling the polarities of it. i enjoy my classes a lot, i enjoy the social aspect, i enjoy challenging thinking (and moving), but the pull of baby vs the rest of life is pretty hard on me. it's become a lot harder being home with maggie when there are a trillion other things i could/need/want to be doing. it's definitely a hard transition. but it just feels like a constant transition. heh.

i'm tired. but feeling good.

[cmpavlin]

Me too!

I am a 30 year college freshman with a 13 month old son at home. My SO is also a going back to college freshman. We've got a good six years of college ahead of us, but we need it to follow our dreams of someday moving to a farm and being self-sustaining. In addition, we both really wanted to be able to tell our son that his parents went to college, when he's older and contemplating college himself.

But it's hard! I love it, he loves it, baby doesn't seem to be suffering at all (our roommate watches the baby while we take night classes) and we've got him signed up for the wonderful child care program at school, hopefully starting in the fall semester (there's a waiting list).

I feel guilty for not being home every minute with him, for taking time (when we are home) to do my homework, or the freelance writing work I'm starting to get a lot more of suddenly ...

[SamI'mNot]

Really needing to vent... I'm sorry! Ready, Set, Rant!

I think there will be so much to look forward to with this new baby. But at the same time I'm feeling apprehensive about it. For one, my df is in the military. With that and me in school, it'll be a really interesting thing to see us manage the mandatory parts of our everyday lives and still dedicate most of our time and energy to the baby and our toddler. But i know we can do it. There's nothing wrong with being happy with having a baby if you are positive you can give it a great life and make yours beautiful at the same time. Right?

We've just been getting TONS of negativity about being pregnant (from my family, specifically), so it's hard to stay optimistic and happy with our situation. Why couldn't someone just say "A new baby!!! Congratulations! You must be so excited! I'm so happy for you!!"? But no, that seems to be impossible for the people who are supposed to be the most supportive. It's so discouraging. Yes, I'm supposed to question myself again and again and be sure that We're ready for this. But am I supposed to feel completely inept and incompetent at the same time?It just makes me want to pull my hair out, throw my arms up in the air and say "OKAY! I'm an idiot! But I'm one of the few idiots that is a good mother and loves her children more than anything. And if you don't have something productive and supportive to say, then just SHUT UP!". Constructive criticism is one thing, but screaming fits are a totally different matter. All I need is for someone to tell me that it's possible and that I can do it. Everyone tries to tell me how to manage my family, when they can't even be bothered to deal with their own children. Aaaarrrgh! These people make me crazy! But nobody ever said it'd be easy.

Sorry to lay all of that on all of you. But I think that this is the only place where I can speak out and still get some positive remarks from people that understand. I appreciate that a ton, especially now.

To any of you who are going through a hard time right now, here you go.
Ok, long winded. It's probably mostly the hormones talking. They've been doing that a lot lately. And aside from my family being not-so-useful, I'm still ecstatic!! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

[guerrillamama]

It is possible, and you can do it. Really.

:

And, as I tell myself several times everyday, millions of women before us have done it, in situations much more challenging than ours.

Let's see... Just for starters...

Do I have an abusive partner?
Do I reside in a war zone?
Do I have difficulty getting food on the table everyday?
Do I have 9 other babies to worry about?
Does my ds have any disability or special needs that I know of?

No to all of the above, and yet all the above are common - very common, entirely too common - situations that women throughout the centuries have dealt with, with strength and courage and resilience and flexibility and wisdom and humor and and grace, and some of them have been amazing mothers who raised amazing children. So why can't I? My circumstances are difficult, but they don't even compare to that.

And some of those children grew up to be amazing adults, and some of those adults changed the world forever, and they were not amazing in spite of but in part because of the experiences they came from, which shaped them. What a boring world it would be if every child grew up they way "they" say, in a nice little 2-parent, middle-class, Stepford family.

I know that all my family members who flip out are reallly just worried about ds and me. I know that my dad, for example, is speaking from his own experience of poverty, and he doesn't want me and ds to go through some of the things he and his mom went through. But this is a different time and place and I'm a different person and I just know, deep down, and I have known since the earliest days of pregnancy, that everything is gonna be alright.

Do you know that SamI'mNot? Then you're cool. And the rest of em will come around when they're ready to; that's their problem not yours.

[Slackermom]

Hi Everyone! Mind if I jump in?

I have a 5 month old DD, and I'm finishing up my Master of Social Work thesis. It's due in August, and I really need to get my butt in gear! Ugh!

Good to "meet" you all!

Michelle