Anyone else NOT want to prepare?

[thursday2]

I guess this is a s/o of the scared thread, but is anyone else feeling a little "ignorance is bliss"?

We're TTC soon...five BC pills left!! so I know I may feel differently when the time comes or grows closer, but after having read so much and researched so much beforehand, I'm very much shying away of any information now. I feel like, for me, maybe if I don't know anything, I can't psych myself out. I tend to be a worry wart and more of a drama queen than I'd like if given the opportunity, but when just shoved into a situation I'm very calm, level-headed, and tough. So I'm avoiding all birthing videos and hypnobirth information and even considering foregoing Bradley and all of that. I am a yoga teacher, so I know some about breathing, and again, this will likely change I'm sure, but I'm just curious if anyone else felt the same way.

So how about it? Anyone else find that ignorance was truly bliss? Or at least just one or two days of labor instead of 9 months of playing it in your mind first?

[greenthumb3]

Here are my thoughts and insight in response to your question, FWIW to you in your situation.

In honesty, I felt the same way as you mentioned, not wanting to know things, with my first pregnancy, and it wasn't until the 5th month of pregnancy that my MIL signed me and DH up for an independent childbirth class and I realized what I had been afraid to look in the face was less scary than I imagined-- the more I understood normal anatomy and stages of pregnancy and labor, and how wonderful the whole experience could be for other women (still hadn't digested that it could be that way for me, too, at that point) I wished I had started learning sooner what I needed to know. What I needed to know. Because I believe that there is something each woman needs to know about her body, about labor, about birth, and it's up to her to discover it, like unwrapping a gift. It is a very personal journey.

I thought that labor was something to be feared and best left un-thought of until the last minute simply b/c I felt that way. Well, if you have heard of Ina May Gaskin, she is a well-known author and midwife and she has seen many births where the woman had fears (many times unknown to the mother herself until that moment came) or unresolved emotional issues with her partner (or past abuse she did not mention to the mw) and these emotions/memories stalled the birth. It required more support from the mw, and in the end, the Mom had to come to terms with what she was feeling so she could release and let her baby be born. It is important to explore feelings like fear or anger or other emotions we would rather avoid before the moment of labor arrives. Sometimes it doesn't all get "fixed" ahead of the birth, but a start is better than not starting--it is progress. YMMV on this "heavy" topic.

Those things you are afraid you might be afraid of will come up eventually, so you may as well try to face them before your body calls your mind and heart to the work of labor. But maybe wait until your heart is ready? That's a tough call, as to the timing.

Probably the stage you are at, just before pregnancy, has a lot to do with not wanting to know more. As time goes on and pregnancy hormones shift into overdrive, many women begin to want to know more about what is going on inside of their bodies, want to connect to their growing baby more, and have an understanding what they can expect. Perhaps this desire will grow more naturally in you as time goes on? Everyone is different.

Some women seem to need to know everything they can get their hands on for pregnancy, labor and birth and post partum, and others "go with the flow". This stage of life offers a real chance for you to learn even more about yourself and what works, and doesn't, work for you.

IME, knowledge gives you more options. If you do not know about an option, it's like it doesn't exist and forces you to reply on chance or the decisions of others. This can impact how labor and birth goes, as well as your feelings about it.

One way I look at it is either you can inform yourself or not, but you are in a better position to have a positive outcome if you are involved in the process, no matter what that looks like, a class, reading a book, or talking to other experienced mothers.

If you already have the feeling that not knowing about birth is better than knowing, that in itself is a red flag that you already have some preconceived (pardon the pun ideas about the negative side of childbirth/pregnancy. That may need to be explored at some point, but I wouldn't worry too much about it now.

[Bmorefarmgirl]

i definitely feel that way, and i am 10 weeks pregnant!

i have read a couple books, watched business of being born, attended my sisters two births. i feel like i am pretty well-armed, and whenever i try to read more information it is like eat this vitamin and that vitamin and do this exercise and that exercise and do this to prevent that and blah blah blah. it is so overwhelming! i just want to eat healthy food, exercise when i feel like it, and listen to my body. i just really do not feel scared and i feel like the more i read, the more paranoid i will get. i feel healthy and strong and pretty good about myself right now, and i just want to make cute baby stuff and try to be nice to myself about my expanding waistline. not read a bunch of books about how i am not getting enough of vitamin xyz!

[S.Elise]

Having taken hypnobirthing for my first preg, I have to say that might be the class for you. It explains the basics of how birthing works and strategies to use during the birth, but all in a very positive and non-scary light. That's the whole point -- learning, thinking and speaking about birthing in a positive way since removing fear from the process makes it go a whole lot easier. You should pick up the book and check it out. There is also a portion where you admit and face your fears.

[thursday2]

I'm actually not that scared at all (which again, may change once there's a massive belly holding a squirming parasite...) I'm pretty calm about the whole thing and feel like my body can handle it and will know what to do when the time comes. I'm more worried about psyching myself out by seeing and hearing how painful it is, what can go wrong, etc. Kind of like, my body naturally knows what to do, now I just have to keep my brain from second-guessing that, YKWIM?

[ACsMom]

Originally Posted by thursday2

I'm actually not that scared at all (which again, may change once there's a massive belly holding a squirming parasite...) I'm pretty calm about the whole thing and feel like my body can handle it and will know what to do when the time comes. I'm more worried about psyching myself out by seeing and hearing how painful it is, what can go wrong, etc. Kind of like, my body naturally knows what to do, now I just have to keep my brain from second-guessing that, YKWIM?

