Help? 1 year old DD is loving cat to death and DH losing patience with both!

[pokeyrin]

Not sure if this belongs here...

Our 17 year old cat has recently taken to sleeping in the middle of the room where our 1 year old DD has full access to "love" him to death. The cat used to sleep under furniture where she couldn't get at him, but recently he's decided to just plonk himself down right in the middle of the room where she plays (we live in a small condo). She will go up to him and hug him, smush her face on him or sometimes lay on him. But then she'll start being really rough like yanking his fur, ears and tail and he just sits there and takes it.

We do not want DD to think that it's ok to manhandle the cats (we have two cats, our 2 year old kitty runs away and hides). We've tried redirecting DD, teaching her gentle hands and modeling the behavior.

However DH who is the SAHP is really starting to lose his patience and getting frustrated and mad at having to constantly police cat and DD because cat won't go and hide and DD hasn't learned to be gentle yet. So DH has taken to chasing the cat out of the room or under furniture and he's mad because he expects the cat to react by leaving the room which I don't think it's good to model that behavior to DD either.

I tried to tell DH that all we can do is keep reinforcing positive behavior or distract DD, but he tells me this goes on all day long now and he dpesn't have time to constantly police the two and he's mad at both of them now and is asking me what he can do and I honestly don't have the answers.

Anyone been through this with a pet and baby where the baby is rough with the pet and the pet just takes it? What did you do??

[maeby]

i think it is fine to teach the cat to go away when dd is around, but he shouldnt have to scare it or yell at it.
i have taught my dogs to get up anytime ds (also 1) is coming near them by simply calling for them or making them move everytime he comes by. now they just do it automatically, he crawls or walks to them squealling and they get up and move to the other side of the room. if ds starts getting obsessive with this game and i think they are losing patience then i put them out or shut them in a different room while he is up and about.

occasionally i do help to pet them gently. but for the most part i realize he is too young to expect to be gentle with them all the time on his own and the dogs are well, dogs and i cant trust them to not get annoyed with him so they have been taught that he is first priority and they need to get out of his way for now. later i will teach him that the dogs beds are their beds and he should leave them alone but for now, the dogs learn to go.

good luck!

[Carley]

As a SAHP I completely understand your DH's fustration.

In your situation I'd put the cat & a litterbox in a room with the door shut.

It's clearly on its last legs - I don't think you can teach this cat anything. It would probably just appreciate a nice quiet retirement room.

[phatchristy]

Developmentally at this age she is doing what she behaviorally is normal. Cat = fluffy, cute, stuffed, play thing.

I happened to see your post, I'm one of the 'cat people' regulars who posts on the pet forum.

Obviously, yes, you do want to model proper behavior for her. I'm going to post myself from a previous thread about something like this that I responded to in this forum:

*****
Supervise her to make sure that she does not have direct contact with the cats. Also, I would suggest either making your own "warning noise" or a noise device to warn the cat if the child starts lunging/walking towards them. I have my own noise. A loud, distinct "che-che" which also is their warning to 'move' if they are on an inapproriate surface. So, at this point they understand that noise 'get out of here quick'.

At 18 months old all you can do is model correct behavior for her. You can talk, explain and model to her as she gets older. Eventually, usually around the age of 4 you can safely have some supervised petting sessions/play sessions. Until about that age the child doesn't seem to be able to understand that they're not some cute, fluffy, stuffed animal to play with. They shouldn't be allowed cat access and cat handling abilities until they are old enough.

I've raised all three of my kiddos (and one on the way) with existing older cats. And, I've introduced three new cats who were adults who did not have ANY experience with children. Following those basics I have had no issues with my toddlers/young children. None of my children have even been scratched. And, all of them really respect the cats. Which makes me really proud to see how much (in particular my older two, my DS is still young) they respect the cats and care for them. My two oldest ones enjoy petting them, and participate in feeding/watering and play sessions. And, none of my children are allowed to pick up the cat either...even my oldest, who is near 7. Not until I am assured that she can carefully support a cat properly will I allow it.

*****

All that being said, it seems that your 2 y.o. cat gets it! And most cats will instictively stay away from a toddler--the quick, jerky and unpredictable ways that they often move is usually enough to make them hesitant! A lot of it at this point too can be about training the cat and supervision. If you can eliminate/reduce the cats access to her that is the goal. Eventually as she ages she will able to have interaction with the cats.

Otherwise, if it continues it is allowed to continue it is a serious possibility that the child could be accidentally scratched as the cat tries to flee when it gets hurt. Or worse, if the cat is declawed it may even bite.

[phatchristy]

Oh, and a good 'noise device' also to use for negative association with a cat is something like some coins in a jar or can (I had a small coffee can we filled with some coins that I used when I first adopted my cats to train them to stay off the table).

[pokeyrin]

Thank you for the advice so far.

To clarify this 17 year old cat is not on his last legs, he's still very capable of defending himself while outside and just caught a baby rabbit last month. He frequently play fights with our 2 year old cat and wins.

I guess I'm really surprised that he puts up with my DD because he used to avoid kids like the plague and he used to avoid her. He usually sleeps under the furniture where she can't reach him, but lately he seems to want to hang out around DD and so he places himself right in the middle of her play area.

I also forgot to mention that recently we've been catching him sleeping under her crib at night which is fine when we're all sleeping and her door is open. But before we go to bed (we're in a small condo) we keep her room shut and we heard him meowing to get out.

Guess we're going to have to teach the cat to move away when she gets at him.

[tootaloo78]

My oldest used to get really rough with our cranky female cat (who never once scratched him when he manhandled her and yet clawed me if I didn't feed her on time ). For some reason she wouldn't hide either and I just started moving her myself. I knew that he loved her, he just got carried away no matter how many times I tried to explain gentle touches. If she kept coming back I'd put her litter pan in the bedroom with her and close the door for awhile.

[Carley]

That's one old cat!

Good luck to your husband! I'm sure it will be a huge relief for him to have a solution!

[lifeguard]

Originally Posted by kristinekristine

i think it is fine to teach the cat to go away when dd is around, but he shouldnt have to scare it or yell at it.
i have taught my dogs to get up anytime ds (also 1) is coming near them by simply calling for them or making them move everytime he comes by. now they just do it automatically, he crawls or walks to them squealling and they get up and move to the other side of the room. if ds starts getting obsessive with this game and i think they are losing patience then i put them out or shut them in a different room while he is up and about.

occasionally i do help to pet them gently. but for the most part i realize he is too young to expect to be gentle with them all the time on his own and the dogs are well, dogs and i cant trust them to not get annoyed with him so they have been taught that he is first priority and they need to get out of his way for now. later i will teach him that the dogs beds are their beds and he should leave them alone but for now, the dogs learn to go.

good luck!

This is exactly what we are doing - including with the cats. Our cats don't hang around much though - they're smarter than the dogs!