Originally Posted by vbactivist
Thank you for your reply. I get that. But then I wonder, you must have gotten along long enough to make a baby? I guess I wish ultimately that people wouldn't have sexual relationships with each other if they are not prepared to provide a loving stable home for their potential off spring. Do you (in general) believe that people really change that much? Like someone thinks they're getting a certain person, and they do, but 5 years later that person is a completely different one?
sorry for the ramble.
Yes. I've been there. I was that person. The man I kicked out in 2000, and finally divorced in 2002, wasn't even remotely close to the person I married. Some of that was change. Some of that was some (subtle) missed warning signs. A lot of it was that he was a talented liar and created a persona that appealed to me. But, he kept it up for years
- we'd been together 6.5 years when we got married. When we split up, everybody blamed me - everybody. Then, his buddy that he went to live with after the breakup learned a few things. He flat-out apologized for the things he'd said about me, including the line, "I couldn't live with him for a month - I have no idea how you did it for almost 10 years."
We used to get along great. On a purely surface level, we got along right up until the breakup. If I found myself in the same room as him today, we could probably have a fun, animated, and even friendly, conversation about what Iron Maiden and Rush are up to, what books we'd read recently, how old friends are doing, etc. But, all the other stuff - carrying our own weight, ethics, values, etc. - we're not even in the same universe now.
And, I was completely ready to provide a loving, stable home for our offspring...all four of the ones I wanted, as a matter of fact. He, however, wasn't...and claimed he was...and was super uncle to his nephew...and said all the right things...and lit up when I got pregnant...and supported me through labour and post-op from the c-section...and when a diaper needed changing at 2:00 am, he was there. He said and did all the right things...until our son was about two. That's when I found out some of the not right things that had been going on behind my back since ds1 was about six months old. That's also when a lot of the wrong things started coming out of hiding.