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Do you enjoy being a mama? - Page 3

Poll Results: Do you enjoy being a mama?

 
  • 15% (71)
    I absolutely love it all the time
  • 55% (254)
    I love it most of the time, but I have my moments.
  • 17% (79)
    It depends on the day
  • 9% (44)
    I love my kids but i don't really enjoy mothering
  • 0% (4)
    I honestly don't enjoy mothering at all
  • 0% (3)
    other
455 Total Votes  
post #41 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by kcparker View Post
What measures were they using? I suppose not having kids (and probably not having a spouse!) make one's life a lot simpler - you have autonomy, privacy, more spending money, you can eat what you want, when you want, you don't have to clean up somebody else's messes or poopy bottom, nobody smears bananas on your pants right before you go to work, you can be very self-focused and gratify your own needs without having to consider anybody else's. If that's happiness, then yeah, childless people are probably happier.

But long-term, I obviously found that to be an impoverished measure for happiness, or a kind of happiness that one can get one's fill of. Going out for dinner has never made me so happy that I cried because my heart was so full of love for the food or the chef, sleeping in is nice and all, but looking at DS sleeping peacefully with his arm around his plush goose before I come to bed makes my heart swell more than waking up at 10 a.m. ever did, and the joy of watching him learn to draw, run, or help with making pancakes provides me with a deeper kind of happiness than if I did all of these activities solo.
Very nice post! Sometimes just watching my kids makes my heart swell so much it hurts!
post #42 of 115
I love my kids. I have never regretted having them and I know my life wouldn't completely without them.

I don't love being a mom all the time. Sometimes I hate it. But those feelings have nothing to do with how I feel about them.
post #43 of 115
Love it mostly, but have my moments...

Honestly, now that I have two and we're out of the newborn stage, I think I have less bad moments than when I just had one kid. I think with just DD around, I was able to hold onto a lot of my own selfishness regarding putting my need for alone time over DD's need for interaction with me. With two kids now, I really don't get much of a break even when DH is hhome to help, but I think this has been good for me. Letting go of my expectation for lots of "me time" and my grumpiness if I didn't get that me time has increased my happiness level.

Also, watching the way my children love each other so much already just makes my heart melt.
post #44 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Lisa* View Post
The study that they were talking about was done a couple of years ago, I think. They had people wear beepers (both moms and non-moms). Every so often, the beeper would go off, and the person would have to answer a series of questions, including how happy they were right at that moment.
ummm...wow. If I had to deal with a beeper going off and having to answer a bunch of questions about how happy I was "right at that moment", in the middle of one of those dd1 wants to go outside now, but can't find her shoes, ds2 is mad at dd1 and is trying to hit her with a can of tomatoes, dd2's diaper just came off and she pooped all over herself, my hand and the change surface and I've needed to pee for over an hour moments? I'd probably flush the beeper down a toilet. That doesn't mean I don't like being a mom - it just means there are moments when the multi-tasking aspect is a wee bit...much.

But, then, I wouldn't do that study, because I've sworn never to wear a beeper.
post #45 of 115
Most of the time, but I have my moments.

I've enjoyed it a lot more as DD got older and I got to know her as more of her own person. She is 6.5 now and we are expecting a #2 in March. Come to think of it, I like my mom a lot more as I've aged and gotten to know her a lot more. But we've almost always had a very good relationship (there were a few bad teen years around 13 or so).

There are definitely times when I wished I had left my DD at home and not tried to bring her something. Those are the times I don't enjoy it.
post #46 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by H & J's Mom View Post
I remember an old Oprah episode on mothering/parenting. She polled her audience on whether or not they still would have children if they could go back and do it over (didn’t mean they didn’t love their children, just would have chosen a different path if they could do it over) … I think it was like 80% who said NO … I was shocked and saddened
That's so sad. I can't even imagining feeling that way about my children or my life as a mother.

The more I think about the question, the more I'd say I always love the noun part of it (being a mother), but don't alway love the verb part of it (mothering). The action can be...less than enjoyable, on occasion.
post #47 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyantavid View Post
I love my kids. I have never regretted having them and I know my life wouldn't completely without them.

I don't love being a mom all the time. Sometimes I hate it. But those feelings have nothing to do with how I feel about them.

This for me too.
I always knew I'd have a kid, but I never thought I'd intensly love and intensly hate being a mother....both at the same time sometimes.

For me, having a kid is like putting my heart in a frying pan and letting someone else control the burner knob.
Motherhood scares me the buggers out of me, but I wouldn't trade him for anything on earth....ok, maybe a few mins extra of sleep. LOL! I'm kidding.

Quote:
I said it depends on the day. I've got anxiety issues, and I'm okay when DS is okay, but some days I really just feel like shutting down. bleh.
...and this too. Being an intorvert AND a single mom with anxiety is really, really, really hard some days. Some days oblivion would be heaven...not just from the kiddo..from the world all together.

