Worries cause problems at homebirth?

[mrscompgeek]

I have 4 weeks til my due date and its starting to sink in that this is REALLY happening. . Lol, I know a little late to realize that now! We took Bradley classes and I have read every book I can get my hands on so I feel prepared. But in the back of my mind I have this concern about the pain. That something will go wrong, that my midwife will not make it on time. . etc. all the worries of a first time mom. My question is I have heard that women having concerns or worries about labor or birth it can cause labor to stall. Im trying really hard to let my fears go and concentrate on being ready but Im just afraid that once labor actually starts Ill panic and Im concerned about what that might do to me as far as stalling labor or causing more pain? Maybe Im just too worried and this isnt making any sense.

[jenfl]

I had my first as a homebirth and was pretty nervous, too! I don't think it's reasonable to not be nervous about such a big thing!

The only thing that I could do to reassure myself was to think about how much I trust my midwife, run through various scenarios in my head, and read lots of positive birth stories.

And if I thought I was nervous those weeks before the labor, I was very nearly TERRIFIED when my water actually broke!

But once labor got going, I just couldn't worry any more. The experience is so overwhelming, it'll just carry you away. Your body will know what to do, even if your mind doesn't.

And my midwife DIDN'T make it in time. The backup midwife -- who I'd only met once -- came after I had started to push. And it worked out great. And I'm doing it again this time.

[ErinsJuneBug]

oh i was pleanty worried before hand. It helped me to go over every single possible complication with my midwives and what they would do/what would happen. I had 100% trust in them. As soon as i went into labor all the fear went away and it was total excitement. I had an amazing homebirth, and you will too!

[Astraia]

I called my midwife once contractions seemed to be "real" to give her a heads up, and I found it a lot easier to relax once I knew she knew what was going on.

In advance- I read a lot, I tried to have positive birthing thoughts and I knew what to do if anything went wrong (even though I knew the midwife would be there) and it helped me stay calm.

I was worried my mom and sister wouldn't make it in time, and my labour slowed considerably once I started to actually worry they weren't going to be there, but sped up as soon as they arrived.

I agree with a PP though- that once things get rolling, the worries get pushed back and you just focus on the labour, your body, your baby. They might occur to you in between contractions, but it all fades away during, which doesn't really give you the time to dwell on unfounded concerns!

[Pookietooth]

Where are good places to read positive home birthing stories?

[mrscompgeek]

Thanks ladies! It helps so much to hear that Im not to totally weird that Im freaking out. Im ready to do it to prove to some "people" that keep telling me Im totally putting me and my baby in danger, 10 minutes to the hospital in case of a emergency is too far, blah blah blah. I just wanna show them I can do it! Lol. I havent let anyone know that Im a bit terrified right now but its nice to be able to share my fears and get such positive responses on here!! Thanks again!

[mpickens]

Im 4 weeks from due date as well and just recently had reservations especially since my mother in law comes from a medical background and thinks I am nuts for considering an HBAC. I ended up having a special meeting held at my house with my midwife and concerned ones and we hashed it all out. At this point I try to surround myself with supportive and positive thinking people. Not in the mood to use energy to try and convince people of our choice anymore.

I did the Bradley classes as well. I think reading positive birth stories (good ones in Ina May's Birthing from within) and thinking positive will help. I really think being mentally prepared is SOOO important. I also just read Mind Over Labor which helps relaxation and focus on positive, and things that will help you visualize your homebirth and situation.

I am routing for us I think we will do just fine in the upcoming month..best of luck!

[BeckyBird]

You know, it's sad, but that is why a lot of people hide their homebirths until after the baby is born. I wish people would be more supportive! They don't realize that all their negativity is actually more harmful than good. I've become a lot more secretive about our baby decisions--like names, not vaxxing, not getting an ultrasound, etc. People don't understand that it is YOUR baby, your body, and your decision! I wish you all the support in the whole world! And most likely, your labor will start off slowly and work its way up, so you will have lots of time to deal with it. It won't be as bad as you think. Just tell yourself that you are doing this because you believe it will benefit your baby and you too!

[greenthumb3]

From what you share, your worries sound totally normal. I think it's the deep stuff that stalls labor usually. Usually based-on-past-trauma or deep-seated-unresolved kind of stuff. (I could get into that, but I don't think I need to)

I still recall my mucus plug coming out and having some pinkish show as labor just began with my first son. I distinctly recall a rush of excitement--it was really here! LABOR! He was 10 days past his due date so I was WAY happy...and then an immediate rush of panic! Oh, no, what will it BE like?? Can I really do this? I said a quick prayer and then felt capable and ready to go. Some worries came as labor progressed, but my support people helped me stay calm and focused and answered my questions ("Is that blood dripping out normal?" "Um, yes!")

