When you see someone out in public babywearing

[Mom to E and A]

"incorrectly" Do you say anything?
I often want to say that "you would be much more comfortable if you spread the fabric out a little lower on your shoulder" or something similar, but am afraid to offend them.
Do you say anything? What do you say?

[lifeguard]

I'm curious too. I was in a store yesterday & woman had her newborn in a moby but she had the fabric only to about his armpits & he was asleep so she was trying to hold his head with one hand while loading her groceries. She was totally losing the benefit of being handsfree. But I physically couldn't get to where she was & didn't want to shout across other people to her. But I really wasn't sure if I would say something if I had been able to.

[femalephish]

Oh, don't say anything!

I am STILL nervous to wrap in public because I am afraid people will think I am doing it wrong! It's bad enough that I feel like mainstream moms are judging me.

also, I'm always holding DD's head when she falls asleep- when I try to tuck her head in she wakes up and I would rather not wake her.

[jocelyndale]

I just ask if the parent wants a hand. "I noticed you have your sling fabric bunched up around your neck, it might be more comfortable if you spread it out a bit. Would you like me to help you?" "Hey, I see your babe's bottom is about to slip out, want me to hold the slack while you retie?" "Oh, wow, your wee one is really buried in that pouch. Do you have a receiving blanket you can put under his back? You don't want his chin to touch his chest like that--it could impede his airflow."

I really appreciate a hand when I'm using something new to me, especially the wrap I'm trying to figure out. And I have never minded someone stopping to gently offer a hand or correct something that was quite likely causing me pain.

Obviously I don't touch their children (unless I'm asked to do so). And I've never had someone act offended (to my face, anyhow).

I almost always refer the person to another local MDC mama who is an absolute whiz at babywearing. May as well send some business her way.

[AFWife]

Personally, I would appreciate someone with more knowledge coming up and helping me be comfortable. I would imagine that some women would give up BW because of discomfort that could be avoided by a helping hand...

[marsipan]

i think i would have appreciated the help! it took a lot of trial and error at home first, having someone more experienced would have been great.

[alfabetsoup]

I have! Only once--a woman had her toddler on her back in an ergo and she hadn't shaken him down enough. He looked like he could fall out so I just said, let me give this a tug back here. I did, she smiled and said thanks and we went our separate ways.

[Sam'sInLovex2]

Good Morning!
I have been the new mom/first time baby wearer who needed correction and got it from a super nice granola mom! I made the classic mistake of letting the fabric around my ring sling roll up like a bra strap (The instructions that made sense when I was 7 months pregnant just weren't cutting through the fog of new mommydom, nursing, etc). I was fortunate that a super crunchy granola mom stopped me in the grocery store and set me straight.

Having said that, I just tried to help another mom with her sling last weekend, and she seemed really embarrassed. I told myself that 1) I needed the good karma and 2)she was probably as self-conscious about being a baby wearer as I was in the beginning (almost no AP moms in this area).

I say go for it!

Sam

[lisavark]

I do it all the time, but I start a conversation first. Usually about how much I love their baby and their carrier. Then I ask if it's comfortable like that and say *I* found it more comfortable when I did X. Then I recommend the local babywearing group and write down the website for them.

[possum]

Originally Posted by femalephish

Oh, don't say anything!

. . .
also, I'm always holding DD's head when she falls asleep- when I try to tuck her head in she wakes up and I would rather not wake her.

I wouldn't start out correcting them unless a baby was about to get hurt. You wouldn't believe how many non-experts want to *help* you with baby wearing. (Old ladies who want to help me with my wrap in the parking lot make me giggle.) I'm not saying anything about present company's qualifications here, but unless you know the whole story as well as the proper way to use a carrier, it's best to MYOB. There have been points in our BWing experience when my son would NOT have his head tucked in. Sometimes, he wouldn't do arms either. It was still better for us to have him tied on me than in a bucket or trying to hold him without a carrier and do whatever else I was doing.
I think if I saw something dangerous going on, I would try to casually mention it, "Hey mama, I just noticed your baby's dangling from one leg out the back of your carrier." Well, hopefully she'd know already if it were that bad.
If it's *just* a matter of mama's comfort or my knowing a bit more because I've been doing it for a long time, I would keep it to myself.
I have engaged BWing mamas in public (some with issues BWing and some not) and invited them to the BWing meeting in our area.
Just today, I saw a lady with an ill-fitting pouch, but I just smiled as we passed in the craft store 'cause she seemed to have enough going on supporting her LO in the pouch and pushing her cart.
Melinda

[lalemma]

Unless the kid were actually on the verge of slipping out or something, I'm pretty much a mind-my-own-dang-business kind of person. For all I know the little one prefers being worn that "wrong" way!

