Need thoughts on why DS is only hitting DH

[AJ's mommy]

DS is 27 months and so far doesn't really have problems with hitting people. I did notice in the past couple of weeks though that he will hit DH out of nowhere, not in anger at all but almost like playfully, but in his face most of the time. DH will tell him no, but doesn't really explain why it's not ok to hit him in the face and DS will go back right after and do it again. It does in a way seem like a game to him but I'm not sure why because we don't ever play "hitting" games and he stays home with me all day so he doesn't really see other kids hitting... I told DH to explain to him that it was hurting him and that hitting is unacceptable. But DH thinks saying no should be enough, but I disagree. I always explain why things are not acceptable, but DH doesn't not in this case anyways. Do you think it could be the reason why he hits him and not me? Even if he's not hitting in anger, I tried after the fact to talk to DS not to hit DH and he seems to understand, but keeps doing it at least once a day, normally after dinner. Last night DH was fuming after DS hit him like 3 times but I was there so nothing happened, but I don't want him to lose it and do something he would regret. Any thoughts on why this could be happening? Thanks mamas

[fritz]

BTDT!

For my DS, he was hitting DH as a test/experiment to see what reaction he would get.

I recommended that every.single.time DS hit DH, that DH put him down/step away/stop playing with him (while saying the magic phrases, "Gentle touches," "No hitting"). That's what worked ultimately for me to get DS to stop hitting me. But DH had too much guilt about working outside the home and not spending enough time with DS that DH just couldn't bring himself to cut short their play time. So DS kept hitting DH in the face every now and then.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

Last night DH was fuming after DS hit him like 3 times

I'm not understanding why the focus is on whether or not DH should explain himself. The far bigger problem, in my opinion, is that DH is getting so angry about the normal behavior of a 27 month old child.

Your DH needs to either committ to a new plan (ie walking away) or I would not leave them alone together. I would not leave my child with anyone I was fearful would "lose it."

[deditus]

I have observed that hitting often is the child trying to get physical attention, ie, rough housing, play. Which would be common after dinner, since the food probably gave LO some energy to burn, as well as the need to reconnect with father that is gone during the day. But yes, I do agree that your husband needs to understand that this is a normal age-appropriate behavior and he should not take it personally - like thinking the chid is hitting him in order to specifically hurt him. I agree with explaining EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. that we do not hit because it hurts and do not allow child to continue hitting, but explore what the child is trying to communicate by hitting and teach them how to communicate this w/o hitting.

[AJ's mommy]

Thanks for your input ladies. I wanted to specify that when I said "lose it" I didn't mean he would hit him... he would never ever do that. I was more thinking in the lines of raising his voice a little which we try not to do here. I think DH has a harder time with age-appropriate behaviors because he doesn't have any brothers or sisters and didn't have any cousins his age either growing up. And before DS he was definitively not around toddlers a lot, so he doesn't have any "models" to go by. We have a well behave 27 months old and I think he just needs to lower or totally erase his expectations for a while... But I will keep trying to make him explain to DS why it' not ok to hit him every single time he does, so it doesn't get a bigger problem for us. Especially now that DS2 is coming in 4 weeks