How to handle the times when you loose it?

[MamatoPeach]

So I try to be an 'unconditional love' gentle mama. I am due with #2 soon and I think I am running out of patience lately. I have been trying to clean and I know she is getting neglected from my attention while I am 'nesting' I snapped at her today because she kept pulling my glasses down, her bottom lip went out and she started to cry, I knew I broke her heart. I never yell at her like that. I also snapped at her twice earlier because she wouldnt let me cut her nails.

I feel so bad, I told her that mommy was mean, and she is sorry. She repeated it back to me and gave me a hug, I kept telling her I love her and mommy was sorry she made her cry.

What else can I do?

I also noticed that she hit me today a few times when she was mad, which she hasn't done for a long time. Her way of showing she was stressed from my stress I guess.

[ChetMC]

Getting Angry

Unconditional love doesn't mean that you can never get angry or have a bad day. To some extent, it's healthy for kids to see a range of emotions and examples of how to deal with them responsibly.

In the future, I would not self-deprecate and call yourself mean. I would just apologize, and in an age-appropriate way, explain how you're feeling and what you should have done instead.

I don't think you said how old your DD is, but I assume that she is quite young. By the time our girls were 3 though, they were able to call DH and I on inappropriate behaviour. They would tell us when we hurt their feelings, or when they didn't like the kind of voice that we used... and we would apologize.

[MamatoPeach]

Thanks for the reply. She is 2 this weekend. I feel like she doesnt understand why I am so mean all of a sudden. Thanks again

[jojoboy]

I think it's helpful that I screw up so much with my kids. How else are kids going to learn how to apologize?

Anyway, in my house, I just straightforward apologize, using whatever words I feel are appropriate. Then we "make up", where we give hugs and kisses and snuggle a little bit. When I mess up, I take full responsibility for whatever I did. When my son screws up, and I encourage him to apologize, I try to make the reconciliation process something that can happen without tons of blame. So, I talk about how "we were having an argument" (both of us involved), or how "we should make up" (again, a situation involving both of us coming together to make peace).

After that, I consider the matter closed, no matter if it's me or my son who apologized. I don't want my son to feel like his mistakes left a cloud on the entire day, and I don't want my mistakes to do that either. People mess up. Apologize and move forward. This will also help your daughter to be able to do the same in her own life and with her own mistakes.

[Aliyahsmommy]

I have to agree with everyone else. when I snap/yell at my daughter I just apologize. I always tell her I love her, that I'm sorry, and offer a hug or cuddle time. I think it is important that she sees that even I make mistakes and for her to see how I handle them.

[LynnS6]

I apologize. I lose my cool far more often that I'd like. I try to predict and take measures to regroup before it happens, but I'm often not successful.

However, my kids are learning that apologizing is necessary. I yelled at dd (5) about a month ago and then stomped off to my room to regroup. She went outside to play. When she came back in, I was back on the couch calmer, and she looked at me and said "You should apologize for yelling at me."

[yeahmom81]

When I get mad I take a "timeout" and go outside and do breathing exercises for a minute . It seems to calm me down and let me continue with my life