Originally Posted by lisavark
And sgmom, I'm so glad you started this thread! But really, hang in there...like I said, I was totally where you are when DD was 12 months, and then things just started clicking and misses suddenly became much more rare. Not to go off too much on practical things when we're having such a great philosophical discussion
, but do you use timing much? Or do you try to wait for your LO to signal? Because letting myself make that switch to taking more initiative and taking DD potty after it had been an hour--even though she hadn't signaled--is what got our misses down. Like I said, I felt--still sometimes feel--sort of like I was cheating on the whole mystical EC thing and how it's "supposed" to be. I actually literally went out and bought a watch solely for the purpose of EC, and I take DD potty by the clock. Even if she says she doesn't need to go, I usually will try to convince her by offering a different location or giving her a fun toy to hold or something like that. If she still insists that she doesn't need to go, I don't force it, and I take her again in a few minutes. And of course I take her every time she signals (she actually says "potty" now, which is so sweet!). But I never wait for her to signal any more. I figure I'd rather keep her dry than be a mystical perfect EC mom who "just knows." I am not that good at EC. My clock tells me when DD needs to go. But hey, it works, and like I said, I respect her if she tells me she doesn't need to go.
I'm going to go off thread for a minute to answer this question. This is sort of why I'm so interested in how it used to be done (and why it's taking so long for me).
She doesn't have ANY obvious signals, so we use the clock. I even have a timer that I keep on my fridge. It's set to 30 minutes (but I change that often), but often if I look over and see that there's 10 minutes left, I'll offer the potty anyway. I also offer at every diaper change (even if she's wet), immediately upon waking, before and/or after meals, before/after a bath, before bed, when I need to use the bathroom, etc.
I decided to back WAY off and tried just letting her get wet to see if she would come to me and complain in hopes that she would learn that potty = dry. It didn't work, so now we're back to the clock (I also take her to the bathroom with me EVERY time I need to use it).
We have horrible luck with bowel movements (haven't caught one in I don't even know how long... months, I think), but I'll catch one or two pees a day (more if I'm lucky). That said, I'll also go through 18 or so cloth diapers in a day, so the misses HUGELY outweigh the catches.
Today I decided to have a diaper free day to see what might happen. It was eye opening to say the least! As it turned out, I had to diaper her for bits here and there (because I was too preoccupied to follow her around), but the diaperless moments were interesting.
She pee'd on me once (something she's NEVER done and I often carry her around without a diaper, sometimes for long periods of time), she pee'd on the floor several times, in the potty twice (the rest was in her diaper or on the floor) , but the interesting part was the last pee. She was standing at the top of the stairs (baby gate) and I noticed a couple drops underneath her. I thought it was just drool, but then she moved and I noticed another couple drops, and her mouth was dry. So I put her on the potty and she pee'd IMMEDIATELY. I'm talking seconds. 3 or 4.
We used to have many, MANY more catches than we do now, but obviously something is working. The problem with watching the clock is that sometimes she'll pee 3-4 times in half an hour, and other times she seems to wait closer to an hour. Without being able to read pre-pee body signals, there is NO way to know when she needs to go.
And if I sit her on the potty on the hour (or half hour), she's more likely NOT to pee, or end up with an already wet diaper. Most (if not all) of my catches come from sheer timing (she's been dry for 43 minutes, I should put her on). And even at that, she won't pee on cue ("pssssss", or if I tell her "go pee"), nor will she pee as soon as I sit her down. There's almost always a waiting game that EASILY lasts 5-10 minutes.
Color me frustrated!
Edited to add: I would be THRILLED if I could keep her dry all day (timing), even if she doesn't signal to me that she needs to go (although that would be nice!!), and I can't figure out why we're not further ahead. Or for that matter, why it seems we've taken SO many steps backwards!