[apple_juice]

Originally Posted by femalephish

Oh, don't say anything!

I am STILL nervous to wrap in public because I am afraid people will think I am doing it wrong! It's bad enough that I feel like mainstream moms are judging me.

also, I'm always holding DD's head when she falls asleep- when I try to tuck her head in she wakes up and I would rather not wake her.

This. My G would never tolerate the Moby pulled over his head. He is 20 months and freaks the moment he wakes in the ergo to find the hood up.

[Quirky]

I absolutely offer to help whenever I can, especially if I see it worn in a way that's a) unsafe for baby or b) uncomfortable for the parent. It's not judgmental -- it's an offer of help, and I have been able to do it many times without giving offense. I also carry my babywearing group cards with me that have websites like TBW printed on them for help.

I do the same thing whenever I can when I see a bucket car seat being used incorrectly, BTW -- esp. because when I see straps that are too loose, I am extremely concerned about the safety issue.

I think a big smile and a friendly, helpful demeanor go a long way to making other parents feel that I'm offering to help in all sincerity, not trying to make them feel bad about doing it wrong.

[terrabella]

Anyone who is familiar with anthropology, knows that there is no right or wrong way to wear a child.

There are however, more ergonomic ways.

I feel that trusting/non-judgmental, honest, straightforward and helpful approach is simplest.

"What a cutie. Does he prefer it like that, or do you need a hand there? Ok. I just always prefer to err on the side of offering help, there were so many times that my hands were full, and I would have loved it if someone would have offered to tighten the straps. "

"Hello. Is it your preference to tie it loosely, or do you need an extra hand tightening it up? Oh I know, they always seem to loosen up as soon as they doze off, don't they? If there is one thing I've learned, it's don't be afraid to tie tightly! "

"Hey, do want me to tuck his head in, or does he hate that? "

"Oh, you know, that irritated my daughter too. Can I show you what worked out best for us? Here she just loved it like this."

"Oh, don't you just *love* it when they lean back like that? Can I pull it up for you, or will she just push it down again? I know, who knew staring up at flourecsent lighting could be so thrilling?"

[Blueone]

Originally Posted by apple_juice

This. My G would never tolerate the Moby pulled over his head. He is 20 months and freaks the moment he wakes in the ergo to find the hood up.

My sons the same, he hates it. So I end up holding his head all the time. Sometimes I get away with tucking him, but then he'll move his head and look all awkward. He has great head control while awake though because of it!

I wouldn't mind if someone tried to correct me. Sometimes I feel like I got him in wrong. But if it was just about his head, then I'd probably just smile and nod since he hates his head in there.

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by possum

I think if I saw something dangerous going on, I would try to casually mention it, "Hey mama, I just noticed your baby's dangling from one leg out the back of your carrier."

I wouldn't mind a little help. Esp. since there aren't many babywearers in this area.

[FMB]

Originally Posted by femalephish

Oh, don't say anything!

I am STILL nervous to wrap in public because I am afraid people will think I am doing it wrong! It's bad enough that I feel like mainstream moms are judging me.

also, I'm always holding DD's head when she falls asleep- when I try to tuck her head in she wakes up and I would rather not wake her.

Ditto this! I feel exactly the same way and on top of that I'm shy and would feel even more self-conscious / less inclined to wear the wrap if folks corrected me, however gently. Obviously, say something if baby is in danger, but otherwise, it's honestly probably best not to say anything.

[Ldavis24]

I'd be happy for the advice if I am doing something wrong but I have yet to see anyone around here wearing their LO in anything but a bjorn so I won't hold my breath!

[funkymamajoy]

I don't say anything because it always seems like the few times I run into a babywearing mom is one of the few times I left DS in baby bucket.