Yikes - DS wants to know why we had him circ'd

[Serenyd]

DS1 is 6 and wants to know why we let the doctor cut a piece of his skin off "down there" when he was a baby. His little brother isn't circumsized, so he knows the difference. What would you tell him? I told him to go ask his dad but he wouldn't do it.

[Cheshire]

Well, I guess it would start with why you had it done.

If you did it because you didn't know better and you thought it was best at the time then tell him that as matter-of-fact as you can. At his age I wouldn't go into great detail.

[JenBuckyfan]

I'd be honest but careful not to make him feel as though something is wrong with him.

"At the time we thought that was what we should/needed to/had to do. By the time we had your brother, we learned we didn't have to so we didn't."

[TCA2008]

Keep it simple - "When you were born, we thought it was the best choice, just like your daddy is circumcised (I'm making an assumption), when your brother was born, we learned that it really wasn't necessary so we decided to just leave him as he was born. There are many boys who are circumcised, like you, and many boys who are not circumcised like your brother - everyone is so different in so many ways, and that is just fine. Isn't it interesting how different kids have different hair, eyes and even skin color? Boys have different kinds of penises too."

If there is a follow up question like "why did you think it was the best choice?" then just offer a few things - "well, we thought it might be easier to clean, but then we learned that it really doesn't make a difference"

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It is very important that you are honest with him in a way he can understand. Most boys will say Oh ok and that will be the end of it for awhile. Then when he is older you can go into more detail and let him know that restoration is an option for him.

He needs to know so that when he has kids he wont cut his boys.

[SunShineSally]

I what I plan to say is that everyones penis looks different and that you thought that you were doing what was best.

[Greg B]

I am circ'd and my sons are not. When they were younger, they asked why. I simply told them that doctors thought is was good to do then, now they realize it is not.

They didn't ask for more than that.

As others have said, take the question at face value and keep your answer simple. Only go on if they ask for more. Frequently we think of the issues behind a question that kids raise and give more information than they really want.

You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. Now you have more information and would make a different decision. Nothing wrong with that. the medical community is still taking a passive agressive stance for circumcsion, as far a sI am concerned, so parents still do not get all the information they need to make a fully informed decision.

Regards

[Ron_Low]

Hi,
I would frame it thus:

- Doctors know how to do a lot of miraculous things because they never stop studying and learning.

- When Daddy was born most doctors thought it was best to circumcise.

- When you were born some doctors still thought it was a good idea.

- By the time your brother was born most doctors finally realized the circumcising wasn't needed. You could site that doctors named John Taylor and Morris Sorrells and a nurse named Marilyn Milos are among those who have made some great discoveries that changed medical thinking.

- If you'd like to start gently stretching your skin every morning and night and with every trip to the potty, soon you can have skin over your glans like your brother does.

[glongley]

Originally Posted by Serenyd

I told him to go ask his dad but he wouldn't do it.

I know the question may have taken you off guard, but I think it's better to answer a child's questions oneself, rather than pawning it off on the other parent. I think kids can get a message that there's something unacceptable about their question. Better to take the bull by the horns and answer in a straightforward, loving way. Since he didn't go ask his Dad, you still need to answer his question. Lots of good suggestions here. A good thread to keep since there are many other families who have circumcised a first, but not circumcised later sons.

Gillian

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by glongley

I know the question may have taken you off guard, but I think it's better to answer a child's questions oneself, rather than pawning it off on the other parent. I think kids can get a message that there's something unacceptable about their question. Better to take the bull by the horns and answer in a straightforward, loving way. Since he didn't go ask his Dad, you still need to answer his question. Lots of good suggestions here. A good thread to keep since there are many other families who have circumcised a first, but not circumcised later sons.

Gillian

You're right, of course. I was trying to buy some time/hoping his dad would have one of those matter-of-fact, direct & to the point answers he is so good at coming up with.

Thanks for all the replies, there are some good answers there in case this comes up again. I would like to avoid traumatizing him - a similar situation occurred after the home birth of my second son. When I explained that part of our decision to stay home was because of all the uncomfortable and unnecessary things that hospitals do to newborns, he got really upset and asked WHY we let them do those things to him in the hospital! He's a sensitive little guy (a Pisces, like his momma) and I have to be really careful what I tell him!

[everything to one]

Originally Posted by TCA2008

Keep it simple - "When you were born, we thought it was the best choice, just like your daddy is circumcised (I'm making an assumption), when your brother was born, we learned that it really wasn't necessary so we decided to just leave him as he was born. There are many boys who are circumcised, like you, and many boys who are not circumcised like your brother - everyone is so different in so many ways, and that is just fine. Isn't it interesting how different kids have different hair, eyes and even skin color? Boys have different kinds of penises too."

If there is a follow up question like "why did you think it was the best choice?" then just offer a few things - "well, we thought it might be easier to clean, but then we learned that it really doesn't make a difference"

great answer! i would go with this one!

[hakunangovi]

I do think that you should answer his question now, rather than wait for it to possibly come up again, otherwise he may get the sense that there are some topics that are not acceptable to discuss. It is important to keep those lines of communication as open as you can and for as long as you can. Often, if the topic is percieved as 'uncomfortable', children will resort to asking their peers which gives rise to all sorts of wierd and distorted explanations. It is much preferable that he learn the true facts the first time around.

[elanorh]

Yes - if I were you, when you get a good moment to do so, bring it up with him again. And give a version of one of the above answers. He needs to know it's good and safe to talk about things like this with you.