Gosh, that sounds more like I hate being a mom, but that's not true.
About 96% of the time I dont' want to be anywhere but with my babe.
post #48 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyantavid View Post
I love my kids. I have never regretted having them and I know my life wouldn't completely without them.

I don't love being a mom all the time. Sometimes I hate it. But those feelings have nothing to do with how I feel about them.
This, exactly.

Despite my screenname there are days when I do not love being a mom. Lately with a 4 year old who is fighting to be independent, a 3 year old who only speaks the language of whine and a 1 year old who screams constantly I've felt like motherhood is a storm I have to weather. Like batton down the hatches, hunker down and get through it.

I have never ever ever regretted having my kids and I know there will be better days ahead but I can't say I've enjoyed my kids as of late as much as I wish I did.
post #49 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
That

The more I think about the question, the more I'd say I always love the noun part of it (being a mother), but don't alway love the verb part of it (mothering). The action can be...less than enjoyable, on occasion.
That is exactly how I feel!!

I LOVE being a mom - it's definitely a part of my identity and my life that I cherish. The demands, expectations & implications are often impossible, overwhelming & scary... but I love being a mom.
post #50 of 115
I used to tell my husband that my life would begin when I became a mother. I felt like all the time leading up to her conception and birth was just a waiting game... preparing for her entrance into my life.

I chose the one that says I have my moments. Usually at about 2 or 3 in the morning when she doesn't want to sleep. Or when she's fighting sleep really hard. But those moments are fleeting.

I wouldn't change a thing about being a mother. Having her gives my life purpose. I feel like I'm doing exactly what I was meant to do.
post #51 of 115
Today? no.
post #52 of 115
I'm with majority. I also voted 'I love it most of the time, but I have my moments'.

My DD is 12 weeks old, and I can't imagine life without her now. It's incredible! But when she's on one of her crying jags, it does get tiring & frustrating. I don't regret my little "surprise" one bit! And oddly enough it has deepened my relationship with DH. I wasn't expecting that after all these years together.
post #53 of 115
Most days, definitely. Some days, not so much. But with that being said I truly can't imagine my life without K in it.
post #54 of 115
I love it most of the time, but there are moments I don't enjoy it at all. I miss being carefree and being able to sleep in at time. I wouldn't trade my dd in for the ability to do the things I miss, but that doesn't mean I don't miss my space and freedom when I am faced with the less joyful parts of being a parent.
post #55 of 115
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone.


Like most people I have my days and moments but over all I wouldn't change it.
post #56 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone...
I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.


Quote:
So I would say that most times I am unhappy are the days/weeks/months without any outside support, feeling downtrodden and useless. Not my kids doing it to me, but the fact that the rest of the world wants me to tread water for hours with a smile on my face when they could send me a life vest and call it a day.
I think this is very well said. My kid is nearly grown now but the continualy fight against the isolation and the feeling of not quite living up to what I thought was the ideal really wore me down over time.
post #57 of 115
I voted "depends on the day"... but most of the time it's "love it most of the time"

I have gone through phases where I hated it and wondered why I ever decided to take this on... when DS1 was a colicky baby, I was depressed, DH was depressed, horrible time in my life! I was definitely thinking I made a big mistake and we were much happier pre kids... the last month of my pregnancy when DS hit the 3's with vigor and spent his days screaming at me while I was too exhausted to do much of anything...

But there have been so many great moments of love and pride and joy! I see some of them everyday, some days more than others. Right now I am snuggling a beautiful newborn and just loving every minute of it. Seeing all the joy that DS1 brings to his grandparents and even complete strangers makes me so very happy. I just can't believe that someone I am raising brings so much happiness to the world around him.

I guess I feel like relationships are WORK. Relationships with spouses and children take an extra measure of self-sacrifice and effort. But there is a pay off. Life would be quite empty without them and I would miss out on a whole lot of joy if they weren't here.
post #58 of 115
I absolutely LOVE being a mother. It completes me. It's the aspect of myself that was missing for so long.

That said, ds is currently having bedtime "issues" & I desperately miss my alone time at night (I'm a night owl).
post #59 of 115

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/3/10 at 11:25am
post #60 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I agree with what Storm Bride said about the problem with polls being that people answer from different angles. I don't think that not regretting having kids = loving being a mother all the time. At all. So yeah, I guess the results of this poll don't really mean anything if people are answering from such different perspectives.
I've been thinking about this ever since I voted. The problem is that just like I love dh and being married, love my career, and love my life, there are things about each of them that bug me and drive me crazy at times. There is nothing wrong with that. I've never expected to be happy all the time. Life isn't like that. But over all, looking back, I have been happy as a mom and am having a blast being a grandma. Just like I've been happy being married to dh, been happy with my life, and having my chosen career.
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