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How would you react to this? - Page 2

post #21 of 118
I forgot to add that being confronted does make one feel defensive. I think confronting the mom was over the line really. She was not wrong for telling her daughter what she did and no one should have called her out for it, I think she deserves an apology for that.
post #22 of 118
I think it's a little more shocking the way it sounded--a hard penis feels good. But I also could see how the innocent conversation could have led to that. I wouldn't be upset if my DD heard that.

My DD just turned three and she is very curious and matter of fact about body related issues. She wanted to know all about birth, and she tells people that a baby is very tiny in the mom's belly then grows bigger and bigger and one day gets so big that it crawls out a special hallway next to the pee-pee hole. Then it gets milk from the mom's boobies. This horrified my dad when she explained it to him. I can see how questions about HOW the baby gets into the belly might not be too far off...I would rather be honest and answer her questions than make it into something mysterious or lie.

I also don't understand how your friend is selectively lying? What she said seems like the whole truth!
post #23 of 118
I would have no problem with that conversation. I think it's perfectly reasonable for a 5 year old to have all that information.

Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
I think it's important that kids learn about this as their natural curiosity arises about it, and not have the information thrust upon them unsuspectingly.
Why? How would it harm them to be given the information when they hadn't thought to ask for it? Don't you give your kids all kinds of other information they haven't specifially asked for? Yeah, sex is a topic that kids could potentially be embarrassed to hear about, but that seems more likely if you wait until they're older, and also if you give them the message that it's a difficult, embarrassing subject by never bringing it up until they basically force you to by asking direct questions.
post #24 of 118
See....I would be opposite to most here. I would have a problem with it. I would mention it to my friend (nicely). Sure I am sure that it started out innocently but for me I don't think 5 y/o is an age to discuss full details with. I am one who teaches proper names (penis, breasts, scrotum) but still would have difficulty talking this indepth at that age. That's just me though
post #25 of 118
I think it's a very good idea for kids to have reliable information and also to feel comfortable asking and talking about things that might be embarrassing. Especially considering that many girls begin to menstruate at only age 8 or 9 these days, they should have a pretty good grasp of concepts of human sexuality before then right? Also, I think girls especially deserve the truth, because sometimes it really hurts when a baby is born, and sometimes menstruating is really uncomfortable, but sex really is supposed to feel good and girls & women even have a special body part fully devoted to feeling good. I don't think anything I've said here would be bad info for a 5 year old- but my daughter is only 2, I don't know.
post #26 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by lonegirl View Post
See....I would be opposite to most here. I would have a problem with it. I would mention it to my friend (nicely). Sure I am sure that it started out innocently but for me I don't think 5 y/o is an age to discuss full details with. I am one who teaches proper names (penis, breasts, scrotum) but still would have difficulty talking this indepth at that age. That's just me though

I can see if you aren't ready to talk to your daughter about this, but what would you expect the other mom to do?
post #27 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
I can see if you aren't ready to talk to your daughter about this, but what would you expect the other mom to do?

the mom had nothing to do with it ... it was two 5 year olds talking to each other, so how can the mom control that kind of conversation? i teach my little ones about sex and their bodies but certainly cannot control what they might say to a friend.
post #28 of 118
My DD is 5 and my DS is 3.5, and they have recently asked about "but how does the baby get IN there?" so we had the conversation. Twice so far, actually. My kids know that sperm and egg each have half of the information required to create a baby, and the sperm and egg need to combine. Mom has eggs, dad has sperm, and dad put his penis into mom's vagina to deliver the sperm to the egg.

My kids haven't asked for more information than that, but if they did ask I would certainly talk more about the mechanics of sex with them. I'm hoping to build up an environment of matter-of-fact answers and trust, so they will feel okay talking to me when they are pre-teens and their peers tell them all sorts of weird things about sex.

We attend a weekly playgroup with ten other moms and their kids, who are mostly around 5, too. I've fully warned the other moms about the information my kids have. They've mostly laughed and told me they'll send their kids to me for the talk when they start asking questions. I've apologized in advance for anything my kids might say to their kids, and nobody is avoiding us, so I guess they're okay with it.
post #29 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Why? How would it harm them to be given the information when they hadn't thought to ask for it? Don't you give your kids all kinds of other information they haven't specifially asked for?
Sex is natural. Like birth and death, disease, etc.. I'm not going to start explaining death or disease unless there is a context for it... usually that happens naturally and as with every other "milestone", the children prompt the parents when they are ready to learn about these things. I think it's logical to just follow your child's lead... as usual for AP. I would no more want a child explaining death to my dd than I would birth or sex... because how we explain it may not be how another family explains it. That's why I say that if a child is trusted with information on sensitive subjects, they should also be trusted to keep it to themselves.

Sure, I give dd information she needs to operate within her world. Currently, sex is not part of that world. When she's ready to know, she will naturally become curious about it and I will make sure she has all the information that is AGE APPROPRIATE. By the time she is ready to have sex, she will have all of the information she needs. At 7.5, she neither wants, nor does she need to understand the mechanics of sex.
post #30 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
Sure, I give dd information she needs to operate within her world. Currently, sex is not part of that world. When she's ready to know, she will naturally become curious about it and I will make sure she has all the information that is AGE APPROPRIATE. By the time she is ready to have sex, she will have all of the information she needs. At 7.5, she neither wants, nor does she need that information.
And a lot of kids are at that level of curiosity long before 7.5. I'm the oldest of 5 siblings, and I knew the biological basics of sex long before 7.5 . . . why was I curious? Well, because my mom was popping out another kid every 18-24 months. At 7.5 I had 4 younger siblings.

