Originally Posted by beesknees
Skimmed most of the replies...agree with some of what has been said. From my experience with parents who divorced when I was eight years old, yes the divorce was traumatic, but we adapted (three siblings + me) but just as we were getting adjusted both parents re-married extreme opposites. Our living situation was every other year, every other weekend, every other holiday (all in the same town-to provide stability
) What was even harder was to see my parents put all this effort into second marriages with people we had horrible clashes with...
Now, I don't get this at all. I have a good friend who has a stepdad that she's never been able to get along with. I've known her since we were kids, when the guy was living with them, but they weren't married yet. He was sooo nasty to her (a lot of it just in a totally clueless about kids way, but far from all of it). Her mom blew off everything she ever said about the guy, and went ahead and married him. My friend grew up in a really toxic environment with this guy who just didn't give a crap about her...and
she felt that her mom didn't, either, because why would she make my friend live with this guy??
When dh moved in with me (long distance relationship for a year), ds1 had met him multiple times, and really enjoyed his company. DH felt that if we were going to be a family, it was important that they got along. In dh's opinion, that meant being a loving person, and also
meant doing things...volunteering as a Cub Scout leader in ds1's troop, helping him with homework, etc. I wouldn't even have considered having him move in if he and ds1 didn't get along, and I would never, ever have married him. That's just not a fair thing to do to a kid, imo.