I think this is a fantastic way to start a pregnancy, with this kind of attitude and confidence in your body. Also, being a regular yoga practitioner, you've already got a lot of the skills needed for an easy birth - relaxation and breathing, mental focus, etc. However, I think you can find out what you "need" to know specifically about pregnancy and birth without paying attention to the mainstream (fear-based) way of looking at labor. For example, there are a ton of body positions and movements that can help keep labor moving along, get/keep the baby in the optimal position for birth, and minimize your experience of pain and discomfort. Since you're likely to already be flexible and physically strong enough to take full advantage of those positions, it would be great if you were familiar with them ahead of time, kwim? That's just one example I can think of. Others I can think of are optimal nutrition during pregnancy, the physiology of normal labor and birth, relaxation and mental imagery specific to birth, etc. etc. I feel you can prepare for it without the fear messages, particularly if you are planning to have a home birth and will be seeing a midwife for maternity care.

I second whoever said the hypnobirthing stuff would be right in line with what you're already doing with yoga. And greenthumb really articulated some good points.

Having said all that, being at the pre-pregnancy stage, I agree that now may not be the right time to start all this prep (except for the pregnancy nutrition thing - that's pretty critical to start right from the beginning, and it can also help you get pregnant in the first place). You'll be a lot more motivated once you're actually pregnant. That's been my experience, anyway. And there's nothing wrong with preparing your way, depending on your personality and instincts. I took a class with my first pregnancy and it ended up getting in my way. This time I'm reading on my own, doing hypnobabies cd's, and talking to my midwife.

[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by thursday2

I'm actually not that scared at all (which again, may change once there's a massive belly holding a squirming parasite...) I'm pretty calm about the whole thing and feel like my body can handle it and will know what to do when the time comes. I'm more worried about psyching myself out by seeing and hearing how painful it is, what can go wrong, etc. Kind of like, my body naturally knows what to do, now I just have to keep my brain from second-guessing that, YKWIM?

Hm, well, I wouldn't recommend most hospital based childbirth prep classes for ya, then! I would add if someone tries to tell you their birth experience, ad it starts sounding like a train wreck, cut them off at the pass as politely as possible, you'll be surprised by how many women (and even men who's wives/daughters/sisters had a terrible experience) want to "prepare" you for babies by scaring your pants off!

That's great that you feel a trust that your body knows what to do when the time comes. I think yoga can really help with those positive feelings; I also practiced yoga regularly before my babes were born, and still do occasionally. Do you attend yoga classes or just by yourself at home? Like DVDs? For your reference, there is a really great DVD by Colette Crawford for pregnancy, labor and birth. It is very calming, centering, and has suggestions for poses to try to ease discomforts during pregnancy and labor.

[Noelle C.]

My prep is fairly minimal. I've learned how it physically happens in detail, but that's all I want to know. I don't want to know what to do or what not to do since that's really subjective. I don't want to do what feels comfortable, then to worry that I'm killing the baby because some book said not to move or something. I'm going to trust my body and my midwife and don't want a bunch of birth opinion swimming in my head worrying me!

[Sudonk]

You need to prepare in the way that is right for you. I did go into my first birth relatively clueless, even though I was under the impression that I was well informed. I didn't have the "ignorance is bliss" attitude, and I was under the impression that I was well informed. I took a HypnoBirthing class, and made it clear to the instructor that I wanted to really understand the whole birthing process and know as much as possible, and she assured me the class would provide that. I found out the hard way that it didn't. If the birth had gone smoothly, I would still be ignorant about the process and my lack of knowledge. But I developed some complications that made it longer and more difficult than it had to be. Thanks to amazing support people and a very hands-off OB, I managed to give birth vaginally. But I quickly discovered that by not learning about potential interventions, I couldn't discuss them intelligently with my OB and make a good, informed decision about accepting or declining them. I found out that because the HypnoBirthing class purposely avoiding the discussion of most birth complications, I had no idea that there were basic, completley natural techniques I could have done before and during the birthing to avoid the complications I experienced. In the following years, I did learn more about birth and finally realized how much I hadn't known the first time, and how much that ignorance had threatened my safety and that of my baby.

For my subsequent births, I prepared using Hypnobabies, and it was the perfect balance of useful, empowering information and relaxing, confidence-building reminders that my body, my baby and I know what we need to birth beautifully. It added to my confidence and gave me skills that allowed me to achieve the birth I wanted without fear or pain (or medical intervention of any kind!) The lessons were eye-opening and overwhelmingly positive, and it included a process for releasing any fears that I felt at any stage of the pregnancy or birth. So it really boosted my confidence in my ability to give birth, rather than creating concern from knowing "too much".

Whatever path you find to be right for you during your preparation for birth, I wish you an easy (and fun!) conception and a smooth, healthy pregnancy and birth for your perfect baby!

[ShwarmaQueen]

Stick around long enough on MDC and you'll realize how NOT scary and painful (to the normal extent it's represented to be) childbirth really is. This community has really given me a sense of normalcy in chilbirth- but if you go tiptoe-ing over to Babycenter then you're on your own.

I agree w/ PPs who said the more you know the better. I had a mainstream view of prenatal care and childbirth (also known as ignorant) with DD and I really believe that's what ended me up in an induction turned c/s. Learning everything I can this time around, I hope I can make better choices to not end up back there again.

GL in conceiving!!