As you work on relaxing during the contraction, and resting in between, and stay focused on what you are doing (as well as have positive support people around you) those worries will ease and your focus will sharpen on what you are doing. You can do this!

[mrscompgeek]

Originally Posted by BeckyBird

You know, it's sad, but that is why a lot of people hide their homebirths until after the baby is born. I wish people would be more supportive! They don't realize that all their negativity is actually more harmful than good. I've become a lot more secretive about our baby decisions--like names, not vaxxing, not getting an ultrasound, etc. People don't understand that it is YOUR baby, your body, and your decision! I wish you all the support in the whole world! And most likely, your labor will start off slowly and work its way up, so you will have lots of time to deal with it. It won't be as bad as you think. Just tell yourself that you are doing this because you believe it will benefit your baby and you too!

Exactly! Just yesterday at church a lady (registered nurse) asked me if my hospital bag is packed. I was like, um, not really Im working on it. Because its true, I am in the midst of packing a emergency bag if I have to transfer. But honestly I just didnt want to get into it with someone on how dangerous it is.

greenthumb3- Thanks! And I do have a very supportive friend who has told me that when labor starts to text message her and she will be praying so that makes me feel a bit better knowing I have someone that I KNOW will be praying and not freaking out if labor goes a while and calling constantly wanting to know how its going.

[msmiranda]

It was my second birth, but the day I went into very early labor I had a complete meltdown because my baby was posterior and I was afraid that it would make for a long, painful labor. I was crying and sad for hours, fearing transfer and c-section, etc. Right after that I started having what I thought were Braxton Hicks that lasted all night and into the next day. I had only 3 hours of active labor and the baby was born! It was a very easy labor and birth. So worrying doesn't always lead to consequences for your labor. I agree with PPs that once you are in labor, you'll be focused on that and won't have time or mental space to be afraid -- that was what happened to me both times. Good luck, I'm sure you'll have a great birth!

[S.Elise]

I agree with greenthumb, that deep, unacknowledged fears are the ones that stall things. That's what happened to me last time (everything worked out perfectly, anyway, though, it just took a while.) Last time, I sort of supressed by fears the entire preg and convinced myself I was totally looking forward to the birth and was 100% sure I could do it. I also over-prepared...I was still reading my "Active Birth" book during my earliest contractions.

So this time, what I'm doing is this: admitting and working through my fears in advance, then when it gets down to crunch time, I am going to stop reading/thinking and trust in my mw, doula, body and decisions.

[beesknees]

I think as other posters have said that those kind of fears are very normal for a first pregnancy, regardless of where it will be. I remember for my first (which was surrounded by some real stressful issues) I had a major freak out realizing that the baby was eventually going to be making an exit, thinking I wasn't up to it, I couldn't do it, and then I said yes I can, I can do this. Literally seconds later my water broke. Once things got started I focused on breathing and just stayed in the moment, and labor went smoothly. I think a little fear of the unknown is perfectly natural and not anything that will cause a barrier to things going as you hope.

[Peace+Hope]

maybe i'm annoying to be posting since i'm first tri pregnant w/ #1, but i just wanted to say hi, and give you a .

i've read a lot of moms say the bradley stuff didn't really include pain coping help, as thorough and great as it is w/ other stuff. maybe poking around here for threads would be good.

deep breathing, visualizing your body successfully doing what it needs to do, journaling about your fears are all things i've picked up and am doing/going to do. it's never too late to do those things, and just a few minutes of any/all is helpful!

[xmasbaby7]

I think pregnancy is a fascinating time to get to know one's self better, and I found that I had to confront lots of mental stuff, and I started thinking that the body is designed to clean out its closet in pregnancy in order to have an uncomplicated mind for the birth.

Do you think your fears around birth match the way your anxiety appears in your life outside of birth and pregnancy, or do you feel a new pattern of "panic"?

Do you have access to the hypnobirthing book? Do you have the tapes you can borrow from someone at least? Fear management IS pain management.

If you feel off right into the birth, you should tell your midwife. Sometimes our bodies know something we don't, and it can help your midwife look for any underlying problems.

I loved Baby Catcher and Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart to read one birth story after another.

Spend some completely silent time everyday meditating with your hands on your belly, and concentrating on your body and how you feel. Breathe and see if you can stop your monkey mind and dig into your body.