OK. DS is now eight, back in school for three weeks. We've had a couple of calls from the school already to inform me of some of DS's poor choices.
Last week, he and another boy were trying to put a third boy into a garbage can. When we talked to him about it, he said they were all having fun doing this to start with, but then the third boy started to not like it quite so much, and DS and other boy were still having fun and continued to try to force the other boy in. He lost a couple of recesses and spent some time with the principal talking about his choices and empathy, etc. We also spoke to him at home along the same lines. Because of this incident, he has been instructed to only play on the "A Den" playground only for a while, because that is the playground that is more closely supervised.
I got another call this morning from the principal. She said that today, DS and another boy were playing where they were supposed to be, but she noticed that they weren't sharing the equipment with the other kids. They were using one thing exclusively between them, and other kids were lined up to have a turn, but they weren't letting them. She went over to talk to them, and remind them that the playground is for everyone, and that they needed to share. Everyone gets a turn. She turned away for a moment, and when she looked back, they were doing it again. So she went back to them and again reminded them, and told them that next time, if they weren't going to share, they were going to have to do something else. She said at that point they both looked her in the eye and walked away toward one of the other playground areas (which they have been told they can't use right now). As they walked, they continued looking right at her and smirking a bit.
So this is why she phoned. She was DS's teacher last year, and my feeling was always pretty good about their relationship. She's always been very fair and patient with him, and as she said, he has never been openly defiant towards her. I neglected to ask what she did next...whether he was allowed to get away with it, or if there was an immediate consequence. I know there will be more talking and possibly lost recess time again.
Recently, DS has been making comments like it doesn't matter if you do something bad...nothing will happen anyway. And it doesn't. You sit through a talk, maybe have to spend a recess or two inside...big deal. It's the same thing at home...you sit through a talk, maybe have to spend some extra time with your parents instead of outside playing with friends...big deal. I've been all-in on the gentle discipline thing, but we don't seem to be getting it. It used to work really well...but a fiercely independent 8 y.o. that I know is heading down the wrong path recently (we've noticed a few theings at home, too). I need some consequences with teeth! How can I back her up at home? How can I get him to realize that, yes, he's very smart and 8 years old and in the "senior" class at his school, but that teachers, parents, coaches, etc. do have authority over him, and that he must respect that authority?
Sorry this got longer than I had intended
Last week, he and another boy were trying to put a third boy into a garbage can. When we talked to him about it, he said they were all having fun doing this to start with, but then the third boy started to not like it quite so much, and DS and other boy were still having fun and continued to try to force the other boy in. He lost a couple of recesses and spent some time with the principal talking about his choices and empathy, etc. We also spoke to him at home along the same lines. Because of this incident, he has been instructed to only play on the "A Den" playground only for a while, because that is the playground that is more closely supervised.
I got another call this morning from the principal. She said that today, DS and another boy were playing where they were supposed to be, but she noticed that they weren't sharing the equipment with the other kids. They were using one thing exclusively between them, and other kids were lined up to have a turn, but they weren't letting them. She went over to talk to them, and remind them that the playground is for everyone, and that they needed to share. Everyone gets a turn. She turned away for a moment, and when she looked back, they were doing it again. So she went back to them and again reminded them, and told them that next time, if they weren't going to share, they were going to have to do something else. She said at that point they both looked her in the eye and walked away toward one of the other playground areas (which they have been told they can't use right now). As they walked, they continued looking right at her and smirking a bit.
So this is why she phoned. She was DS's teacher last year, and my feeling was always pretty good about their relationship. She's always been very fair and patient with him, and as she said, he has never been openly defiant towards her. I neglected to ask what she did next...whether he was allowed to get away with it, or if there was an immediate consequence. I know there will be more talking and possibly lost recess time again.
Recently, DS has been making comments like it doesn't matter if you do something bad...nothing will happen anyway. And it doesn't. You sit through a talk, maybe have to spend a recess or two inside...big deal. It's the same thing at home...you sit through a talk, maybe have to spend some extra time with your parents instead of outside playing with friends...big deal. I've been all-in on the gentle discipline thing, but we don't seem to be getting it. It used to work really well...but a fiercely independent 8 y.o. that I know is heading down the wrong path recently (we've noticed a few theings at home, too). I need some consequences with teeth! How can I back her up at home? How can I get him to realize that, yes, he's very smart and 8 years old and in the "senior" class at his school, but that teachers, parents, coaches, etc. do have authority over him, and that he must respect that authority?
Sorry this got longer than I had intended
