When is "no" appropriate?

[justKate]

I told my DD "no" last night. She's 7 months old, and it's not something I wanted to do. She pulled my glasses off of my face, again, and then playfully smacked them on the table over and over while I was trying to get them away from her. I know this is my mistake--I know that glasses appeal to her and like hair, I should keep them out of her reach. But glasses are the one thing she will inevitably have the opportunity to destroy. I give her plenty of time to play with my face without glasses...

Otherwise, I don't tell her "no." When she kicks me, I turn her away and give her something else to kick. When she wants to hit, we find something to hit. When she wants to suck on my chin, I let her.

Huz, on the other hand, looks directly at her and firmly says, "please don't kick daddy," and she stops. :

I guess my question is--can a 7 month old understand that some things are off-limits (like glasses)? Can a 7 month old really be responding appropriately to my Huz's request that she stop kicking?

I don't want to "discipline" her for her curiosity, but I also don't want to buy new glasses. What's the thought on this?

[lness]

"No" is just a word - it's how you use it that counts. DD is 6 mo and does the same, grabs my glasses & tries to chew them. I take them back (gently) and tell her, "No, you can't take glasses, Mama needs them." (Also, "No you can't eat the grocery list" happens at least once every trip to the store.) I don't see it as a problem, she's going to hear it later so better she learns it from us in a calm loving manner. (I do try to keep them out of reach as much as possible though to prevent it.) Curiosity is Good, but not when it breaks things. I won't let her grab our small pets either even though I want her to get used to being around them, because she doesn't understand Gentle Touch yet.
I don't think they're old enough yet to really understand, but I do think if we keep reminding them, eventually it starts to sink in. It sounds like you and your Huz have different strategies - everything I've read says that's great for them to learn how to deal with differences.

[carrie a.]

the problem with "no" is that it doesn't actually tell your child anything. using the word "stop" or explaining what you want them to do is just better communication. "no" slips out so easily and it's not going to cause any real harm when you do say it. but it is always better to say what you mean.

[AGF]

I'm not sure if this helps but from the time the babies were really small, we would say "You may not take glasses off of anybody's face" and then suggest that we go find their glasses ( a pair of cheapy kids sunglasses). I think that it is a gentle approach and kept them from grabbing Grammy's glasses too.

HTH

[Thisbirdwillfly]

Huz, on the other hand, looks directly at her and firmly says, "please don't kick daddy," and she stops.

I don't know if she is responding to the words themselves, facial expression, tone voice or a combination of all three but clearly she is responding. Your seven month old is clearly old enough to begin to understand that somethings are off limits.

I tried not to use the word "no" in these types of situations because I did not want to be listening to "No, no, no!" a few months down the line. Also, it was not specific enough. I knew I would wind up saying things like, "no, thank you" whereas "stop" I could use very specifically.

When he was young, we kept it very short. As in he would grab my glasses and I would change my tone of voice/facial expression and say "stop" while immediately taking back my glasses. As he got older, I explained it more indepth, "Stop. Mommy needs her glasses to see, they are not a toy."

[freestyler]

You'll still hear NO NO NO down the line, whether you say it or not. We were totally anti-no with our first, but she still went through the NO NO NO phase. (It lasted about 11 years.) i'm still pretty anti-no, even with five kids. I just don't find it as effective as telling them more specifics or trying to just help them re-direct. (I suck at redirecting, but it's nice in theory.)

[SparklingGemini]

We pretty much save "No!" for dangerous or emergent situations.

We used a lot of "Not for baby!" when DD was younger.

And now that she's a toddler and more verbal(OK, extremely verbal), we use more direct commands and communications:

"Wait! This is a dangerous road."

"Please let go. I'm concerned this will get broken."

"If you'd like to dance, I'll help you onto the floor where its safer."

[gillibean]

I don't really say 'no' often. I say 'stop please' more. I think they usually pick up a lot from our tone of voice more than actual words. I sort of feel that with 'no' it doesn't really tell them what they need to do.

With my oldest DD when she was very young we would say, "That's not appropriate." It was so funny to watch her when she was around two saying "That's not appropriate" if she thought someone was doing something that they shouldn't.

[Cavy]

I do try to explain why DC can't do something. To try to get them to understand and agree, rationally.

Unfortunately, they aren't very rational creatures. Logic doesn't get us far.

And to tell the truth, I think I have mild verbal dyspraxia and it exhausts me to explain everything. So I end up with a lot of:
"No!...because
I'm getting stressed."
It's not safe."
it's the way we need to do things."
it makes my life easier."
I SAID SO."