I also recall that I discussed the knowledge I had with other kids before or around that age. Kids who were convinced that kissing lead to babies and other such nonsense. Kids don't have a filter on things that are just part of life to them.
post #31 of 118
I wouldn't react it's not quite the way i would have worded it but at least it's the truth too many kids are under the illusion that the baby just magicly appears in mummys tummy and then one day mummy goes to the hospital and wow a baby.
I've told my lo's where baby comes from just in more kiddy terms (girl parts and boy parts) i've also told chloe that having a baby hurts a lot.
post #32 of 118
I probably just would have told the mom that her DD was, infact, telling so that she could maybe remind her not to just tell random people how babies are made- in case their parents don't want them to know just yet.
I don't have too much of a problem with what she did tell her though. DD found out how they're made when she was 6 and I was pregnant. She also had strict instructions to keep it quite, just like she would have if I had told her Santa wasn't real.
post #33 of 118
I think it sounds totally appropriate.
post #34 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
so how i feel about her saying it? perfectly fine. the hard and good is a little 'shocking' to me - but i can understand the mom is making sure dd doesnt think of it as something undesirable.
I've only read to here, but i don't find it shocking, because I remember telling ds1 that it felt good, when he was about 5 or 6. He'd asked a lot of questions, and also wouldn't settle for vague answers. When we got to the "penis into the vagina" thing, he got really upset, and thought it must hurt the woman. I'd far rather tell him that it feels good than let him go through life thinking his daddy was hurting his mommy all the time (this all came up after my second miscarriage), yk?
post #35 of 118
I would react by saying that this is true information and getting the book for kids that goes more in depth about how baby's are made. My dd hasn't pushed to know exactly how the sperm gets inside to get to the egg yet so I haven't told her about that part, but if she pushed or heard about some of that aspect from a friend I would definitely get some educational books about it and use them as talking points. Most parents select what they are going to teach their children about and that differs from family to family. I don't think this girl's mother has done anything wrong nor has the girl done anything wrong.
post #36 of 118
Having read the rest of the thread...the "hard" part doesn't even begin to faze me. Honestly, the inclusion of that word strongly suggests to me that this child had a Q&A session with her mom (similar to the one described by cschick in post 14). I could see the idea of the penis getting hard being a natural response to a child's question, but I've never known a mom who just randomly told her kids that a man puts his "hard" penis in a woman's vagina, yk?
post #37 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
That's why I say that if a child is trusted with information on sensitive subjects, they should also be trusted to keep it to themselves.

The problem comes in that some kids are ready to know this information before they are able to keep secrets.

Quite frankly, it's a really hard line to walk between teaching a child that it's not polite to start talking about hard penises and vaginas and baby making to just anyone and making sure they aren't ashamed of talking about sex at all, thinking that it's such a secret thing that maybe if someone touches them they should just keep it to themselves. I'd rather my child err on the side of being too open about sex than being too secretive about it.
post #38 of 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
When she's ready to know, she will naturally become curious about it and I will make sure she has all the information that is AGE APPROPRIATE. By the time she is ready to have sex, she will have all of the information she needs. At 7.5, she neither wants, nor does she need to understand the mechanics of sex.
Why would we question if this particular child is ready? Yours might not have asked questions yet, but this particular child might very well be.

I wasn't looking forward to my own dd bringing up sex, at age 5 she only knew about sperm and egg, but never asked me how the sperm meets the egg. About a year ago she asked me more questions, and it feeling good did come up because she looked scared and asked why would anybody do that.

Now I never asked my Mom anything about sex. My Mom was very open when ever I asked questions about anything, but for what ever reason I never wondered where babies came from. I was near 11 when I asked my Mom. Seems crazy to me now that it took me that long to be curious, but as the youngest child I guess I never had a reason to wonder.

My dd attends a private christian school, so I told her that I trusted her that she would keep this information to herself for now. That talking about sex is a conversation between a child and their parent, not their friends.

She has come home from school several times telling me that "so and so talked about sex", both times the kid asked dd if she knew what it was, and she replied yes, they said "no you don't" and dd said you need to talk to your mom about this. Or maybe dd and the other child talked about what sex is, and this is just what she told me. Either way, kids are curious, and information gets around. It's natural to talk about it IMO.
post #39 of 118
I wouldn't be uncomfortable at all.. In fact, I'd probably LMAO (later) at the five-year-old sex conversation

It may seem strange to hear all of those words looped into one very mature sentence, but it's important to understand the context- which was that the girl was interested in where babies came from and she effectively learned the who, what, how and why..

My kids would surely shock you with some of their, ehem, knowledge

(and I also agree with the pp that mom should get an apology for the 'confrontation' since, IMO, she did nothing wrong..)
post #40 of 118
I am also one of the mamas that wouldn't bat an eye at that conversation. Like a pp suggested, it would bother me more to hear a child explain that a stork drops off a baby or it grows in a cabbage patch. I wouldn't correct that child or his/her parent, of course, but I would reinforce my child's knowledge about the subject later on in private.

I can see, without any hesitation, how a conversation about sex may have easily come to include the words "good" and "hard." When DS and I discussed sex he also was afraid that it hurt and I reassured him that it didn't. I am very matter-of-fact about sex with both of my kids... just like I am about other issues. We have also talked about the fact that all families handle these issues differently and that they aren't conversations to have with friends, strangers or other people who we wouldn't discuss other private issues with.

So no, it wouldn't bother me at all and I would be hurt if my child happened to talk about it and other parents were angry with me.
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