Toddler wont unlatch

[Ish'smom]

My little guy is 32 months and I also have a 7 week old. DS1 was barely nursing during the later half of the pregnancy but has regained interest. I put time and frequency limits on the nursing ever since it became uncomfortable for me during PG (when the milk dried up). I let him nurse on each side while I sing a song three times a day and that is all I can handle. It isn't comfortable for me anymore and it is hard to even give that much. I have been planning to tough it out a while longer but we are having a problem where I stop singing and ask him to stop and he wont let go so then I have to unlatch him like a baby. This is very upsetting for me and it is damaging to our relationship. It makes me feel violated which is not a good way to feel with your toddler. We both usually end up crying. I know he is still so little and emotionally is having trouble letting go but I just am not enjoying nursing him anymore. More than that I dread it. I wanted to let DS1 wean himself but I don't think that is going to be possible. Any advice or similar stories would be welcome. Thanks

[simplify4balance]

My DD is 31 months old and we unweaned after 7 months of not nursing. DS is 3 months. I have the same problem... with the crying afte nursing is done. She is old enough to talk turkey with... so I explain that it is hurting me and that she needs to stop when I tell her it is uncomfortable for me without crying or that she won't be able to nurse anymore bc I don't want to have to make her cry to stop. I also sing the ABC's as our 'ending song.' That has helped. I am trying to keep limits: NO nursing DD at night, and I also try to distract her with other things while I nurse DS. I don't flash it around so as to not tempt her I am only comfortable nursing her a few times a day... I worry abut the toll on my body and that my supply isn't up tp the challenge yet. I have notice DS fussing at times- as if her needs more.
Distraction is key!!!
I also think it is unhealthy to nurse if you don't feel good about it. Really think about how much nursing you are comfortable with him doing and talk t o him about they limits you have in mind and then distract, distract, distract!
You are doing a great job mamma!

[Ish'smom]

Thanks a lot. For now things are a little more bearable. We skipped two nursings mostly because I couldn't stand the thought of him refusing to let go again. Then when he asked to nurse again I explained things to him even more and talked to him a lot. every time he asks to nurse I remind him before-hand what I expect. Hopefully things will stay this way so I can hold off on weaning him a little longer. Thanks for the support.

[Ish'smom]

He wouldn't let go again today so we are taking another break. I told him he can nurse in the morning. This is so frustrating.

[simplify4balance]

binky!!

We have been using a pacifier to help her stop a nursing session when she still wants to suck- but I am sucked out
She never took one as an infant, but it seems to help her transition at the end of a nurse.
It is going really well for us! She is being so calm and her temper tantrums have been... tempered
Good luck!

[mrsfrazier]

I have found with my 27 month old son that unless I designated specific times when he could expect to nurse, he really didn't want to unlatch. Can you sing a song and then tell him the next time he will be able to nurse? I nurse ds with dd in the mid-morning, at afternoon naptime and occasionally before dinner. So he knows when to expect to nurse, when he cannot nurse, and is always told when he can nurse again. Toddlers thrive on consistency and being able to predict what will come next, maybe he is unsure of if/when he can nurse again and so doesn't want to unlatch?

I have also found that explaining frequently that we need to leave enough milk for dd bc she can't eat food yet has helped a lot.

And does he have any food/drinks he loves? could you say, "DS, poor baby. Baby is too little to eat/drink xyz. Baby can ONLY drink milk. That is why we have to save milk for baby. You are so lucky you get to have xyz and you don't have to only have mommy's milk!!" Helped me get DS excited about not trying to fill up on breastmilk.

How old is your baby? We had tantrums etc when unlatching for the first 2 months and now things have calmed down. I just assumed it was a normal part of the tandem nursing transition.

[mrsfrazier]

Originally Posted by Ish'smom

He wouldn't let go again today so we are taking another break. I told him he can nurse in the morning. This is so frustrating.

Can you pump and give him some in a sippy cup as a back up? This will be important heading into flu season too. My toddler just had a cold last week and wanted to tandem nurse waaaay more than I could handle, and that was the best compromise I could come up with.