"no, no, no, no" - responses?

[Kimmyc2]

ok, so I feel like I've been doing really well with GD and DD has responded very well. However, she is only 2 years 4 months. She just started REALLY testing her boundaries with us. Most things I have been able to deal with effectively, throwing, getting in her baby brothers face, whining, running from us to avoid diaper changes etc. So, my one question is what do you respond to your child when they just tell you “NO!”? Most of the time it is something I don’t care about and I like to pick my battles, she always says it with a smirk on her face as if she is trying to get a rise out of me.

So I was at the library with her the other day and she was running around doing puzzles and looking at books while I was nursing her brother on a kiddie chair. I asked her to put one of the puzzles back she had left by me so that other kids could play with it, “no”. I let that go and said ok, I will put it back when ds is done nursing. Then she went and started taking puzzle pieces away from another girl when I asked her to please give them back, it wasn’t nice and she was making another girl sad, “no!” ugh… So I had to get up and help her give them back while nursing a baby and she wasn’t happy about it and ran away. She then began to pull books off shelves and drive me nuts (seemingly on purpose) while I kept asking her to put things back or to please ask mommy first etc, all to a reaction of “No!”. I just felt so defeated, while trying to nurse my baby and getting evil glares from an older lady. I knew that she was tired and probably was just trying to get attention from me since I was nursing ds, but there is little I could do at the time and I just felt at a loss for words. I didn’t really want to discipline her for wanting attention or refusing to put away a puzzle just because I asked but I felt like I should respond something.

What do you say in response to “NO!” when it’s not a life or death request?

[ssh]

She's not trying to drive you nuts, she just doesn't have any impulse control right now. My DD went through a "no" phase at about 2.5. Every response was no, even if she really meant yes. We didn't make a big deal out of it. For example if I said we were going to the park and DD said no I'd say well we'll go anyway and see if you change your mind. If my DD said no about something we had to do, like leaving the park because it was getting dark, we just did it anyway. With inappropriate behavior at that age, we usually just left places if my DD couldn't behave. We stopped doing some things for a few months when DD was 2.5. It just wasn't working and not worth the conflict. Restaurants and libraries were two of those things. I just went to the library alone and we got food to go. Since LOs don't have much impulse control at 2 I didn't really expect DD to comply with requests. I'd still ask I just didn't react too much if she didn't listen. She started listening more after turning 3, maybe a third of the time, and is even better at almost 4.

[kiwiva]

I think at that age it is easier just to do something than to request it. I realize that is easier said than done and impossible sometimes like when nursing another child. But especially in the case where she was seeking attention and tired, whatever you request is bound to be met with No.

In that situation, I would have left ASAP. I don't know that there was anything you could have said that would have helped. Maybe you could have started reading a book or something and hope that would entice her.

There was a time when we just didn't eat out bc DD couldn't sit still and it was no fun. It didn't last long but that was the solution. If it's the end of the day or she is tired or hungry or overstimulated, we just didn't (and don't) go places. I know she can't handle it.

Also with DD No was a phase. It was her first answer to every single question. Even stuff she did want to do or have was met with "no" first. I think they go through a phase where they are just trying it out over and over. So I guess I tried to limit the yes/no questions and requests. If it was picking up the books at the library I just started doing it myself. I didn't announce what I was going to do, didn't invite her to join, just did it.

So no magic solution. I think you handled the best way that you could. The "No" phase does end before long.