Hi everyone,
I've only posted in this forum a few times, but am hoping that some of you might have some advice. Forgive me if I ramble...
Background - I was married to my husband for eight years, and have two daughters, 4 and 8. I came out two years ago and left the marriage - and the time since has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows.
I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half. We moved in together last October, we realized clearly the pressure we were putting on our relationship to move in together so quickly, but were left with few options financially (I had been a SAHM, had no income and really needed to move out of my ex-husbands house. He is a dear, amazing man, but I felt his natural anger and grief process were negatively impacting the kids).
For the last year, we have had many issues involving the kids and our different styles and beliefs about parenting (she is much more traditional, was raised in a military home – I’m NFL, GD, etc), but kept working things out.
Lately though, it has really been getting me down. We've had some major blowups surrounding the kids behaviors and the way she feels about how I'm handling things. It feels sometimes like we hold such fundamentally different core values about parenting that we'll never manage to bridge the differences, and my parenting is informed by such deeply held and deeply considered beliefs that compromise is difficult.
Sitting across from her tonight and hearing her explain that she thought there were times when physical punishment was absolutely necessary, the only thing that would work, would build strength and character…I was just struck by this overwhelming sadness, and am so unsure about how to navigate through this. I think she believes that the only thing that really matters is that she not disrespect me by using physical punishment, but to me, our beliefs speak to core values that do inform and impact the way we parent in a million different ways. …
(agh, I am rambling and cannot seem to help myself)
Anyway, I know this is not technically a specifically queer parenting issue, so maybe this does not belong here – but to me it feels as if there are some dynamics that are different in a female-female parenting relationship than a female-male one (at least in my experience and in discussions with friends). I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation, or might have some advice or experience to share.
Jeanette
I've only posted in this forum a few times, but am hoping that some of you might have some advice. Forgive me if I ramble...
Background - I was married to my husband for eight years, and have two daughters, 4 and 8. I came out two years ago and left the marriage - and the time since has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows.
I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half. We moved in together last October, we realized clearly the pressure we were putting on our relationship to move in together so quickly, but were left with few options financially (I had been a SAHM, had no income and really needed to move out of my ex-husbands house. He is a dear, amazing man, but I felt his natural anger and grief process were negatively impacting the kids).
For the last year, we have had many issues involving the kids and our different styles and beliefs about parenting (she is much more traditional, was raised in a military home – I’m NFL, GD, etc), but kept working things out.
Lately though, it has really been getting me down. We've had some major blowups surrounding the kids behaviors and the way she feels about how I'm handling things. It feels sometimes like we hold such fundamentally different core values about parenting that we'll never manage to bridge the differences, and my parenting is informed by such deeply held and deeply considered beliefs that compromise is difficult.
Sitting across from her tonight and hearing her explain that she thought there were times when physical punishment was absolutely necessary, the only thing that would work, would build strength and character…I was just struck by this overwhelming sadness, and am so unsure about how to navigate through this. I think she believes that the only thing that really matters is that she not disrespect me by using physical punishment, but to me, our beliefs speak to core values that do inform and impact the way we parent in a million different ways. …
(agh, I am rambling and cannot seem to help myself)
Anyway, I know this is not technically a specifically queer parenting issue, so maybe this does not belong here – but to me it feels as if there are some dynamics that are different in a female-female parenting relationship than a female-male one (at least in my experience and in discussions with friends). I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation, or might have some advice or experience to share.
Jeanette
