PAL mamas - check in

[cristeen]

How are you ladies doing?

Most days I'm doing good, some days I have waves of the "what ifs"... which aren't helped by the fact that a childhood friend just had her new LO land in the NICU after birth because of a congenital defect... that just opened up the can o'fears again.

How are the rest of you doing?

[deymm]

Yeah, definitely having some fears resurface here. Trying to keep the focus on having a healthy baby.

[lisa_nc]

I've been having a lot of emotions resurface. I spent about 20 minutes crying with my midwife on Wednesday and it was the first time I had cried in quite some time. I've felt the need to talk about him lately, but no one really wants to hear it. I'll have inappropriate moments with strangers where I give them way too much information about our son in response to simple questions like "What number baby is this?" I don't know. I am kind of a mess sometimes, to be honest. I feel guilty for focusing on him, like I am ungrateful for the new baby. It's not that. I just wonder who he'd be. Gosh, I am rambling and not even making sense.

I think part of it may be the 1 year anniversary in early October.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by lisa_nc

I feel guilty for focusing on him, like I am ungrateful for the new baby. It's not that. I just wonder who he'd be. Gosh, I am rambling and not even making sense.

I think you're making perfect sense. I have these same questions all the time. What would he have looked like, would he have loved dinosaurs or cars, or... what would he have wanted to be when he grew up? And then how is this little one going to be different? Unfortunately those are not questions I will ever have answers to, as much as I want them. I can't feel guilt for asking those questions though - or I'd never come out from under it.