You know I am trying to be a good AP/GD parent BUT I am also human and there are days I wonder if I will ever get it all right. Today, I am feeling pretty good though, although at the expense of some other little girl whose parents are not into GD/AP. If you've been trying to figure out how AP/GD works, this is a good compare/contrast anecdote. Also, I need to share because it made me sad.
DD and I are doing a nature class at the local wild animal rescue shelter. The class is fantastic, lots of hands on natural science, but there is one little girl who is ON FIRE with energy and mischief. She is very obviously outpacing her elderly grandmother who is her caretaker, I assume, while the parents work.
So grandma spends the class alternating between age-induced obliviousness (I was the one who noticed DGD eating the googly eyes) and spanking to control outbursts from DGD.
Finally snack time came and DGD was very sad when she finished her cookies. She started shrieking like a banshee while the instructor was trying to read a story. So grandma starts threatening to leave/spank etc... The instructor intervenes and tells DGD to shush.
At no time does anyone realize that DGD is having a hard time with the transition of her snack ending. She needs help to navigate her emotions. I try to verbalize 'Oh she's sad her snack ended' and got the death glare from the teacher as in 'shut up you meddling mommy'.
More spanking ensues as does more shrieking.
Class ends (thank the gods) and we all leave. Wouldn't you know I am parked next to Grandma and DGD? DGD is raging and fighting going into her car seat. Grandma is spanking her.
I'm starting to be very upset at the senseless spanking that isn't doing anything and realizing that not only are DGD's needs being unmet, they aren't even recognized.
I step in and ask if Grandma needs any help. I volunteer some cookies as a bribe which gets DGD's attention and into the car seat.
What I wanted to do was sit Grandma down and say:
1.If you leave emotional needs unmet, the acting out gets even worse.
2. Have a plan. Always be one step ahead. When it's time to leave, it's not 'time to leave' it's 'time to go to the car and get some juice and crackers'. Giving little ones something to look forward too really helps with transitions, you know?
3. Have you noticed spanking DOESN'T WORK. Especially as the primary behavior control method. Try a hug and some empathy sometime.
On the upside, I do see the positive contrast with how I handle DD. Not that I am perfect--far from it, but I do try. Trying pays off. DD is 6 mos to 1 year younger and much better able to navigate her emotions.
But I sure do feel awful for DGD.
V
DD and I are doing a nature class at the local wild animal rescue shelter. The class is fantastic, lots of hands on natural science, but there is one little girl who is ON FIRE with energy and mischief. She is very obviously outpacing her elderly grandmother who is her caretaker, I assume, while the parents work.
So grandma spends the class alternating between age-induced obliviousness (I was the one who noticed DGD eating the googly eyes) and spanking to control outbursts from DGD.
Finally snack time came and DGD was very sad when she finished her cookies. She started shrieking like a banshee while the instructor was trying to read a story. So grandma starts threatening to leave/spank etc... The instructor intervenes and tells DGD to shush.
At no time does anyone realize that DGD is having a hard time with the transition of her snack ending. She needs help to navigate her emotions. I try to verbalize 'Oh she's sad her snack ended' and got the death glare from the teacher as in 'shut up you meddling mommy'.
More spanking ensues as does more shrieking.
Class ends (thank the gods) and we all leave. Wouldn't you know I am parked next to Grandma and DGD? DGD is raging and fighting going into her car seat. Grandma is spanking her.
I'm starting to be very upset at the senseless spanking that isn't doing anything and realizing that not only are DGD's needs being unmet, they aren't even recognized.
I step in and ask if Grandma needs any help. I volunteer some cookies as a bribe which gets DGD's attention and into the car seat.
What I wanted to do was sit Grandma down and say:
1.If you leave emotional needs unmet, the acting out gets even worse.
2. Have a plan. Always be one step ahead. When it's time to leave, it's not 'time to leave' it's 'time to go to the car and get some juice and crackers'. Giving little ones something to look forward too really helps with transitions, you know?
3. Have you noticed spanking DOESN'T WORK. Especially as the primary behavior control method. Try a hug and some empathy sometime.
On the upside, I do see the positive contrast with how I handle DD. Not that I am perfect--far from it, but I do try. Trying pays off. DD is 6 mos to 1 year younger and much better able to navigate her emotions.
But I sure do feel awful for DGD.
V
